Crossing the thin redline into madness. Meet Red, my old new BMW 328i

Sreesh1009 · 25th August 2019, 17:09

Hey man,
The humorous angle in your updates are sick.
Love your Beemer. What's the range like during highway drives?
Cheers

iliketurtles · 26th August 2019, 10:37

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sreesh1009

Hey man,
The humorous angle in your updates are sick.
Love your Beemer. What's the range like during highway drives?
Cheers

Danke Sreesh, always good to brighten someone's day, howsoever dimly.

Highway range depends really on whether I've picked out my leaden-footed shoes or not. With a heavy right foot and sports mode enabled, I generally see a range of 250-300 kms, which is grim.

But I'm not always a savage. I drove to Goa and back on 2.5 tankfuls, so that's about 500-550 km range if I'm sane, but still speedy.

Highway range is not the car's forte, especially with me at the wheel. Couple that with concerns over petrol quality, and diesel clearly becomes the drink of choice for highway runners. This situation will become only worse if I switch the car to 97 Octane. But that's a headache for another day.

d3mon · 26th August 2019, 12:19

Good to see you tumbling down on the slippery slope of mods. I'm wearing my spiked iron boots of reasoning & VFM to prevent that from happening to me. To reinforce the reasoning spikes, would you mind sharing the rough damages that you took on the Bilsteins, Eibachs & the Yellowstuffs?

On another note, it's unfathomable for us Bangaloreans to even think of lowering springs. I'm sure most of us wish for air suspension so that we could give it some more lift when required!

iliketurtles · 26th August 2019, 14:03

Quote:

Originally Posted by d3mon

Good to see you tumbling down on the slippery slope of mods. I'm wearing my spiked iron boots of reasoning & VFM to prevent that from happening to me.

Join us on the dark side. We have cookies. It's awesome.

Quote:

Originally Posted by d3mon

To reinforce the reasoning spikes, would you mind sharing the rough damages that you took on the Bilsteins, Eibachs & the Yellowstuffs?

No problemo. The Bilsteins cost me about 65k, the Eibachs about 25k and the Yellowstuffs about 37k, including the sensors and everything else needed for the new pads. The wifey still doesn't know I've lowered the car, and I'm not sure she'll figure it out herself

Quote:

Originally Posted by d3mon

On another note, it's unfathomable for us Bangaloreans to even think of lowering springs. I'm sure most of us wish for air suspension so that we could give it some more lift when required

I know that feeling, man. Lowered cars are so not apt for India, although the mild drop I got done is still palatable. You live just once, might as well live it up!

shibujp · 26th August 2019, 16:51

Quote:

Originally Posted by iliketurtles

Baby got sprung

One of my biggest bugbears with the 328i is its sponginess, putting a real dampener on sexytimes behind the wheel. This became all the more apparent
when I drove a lowered 328i recently. The worm had fully wheedled its way into my brain; she had to get sprung. Or re-sprung, depending on how you see it.

How many mm lowering do the Eibach springs provide? Would you recommend it with stock dampers?

Drive on,
Shibu

iliketurtles · 26th August 2019, 17:34

Quote:

Originally Posted by shibujp

How many mm lowering do the Eibach springs provide? Would you recommend it with stock dampers?

Drive on,
Shibu

By my guesstimates, somewhere in the ballpark of 10-15 mm. I’d recommend pairing it with B6’s, the stock dampers are too soft really. You won’t get the full benefit of springing for the Eibach’s.

GranvilleDsouza · 29th September 2019, 19:22

Congratulations, I am super late, but just yesterday I came across a Jetta with the Pete's logo at the back and I thought, what happened to 'iliketurtles'?

Looked up your handle, came across this. Indeed a real beauty!

It's fun reading your threads. Cheers to your new ride, wish you miles and miles of happiness.

iliketurtles · 2nd October 2019, 00:38

Quote:

Originally Posted by GranvilleDsouza

Congratulations, I am super late, but just yesterday I came across a Jetta with the Pete's logo at the back and I thought, what happened to 'iliketurtles'?
Looked up your handle, came across this. Indeed a real beauty!
It's fun reading your threads. Cheers to your new ride, wish you miles and miles of happiness.

Thanks Granville! Been a while since I met you last bud.

Incidentally, another friend of mine spotted my ride somewhere on the Gujarat highway or so and sent me a pic. Brought back loads of memories.

Glad I dished out a dose of fun your way. Rest assured I'm relishing every kilometer with her. Just brought up 30k a month back, looking forward to many, many more!

See ya soon. Take care.

iliketurtles · 12th November 2019, 11:59

Modern cars are a wonderful thing, so complex and sometimes reinventing the wheel, allowing us to discover new and glorious ways to completely screw things up like few others in the history of humankind ever have.

Crossing the thin redline into madness. Meet Red, my old new BMW 328i-10.jpg

Pehchan kaun

“Buy a BMW”, they said

“You can do donuts”, they said

I love donuts, of the automotive or edible kind (Krispy Kreme original glazed, the real OG), but this is so not what I had in mind when I had happy thoughts of cars and donuts.

Crossing the thin redline into madness. Meet Red, my old new BMW 328i-2.jpg

Meet Mr. Lim. He sucks all the joy out of driving. Don’t be like Mr. Lim

I’ve also been introduced to Lim Bhau over the last two week. This small, invisible Asian man is like the stereotypical Asian dad, constantly holding you back from having fun no matter how much you squeak “but daddddddddd”.

Needless to say, as necessary as he is, I cannot wait to get rid of him.

A file photo of my first reaction to meeting Lim Bhau

How did all this come to pass? Let me try and piece things together to give you as honest an assessment as my dimly lit mind can.

It was a dark and stormy night...actually, no. It wasn’t. But it was late at night, on a dark, pockmarked stretch of highway with the lights turned down a bit. I was out on an exploratory mission, navigating the lunar surface we call Mumbai’s roads, when I went through a pothole, hard. I wasn’t driving the wheels off the car (although it felt a bit that way), but I felt that thud deep in my soul.

Needless to say, I pulled over to check on Red, and I was happy to see no visible damage at all, either to the wheel or the rim, amazingly. My joy was short-lived though. Come daybreak, I noticed the front right side was sagging a bit, so that the usual 2 fingers worth of wiggle room was about halved, or less.

Meet Bally Sagoo's long-lost cousin, Wheelarch Sagoo

This is how Shawty should get low

At this point, the sensible thing to do would be to park the car, and then arrange to take it to the nearest FNG right away.

I am not a sensible man.

I took the car out on the highway (just a usual day’s work), when I felt the tyre go flat in a few kilometers, stranding me on the side of the highway. I had the tyre undone (manual labour is something I struggle with, don’t judge me) and was gobsmacked to see the inner groover shaved off almost completely. The innermost groove was clearly rubbing up against the wheel well in some kind of automotive lust, and had blown its load with me at the wheel.

Note the shredded groove, you nosy so-and-so

Spacesaver? More like lifesaver

Nightmares are made of these. Who am I to disagree?

All was not lost though; my mighty puny spacesaver was there to save the day, and strapping it on, I trundled off to get a new tyre. But the saggy one persisted to linger over me, and so I ambled over to the FNG (finally) and got an expert opinion, which I shall now share with you in a most inexpert manner.

Apparently, I hit the pothole hard enough for the knuckle to go clean through some thingymabob and cause the shock to just fail, not totally, but just enough to teeter on the verge of catastrophe. After some elbow grease was applied (not by me), the prescription was in; keep the spacesaver on for a week, observe if the fix does the trick, and report back in some days.

Narrator's voice: It worked

The issue never re-occured, and all of my niggardly driving resulted in me seeing the best fuel efficiency figures till date (yay?), but I cannot begin to put into words how boring it was to drive the car with the prescribed speed limits in mind. It numbed my soul, and clawed at my heart, but it had to be done.

Now, with the car back at full power, one thing’s for certain. All I can do is achtung, baby.

No caption needed, as all the cool kids say

In other, less interesting news, because I’m still besotted by every sight of the car, I picked up a dashcam a month or so ago, so that I can not only do dashcam-my things, but also keep an eye on the car when it’s parked. As is typical of me, I am yet to have it installed. Will report back once it’s completely hooked up. Later, ‘gator. Don’t be a hater.

Once you go Blackvue, you get 4K backvue. No? Okay.

iliketurtles · 12th February 2020, 20:30

The clouds blanket the sun, casting a pall of gloom over all that was once illuminated. The world descends into darkness, panic gripping the heart of its denizens, until a smiling face emerges where the sun once was.

Mine.

Greetings, Team-BHPians. It’s me again, popping in to bring a ray of sunshine into your lives.

~~~

How time flies when you’re busy, and conversely, how it crawls when you’re slithering your way through an un-busy work day. Time really is a relative thing.

It’s been little more than a year to the date that I brought home my blushing (b)ride in red, and my life hasn’t really been the same ever since. Hard as it might be to tell, I enjoy the solitude of my own company, and so, obviously, in order to be discreet and keep a low profile I had to go snag a flaming red ride as my own.

But all jibes aside, it has been a fun, fun year and then some with her. And so, in an effort to curb my inadvertent need to cram in 800 words where 8 might suffice, let me try and cut to the heart of the matter as succinctly as possible.

Orange you glad I’m Bananas

It is my personal belief that the car’s design will age well, but in some matters there is no stemming the tide of time. Be it through an onslaught of features or evolutionary facets of design, interiors do show their age from a design perspective, no matter how hard you try. It’s a hopeless battle when even the average economobile today comes shod with leather seats, navigation, dishwashers, jacuzzis and everything else imaginable.

I do believe in the virtue of something seeming like a product of its time, but when you can, you must fight, fight against the dying of the light.
Which brings me nicely to the subject of a piece of interior light trim that caught my eye on AliExpress.

Crossing the thin redline into madness. Meet Red, my old new BMW 328i-1.jpg

As an Oscar award winner once said, "what's in the boxxxxxxx?"

I love the Chinese. They see Amazon offering delivery of objects that had no point in being home delivered, and decided they can do it better. No matter how big or small something is, they’ll home deliver it to you on a platter, right from Guangzhou to Goregaon. No order too small.

I always wanted to jazz up the interiors a bit, and this little piece of kit is perfect in that regard. It looks completely OEM, was an easy-ish 20-25 minute install (not done by me, before you ask), and I can use the inbuilt ‘Classic’ or ‘Sports’ setting to let the radio trim mesh perfectly with the luminescent orange dials, or convert the car into a falooda center on wheels respectively. It’s a win-win situation, I guess.

Classic, which is just timelessly great

Crossing the thin redline into madness. Meet Red, my old new BMW 328i-3.jpg

Sport, a.k.a. Butterscotch Gola Blue

Bootmod3

Power corrupts, and absolute power can corrupt absolutely. As enthusiasts are wont to do, I was chattering away with a fellow car nut about the modifications that can be done to our rides, and he offered up 300 BHP as being enough adrenaline on tap. “How much more could you want, really?”, were his approximate words.

Crossing the thin redline into madness. Meet Red, my old new BMW 328i-4.jpg

Too much power? Pffttttttt, do the dew

I went away, climbed a Himalayan peak or two and meditated over those words. It was then that realisation dawned on me that going up till 300 BHP and no further is like clambering into bed with Margot Robbie and falling asleep right away, when you have the possibility of venturing forth into the promised land and enjoying just that exquisite bit more. Sometimes, you just have to go the distance.

And so, to my mind, anything in the ballpark of 330 BHP is at the very outer limits of everyday usability. Go any further, and you really can’t put that power down without wrapping yourself around a tree, pedestrian or nearby car. Go any lower, and you’ll be left wanting just that little bit more oomph.

That said, I explored multiple possibilities to up the car’s potency. I narrowed it down to either Quantum Tuning, who have done several BMWs around India and are known for faultless reliability and consistently churning out great tunes that leave the head and sometimes tyres spinning.

The other was Bootmod3, an almost unknown, but highly personalisable, tuning suite that represents a DIY option with almost zero provenance around these parts.

Clearly, there was only one logical choice to make, and so I scampered away in its opposite direction.

Crossing the thin redline into madness. Meet Red, my old new BMW 328i-5.png

Image for representative purposes only. Here's hoping Santa makes my next Christmas a ///Merry one

I pulled the trigger and bought a license for Bootmod3 during Xtreme Powerhouse's Black Friday sale for the princely sum of $500 with all maps included, give or take. That's a discount of $150 over the usual MRP.

You might be going DI-why at this point. I’m glad you questioned my sanity, astute reader. I’ll give you the short version.

With Bootmod3, I can switch between tunes at will, within minutes. Read Stage 1 for city driving, or Stage 2 for spirited weekend drives just like that, provided I have the supporting hardware for it.

When I say BM3 offers tunability, that includes burble tunes and a transmission tune too. So yes, you better believe I flashed the tranny (tune) too. Does it make any real difference? I really can’t tell, because the ZF is fantastic as it is. But hey, why not play with all the toys if they’re handed over to me, eh? Go nuts.

Did I mention it also allows you to read error codes? So essential when you have a persnickety lady in red at your side.

Last, but not the least, I can sell the license on when I’m done with it and make a large chunk of my money back. That really appeals to the thrifty middle-class boy in me. Show me that moneyyyyyy.

All those upsides, make it worth a gamble in my eyes. And so I rolled the dice.

Crossing the thin redline into madness. Meet Red, my old new BMW 328i-6.png

Just a glimpse of what's on the menu

Bootmod3 offers a 91 and 93 Octane (US, of course) tune, both available in Stage 1 or 2 flavours, with aggressive options pre-programmed for when you want the spiciest option available (Pro tip: you absolutely don’t, unless you have the supporting hardware).

Long story short; I flashed the Stage 1 91 octane tune, and while I don’t have specific numbers, since I haven’t done a dyno run on this, you can expect 30-45 HP on the most vanilla of their tunes, which I’m rocking. I loved the smooth, progressive nature of the tune even on this least potent of tunes. Power delivery is silky smooth all through the power band, nothing spiky whatsoever and high-gear pull is just as strong. It gets even somewhat relentless when you switch the gearbox over into sport mode.

The upgrade procedure is seriously easy, involving connecting the car via a wi-fi agent or an E-net cable, and in a few minutes, you have (not so) crazy amounts of power at your feet. It represents a true democratisation of the tuning process, and that’s just hugely appealing to me.

This might be cheating a bit, but I googled a pic of the dyno results of an N20 on a Stage 1, 91 Octane Bootmod3 tune, and it puts out approx. 260whp and about 370 to 380nm torque, which is hella good, as all the cool kids say.

Crossing the thin redline into madness. Meet Red, my old new BMW 328i-7-bm3-stage-1.png

I admit, I gave into temptation and tried the Stage 1 93 Octane tune on the car, which is a step up (and then some) from my current tune. Good god, it’s fantastically fast even in the previously la-dee-dah comfort mode. It’s like someone shoved a rocket up the car’s tail, and you can bet I’ll be going down that road once I get the right bolt ons in place.

The slight burbles that come with the Stage 1 tune are A-OK for now, although it sounds like the car is grumbling under its breath a bit. Allow it to clear its throat in Sports Mode with the flap kept open, and it sounds like a baleful beast on the prowl. That said, I am so not getting the burble tune done so long as the stock downpipe is on the car, so I have a fair idea about the next mod I’ll be making...

Oil change

With the car counting down the miles until it needed a fresh batch of oil sacrificed to the car gods, I decided to jump the gun a bit and give it a freshly brewed drink ahead of schedule.

I mulled over going with BMWs 5w-30 grade oil, but after extensive reading (and meandering) went with Liqui Moly’s 5w-40 grade oil. Given I know of guys that are very happy with it on their Bimmers, and that I’m seriously considering changing oil every 7.5k kilometres, I thought I’d baby Red with some fine oil flown down from her country of birth.

It’s been about 1000 kilometers (maybe a little less, I won’t lie) since I moly-fied the car, and she’s running (to my ear at least) a bit quieter and smoother than before. It could well be a placebo, and your mileage could vary, but all I can do is offer my opinion for whatever it’s worth. That’s not saying a lot.

I gave Red to a known FNG for the job, and took the opportunity to also swap out the air and A/c filters as well. For the more curious among us, the damages for the entire job (6 liters of Liqui Moly, a trio of filters, and labour) came to INR 18.5k. Not bad for a day’s work.

An eye for details

The devil, they say, is in the details. Who are ‘they’ and why do they say so? I wouldn’t have the slightest idea, it’s just a quote that popped in my head. I do know that the detailing job I got done on Red sometime in December was devilishly good.

After hearing rave reviews about their work, I handed over the keys and Red to Glosswerkz for a day to do their work, and boy, did they take a shine to the car. I’m going to shut up at this point and let the following well-below-par pictures do the talking.

Crossing the thin redline into madness. Meet Red, my old new BMW 328i-8.jpg

Crossing the thin redline into madness. Meet Red, my old new BMW 328i-9.jpg

I spy with my little eye...

Crossing the thin redline into madness. Meet Red, my old new BMW 328i-11.jpg

Crossing the thin redline into madness. Meet Red, my old new BMW 328i-12.jpg

Crossing the thin redline into madness. Meet Red, my old new BMW 328i-13.jpg

Crossing the thin redline into madness. Meet Red, my old new BMW 328i-14.jpg

Crossing the thin redline into madness. Meet Red, my old new BMW 328i-15.jpg

Crossing the thin redline into madness. Meet Red, my old new BMW 328i-16.jpg

Crossing the thin redline into madness. Meet Red, my old new BMW 328i-17.jpg

Take my word at face value; their work was MEGA, and highly recommended.

Insurance matters

At some point in December, the insurance came up for renewal, and after much hemming and hawing (lots of hawwwwing when I saw how much they wanted, those pirates), I zeroed in on a Zero Dep policy offered by Tata AIG for the car. The zeroes? Not too many, but it is still a somewhat eye watering sum of 73,458 pesos.

Kyun chalti hai pawan?
Kyu Jhoome hai gagan?
How did Tata AIG allow for a zero dep policy for a car whose eighth year has begun?

Naa tum jaano naa hum, but I went through a BMW insurance rep for this, so I’m 100% certain its legit and that any claim will be honored. It covers the usual suspects, plus the keys (which I’m told cost almost 50k a pop to replace!), the engine (very handy), plus something called tyre secure, which I don’t have the first idea about.

I hope I end up having zero need for a zero dep policy, but god forbid if it comes to that, I’ve got those bases covered.

~~~

And so, all said, I shall now depart for my home amongst the inscrutable clouds high above, allowing the sun’s light to once more beat down upon your meager lives.

Be good, and stay safe. There are too many idiots out there, including the one writing this.

Crossing the thin redline into madness. Meet Red, my old new BMW 328i-18.jpg

iliketurtles · 21st March 2020, 15:28

Baithe baithe kya kare, karna hai kuch kaam,
Oh wait, I'll call my local FNG,
And install that Blackvue dashcam

For long, the install of the dashcam was pending for one reason or the other. Finally, the stars aligned and the heavens rained down their blessings on poor ol' me. The car now has a new set of eyes, front and rear.

Crossing the thin redline into madness. Meet Red, my old new BMW 328i-about-900s-pic-1.jpg

Crossing the thin redline into madness. Meet Red, my old new BMW 328i-about-900s-pic-2.jpg

So, why Blackvue?

Well, besides the fact they're market leaders, there were a few compelling reasons to go for the 900s dual channel option when others were far cheaper. (I paid about 500 USD for it)

The front camera is 4K, so idiots can be recorded in super HD clarity
It's cloud compatible, so I can view the car from anywhere, provided I paid that month's internet bill
It has a parking mode, so I can keep an eye on things and unleash my inner Bigg Boss via the power of the cloud
The Power Magic Pro accessory allows for optimal power management. Bye bye battery drain
And perhaps most importantly, the look. It looks and feels fully OEM. Very elegantly designed

Enough yapping

If, like me, you're starting to run low on things to watch during this pandemic, here are some some sample videos from both cameras during day and night, plus a bonus piece of footage: the parking mode at play, with yours truly featuring!

https://youtu.be/DCtvOGLqFn8

Parking mode perspectives: Benny Hill music sold separately

https://youtu.be/v7IkXt1g13Q

Front camera sample un -- day

https://youtu.be/JYBeBrdkauc

Front camera sample dos -- day

https://youtu.be/Ge4KVtU2GGg

Rear camera sample un -- day

https://youtu.be/_OQpAKKlEao

Rear camera sample dos -- day

https://youtu.be/l5MW-CJ00E0

Front camera sample footage -- night

https://youtu.be/rQY_kevuQaU

Rear camera sample footage -- night

That's all for now. Keep the change, you filthy animals. And speaking of filthy, wash your hands, religiously. God knows I haven't washed my hands as vigorously as this since I was a kid.

turbowhistle · 6th April 2020, 15:42

What a lovely lovely thread and very tasteful upgrades. I know I am late to the party but please allow me to say - this is certainly one of the top 5 non-official reviews. I have read it couple of times already.

Coming back to the car - It's a red BMW, everyone is gonna love it. Kudos to the photographer for taking superb shots. I am on look out for a Cooper S/JCW but this thread is certainly making me think over that choice now.

PS: Your writing reminds me a lot of Sam Kapasi's threads. Very Engaging!

iliketurtles · 6th April 2020, 16:12

Quote: