[Sam Kapasi]

When I was younger, one of my favourite articles in Reader's digest was Life's like that. Reader's Digest would invite readers to share their real-life humourous experiences.

I love jokes, but I believe we enjoy real life situations even more, as we are able to imagine faces, reactions and situations while the story is being told.

I invite Team-BHPians to share with us funny stories, anecdotes and situations that have happened to them, or someone they know in real life.

Tip: Avoid using real names and names of firms or companies. You wouldn't want to embarrass someone on the internet now would you?

I'll go first

[Sam Kapasi]

A friend of mine worked in a famous International Airline.

Most airlines have something that they call a Survival Kit: A pouch containing some basic washroom stuff that is handed over to people whose luggage has not reached the destination.
These pouches ensure basic toilet and hygiene survival for a day or two, by which the bag is expected to arrive.

This real life story begins with a phone call.

Hello?
Hello is this Air XXXXXXX?
Yes, how can I help you?
Is this the office at the Airport?
Yes M'am, how can we help you?
Who am I speaking to?
My name is Nisha (name changed)
My name is Mrs. Patel (name changed) and I would like to speak to a senior officer please.
Please tell me how we can help you m'am?

What is your position in the company?
umm.. M'am I am a customer service officer.
This is not some call centre na? This is the airport office of Air XXXX correct?
Yes M'am. This is the airport office of Air XXXX. How can we help you?

Yesterday my husband arrived and his luggage did not arrive.
OK one moment Mrs. Patel let me check...

I have not called for the bag. You guys gave him a pouch, with some toiletries in it.

Yes.. one of my colleagues probably did that.
Could you tell me the contents of this pouch?

Silence for a few seconds.

Could you tell me what is in the pouch please?
uhhh.. M'am there is a white cotton teeshirt and a comb and a toothbrush
Yes... And?
And a disposable razor and some soap and shampoo..
Yes, yes (impatiently) and???
M'am I am not able to understand the problem, is there something you need from us? Do you have a complaint?

Silence for a few seconds.

Was there a condom in the pouch?

Silence as Nisha begins to understand the problem.
Suppressing the urge to smile: Yes, M'am there is a condom in our survival kit.
Are you sure?
Yes M'am there is always a condom in the kit.
.
.
.
Why? Why the hell is there a condom in that pouch. What you are encouraging people to have sex or what? What reason you are putting...


Suddenly there is a scuffle and some noises as if the phone is being dragged out of Mrs. Patel's hand.

Man's voice: Hello Madam, this is Patel speaking.
You PLEASE explain to my wife properly that I have not bought this condom. You guys have bloody given me a condom in this stupid pouch and this woman is fighting with me and my marriage is on the edge because she thinks I am going on tours and uhh.. fooling around with other women, you PLEASE tell her that I did not buy this bloody condom and that you guys gave it to me in that pouch. God knows why I took that stupid pouch, why can't you print your name Air XXXXXX on the condom first of all...

Scuffling sounds and the phone is being snatched back.

Muffled voice: OK baba, I said I'm sorry na, I really thought you bought that...

HELLO?
Ya, hello, uhh.. Nisha na? Thanks for your help. Sorry about that. uhh.. Bye.

Click.

[normally_crazy]

LOL Sam

This happens to me everytime -

I call up my friend - tring tring and the phone is picked off the hook at the other end.

Me - kya be, kya kar raha hai ?
Friend - Uhh - hello ?
Me - Abe saale, behera (deaf) hogaya hai kya ? Badeer kahin ka !
Friend - Kaun ?
Me - Abe actor - bahut hua tera drama !
Friend - Kaun chahiye ?
Me (now ALARMED) - Hello, XXXXXX ?
Friend's POP - Ek minute (calls out - Arre XXXX tera phone hai)

This happens regularly. So now if uncle picks the phone and hears "Kya kar raha hai be?" - he promptly gives the phone to my friend.

[ASHISHPALLOD]

haha!

@sam and nc,

changu mangu ki jodi.

two posts made my day.

[dkhatau]

Nice thread Sam. I also love to read those sections of readers digest.
I will narrate my true life experience whcih happened in 1989 twenty years back. I was driving a maruti 800 (relatives car not mine) for dropping my cousin to the airport. It was midnight and at the premier junction on the LBS marg while crossing my car got hit by another maruti and my car made 360' circle. Well no one was hurt but the car got damaged on the left rear door. We returned home after that and my dad got angry as i had banged a relatives car.He insisted that I should personally go to the police station and lodge a complaint so that insurance claim can be processed. I was a bit scared of going to the police station but gathered up courage and went there next day afternoon at 12.00pm. Now follows the main story, the inspector asks me when did the accident happen, i said 12.00am last night, he asks what time it is right now, i tell 12.10pm, he asks why did not i come in the night to register the complain, and guess what did i give him a reply to that, I told him that i thought the police station would be closed at night so i came in the morning. Boss you should have seen his reaction to my statement and then he started abusing me in the choicest of words and told me in hindi that police station kya bania ka dukan samaj ke rakha hai jo raat ko band karega. I told sorry and just ran out of the police station and then sent some one else to register the complain. I still laugh at the incident.

[Sam Kapasi]

Originally Posted by dkhatau

police station kya bania ka dukan samaj ke rakha hai jo raat ko band karega.

That's hilarious!! lol
I can just imagine the policeman saying that to you.

[normally_crazy]

Originally Posted by ASHISHPALLOD

@sam and nc,

changu mangu ki jodi.

- what a description !!

[mail4loys]

This happened to me 6 years back, I was working for an MNC (US) based in India as an internal helpdesk L2 engineer (L2).

One day about 9AM IST in the morning I receive a call from L1 helpdesk saying that for a Railcar customer Mainframe application (hosted in US) is not working and around 10 employees are not able to work. I went to the team and spoke to the TL, he showed me the Mainframe Screen (this was a new project and internal helpdesk didnt have any helpdesk contact at the customer end). After trying few things i finally spotted a 1-800 number on the Mainframe screen which said “For help dial 1-800-xxx".

I called that number and the discussion was like this:

Me: Hello is this Railcar customer helpdesk?
Lady: (Voice of an elderly person) Yes, this is Railcar customer helpdesk, how can I help you?
Me: The Mainframe server is down and 10 users are affected!
Lady: (Voice with concern) Where did this incident happen?
Me: In India
Lady: How many people are hurt? Any major injuries?
Me: No, No, The server is not working and around 10 of them are not able to work!
Lady: Can you please be bit slow, As I need to type this on the pager and page this message to Senior Management. How many are injured?
Me: (ME ALARMER) No, nobody is injured, 10 user are affected!
Lady: What is your contact number?
Me: 91-XXX
Lady: Thanks for calling us, please be patient, I had paged all our Senior Management and someone will get in touch with you shortly!

HANG!!!

After 30 minutes i got a call from Vice President -Disaster Management team (Customer side) and came to know that DR was invoked at customer end (midnight their time!!!) thinking that a Railcar had de-railed and caused causalities, Also the entire senior management were on a bride-call to monitor the status of the incident and relief work !

Still laugh thinking about this incident!

[Vid6639]

This happened during my college days.

I'm driving back from college with a friend in the passenger seat. Suddenly he starts yelling and waving out his arms signaling to me to roll up my window.

Friend: Dude, roll up the window, fassssst, now dude now.
Me: But why? (confused and wondering)
Friend: Just do it man, roll up the damn window.
Me: Tell me why but.
Friend: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Just then I spot a flock of sheep jumping the divider from the opposite side of the road. It's too late, there's no way I'm going to stop in time. My car is the bowling ball and I'm headed for a strike. I stand on the brakes. Car screeches, sheep scared. All I hear after that is Meeeeehhhhh, bang bang bang.

My car stops, I look out of the window to see few sheep rolling like bowling balls. Thankfully they weren't shaved and had a lot of wool. Not a single sheep was hurt all ran off after that. I get out to see my car and apart from wool in the front bumper, no damage what so ever. I then take a look at my friend. Calmly he answers, "Dude I told you to roll up the windows."
Me: Huh??, are you mad or what.
Friend: I saw the sheep jump the divider on the other side and they were jumping so high, I was scared they would jump into the car.
Me: What?? Why couldn't you just tell me to brake and stop?
Friend: Oops that did not strike me at the time. I was more afraid they would jump into the car.
Me: (lots of expletives follow)

[Spitfire]

Riding Pillion with a friend on his Splendour. We were coming into a intersection and could see a LPG tanker hurtling down from our right.

My friend has to cross the intersection right through the path of the tanker. We could have made it with a lot of distant to spare but suddenly a cyclist thinks he can do it too from the opposite side.

Alarmed i ask my friend to brake as we will hit the cycle and the tanker would run over the three of us. My friend brakes quite slowly and the tanker driver brakes in panic. We the cyclist and the tanker brake inches away from each other.

I get off the bike totally shaken and ask my friend why didnt you brake much earlier.

He said: Saara bachana ka kaam mein karu, thoda tanker wala ne bhi to sambhalna chahiye.

I never rode pillion with him ever again.

[srijit]

lol, you guys should take a look at notalwaysright.com

EDIT: Spitfire, that reminds me why I never ride pillion. I once rode pillion with a friend. He asked me whether he should make a turn to the right now or later (both ways lead to my home). I told him to take his pick. He turned right without any indication or signal, straight into the path of a scooter guy. Now my friend tried to go to the left, then the right and finally crashed straight into the scooter guy. Fortunately none of us were hurt, but my friends scooter was damaged. Also, we were lucky that the road was otherwise empty, except for this scooter. :-(

[bblost]

Happened to a friend of mine.

Railway booking counter.

Long bored queue.

Bored guy in front hands over the reservation form to the bored clerk.
No address mentioned in the slip.
Clerk shouts at him.
Guy wants to know if address is given will the train pick him up from his house.

[Proxima]

Originally Posted by Spitfire

He said: Saara bachana ka kaam mein karu, thoda tanker wala ne bhi to sambhalna chahiye.

Boss, please translate.

[iceman7]

Sam - The Airline incident was hilarious.

I have one too. This happened over this weekend. Saturday night, a few friends and i are having drinks and dinner. A common friend walks over from another table. Hair all hap hazard, shirt half tucked in, half out, looks like he hasn't slept for a while He comes near us, we exchange pleasantries.

Suddenly a friend of mine looks at him and asks "Is your health ok? You don't look so good"

The common friend is taken aback. He replies "No man, this is my new look"

He leaves, and we laugh our A** off.

[supremeBaleno]

Originally Posted by Spitfire

He said: Saara bachana ka kaam mein karu, thoda tanker wala ne bhi to sambhalna chahiye.

Translation for the above : Why should I alone do all the work for avoiding the accident ? Should the tanker driver also not do his share ?

That was a hilarious incident, Sam.