Once in a while, one is overcome by an irresistible wave of stupidity, a tsunami of foolishness, an unbelievable suspension of common sense. I have had such a moment today. I wish to share it in the hope that
1. It serves as an warning for other loonies in-the-making like me
2. I get some advise as to how to get myself out of this “slippery” situation
3. Everyone can enjoy a good laugh at my silliness (Laughs are hard to come by in these grim times)
Like every Team BHPian worth his/her grease, I consider myself to be a good, cautious, careful driver. Have a pretty good track record in my eleven years of driving – have managed to keep out of “real” trouble on the roads. I have of course had my share of scrapes and dents, but mostly in parking lots or small alleys while trying to squeeze in or out of tight spots. Nothing serious, really. And then, I got myself into this today. Here’s the still unfolding story. For your reading and guffawing pleasure.
There were these saplings that we had been planning to plant in the little, out-of-the city, hillside plot that we had acquired recently. A gently sloping site overlooking a green valley. A road had been cut down into it about six months ago. Unpaved, loamy-laterite mud, but motorable. A few vehicles including trucks had used it earlier, when it was newly made. But then we have had monsoon showers for a few months now. The raw road had acquired a carpet of green. Grass and small ground hugging herbs and shrubs. I had loaded the saplings into the conveniently large boot of our faithful Manza QJet. Drove it up to the mouth of the now green road and in that one blinding moment of dark denseness decided to drive down it. The intention was to avoid multiple trips on foot up-and down the road with the saplings in hand. The drive down was uneventful. Unloaded the saplings, had them planted and then got back into the car and started the short drive back. Started rolling up gently in first gear, covered a few meters and then the front wheels started spinning. Avoided the temptation to floor the accelerator. Rolled back a few feet and tried again. No go. No traction. Spinning wheels. A third attempt and the enormity of my stupidity started to dawn upon me. The green grass and moss, the soft, beautiful carpet that can launch a hundred verdant dreams of idyllic nature, had turned into a trap for my car. The gradient was not the issue. The Manza has enough grunt to climb up steeper inclines. It is the paucity of grip that I had failed to factor in. I should have known better.
Here are some pics:
Point-of-view from the car (note the bonnet corner at left lower corner)
The green carpet that the car is unable get a grip on
Marks of the failed attempts
This happened today evening. Towards dusk, with dark, rain laden clouds gathering overhead. So, I left the car there and returned home. Have to deal with the situation tomorrow. The situation is this - a 1.2 tonne FWD sedan at the bottom of a grass covered, slightly slushy mud road with an incline of about 20 to 30 degrees. A few shallow rain water created ruts. About 50 meters to be covered. Not been able to go beyond 3 meters before losing traction.
Here are the options that I am considering (not in any particular order)
1. Leave the car there until the road dries up, the green carpet turns brown and crumbles. Then drive up. May take a few months.
2. Dig up the road, get rid of the slippery carpet. Then drive up. May take a few days. With the rains, chances are I have to deal with slush instead of the grass.
3. Rent a Boeing CH-47 Chinook and lift the Manza out of the mess. If anyone is willing to sponsor this, I promise to tie a banner with your name (and your picture for good measure) on the car as it is lifted out. I am sure we will all be on national TV.
4. Call over the local Tata Roadside Assistance crew. They will come with their old battered pick-up (probably a 4x2?). What are the chances that we will end up with two vehicles stranded instead on one at the end of the day?
Off-road gurus, do you think a 4x4 will be able to tow us out of this?
5. Buy a truckload of bricks, lay them out in a track and drive over it. Again, sponsors welcome.
6. Hire a tractor and get the car towed out.
Your opinions, suggestions welcome. Whacky, weird, outrageous, practical – all welcome. I need something that works without me having to take a personal loan. Mind you, it’s past the middle of the month, I have not yet paid the EMI on this car, and anything more than a couple of grand – I will need to look for that personal loan. If not, I at least need to be amused enough to prevent me from drowning in my self-inflicted misery. But if you are kidding let me know. With my newly revealed capacity for dim-wittedness, I don’t trust myself in separating the goofy suggestions from the serious ones.
Lessons learnt (again not in any particular order of importance):
1. Cars that go down need not come up.
2. Be wary of the call to “Go green”.
3. Failsafe way to make your wife happy – provide her evidence of your colossal stupidity.
4. Stick to tarmac when in a family sedan.
I am not even sure if I should post this in the “Street Experiences” forum (this was not much of a street) or the “4x4 Excursions” forum (Clearly not a 4x4). Was looking for forum / thread like “Hall of Stupidity”, could not find one. Did I hear someone say “Bad Drivers - How do you spot 'em”? Mods, feel free to shift.