[androdev]

I think the issue is much more than leaving home in pursuit of a good opportunity. You are making an extremely poor career choice, irrespective of the place of work and the personal consequences.

Your profile says you are a mechanical engineer by education. I am surprised a mechanical engineer from South India, especially, Tamil Nadu has spent 5 years trying to get a govt job! Except for wanting an easy going govt job with 200% job security, no accountability and opportunity to amass illegal wealth, I see no reason to prefer govt job over a private job. Who aspires for a govt job these days? If you are being honest, you won't like the answer.

Unless you have noble intentions like serving the nation, etc. I would avoid a 24/7 job such as this. Jeroen is talking about high stakes, high reward type of job profiles. This job has neither high rewards nor high potential. It's not even "high responsibility" unless you think being available 24/7 equals high responsibility - more like high availability job.

Only someone who lacks imagination and initiative, would come to the conclusion that this is a worthy opportunity to accept the consequences that were mentioned.

[PreludeSH]

Don't want to write all philosophical things. It's simple.

You need to embrace the results of your hard work. You will still be in India brother and you may like embracing other good things. Try it and if not good, discontinue. I felt homesick when I moved abroad when I was 22 years old. Came back 20 years later. Didn't lose anything in life.

[bhansali_hardik]

Reminds me of Drake!

Don't make too much of life than there is to it, if you are actually in a job that you claim to be. Imagine the pride and the luxuries of having the information and serving the nation.

Like many of them told, somethings don't add up! You knew what you were getting into and you were very well aware of it as well. If you were ok to stay away for these years to achieve it now why would you not want to take it up? This is as good as hunting a bird and then feeling bad for it and not eating it. The damage is already done mate.

Go ahead take that job, figure it out. You will not be always at the same level nor will your nature job or the money you earn.

The perks in few govt jobs the moment a post changes make a huge difference so work your ass off to achieve it and probably give a great comfortable life to your parents in the next 5 years.

When you post on any platform, do remember most of us here do not know you and we put out an actual picture of the world out there. Which your friends and relatives probably will not.

Think of the last 5 years deeply what you did and take a call. That's the only way you can truly take a decision which is worth taking. It's a no brainer given the time, Money and energy already spent. But to each one their own.

Good luck! Hope you get the strength to take the right decision.

[Samarth 619]

Originally Posted by bhansali_hardik

Like many of them told, somethings don't add up! You knew what you were getting into and you were very well aware of it as well.

Mechanical engineers could be unemployed for a variety of reasons, an engineer isn't exactly a data scientist who'll be accepted in any case.
Plus, his govt. job may be connected to his mechanical engineering too, who said intelligence agencies don't need working vehicles?

He loves the job but he hates the location, is it not clear? And location is never a confirmed choice in a government job, you could be placed anywhere.

In many government jobs, you get location preference on the basis of ranking in the written exam and interview.
He might've expected Chennai as his location, maybe just a bus journey away from his present town/village, but he wasn't ranked high enough maybe?

Also, freelance content writing may not be a paying job, so an upgrade was being sought. So, what's the big deal here?

At the risk of going off topic, may I ask, what is not adding up exactly in the OP's post?

[Jeroen]

Originally Posted by am1m

If I might ask this, because I often wonder what is the balance- looking back, was it justified? .

Absolutely!

I started my career in the merchant navy. My first trip in 1978 tok me away from home for over a year. No internet in those days. All you could do was write letters.

When I met my wife my average trips were 4-5 months. I left the merchant navy soon after our eldest son was born. I wanted to see him grow up.

After some years doing various jobs we went international as expats.

However, the expat life is not for everyone, that I am sure off.
We thoroughly enjoyed moving around the world. But the downside is staying in touch with family and friends. These days a lot easier with FaceTime and various other social media. But it can be difficult. Especially when there are problems back at home.

Depending on where we went, we had a lot of friends and family visiting. Everybody came to visit us in the USA. Far fewer made it to India, even fewer made it to places like Nigeria.

Having a job that puts a lot of demands on your personal life is not for everybody either. As I mentioned, it does require a partner that is ok with it. Both my wife and I come from families where our dads worked at least 6 days a week and our mums held jobs as well and had to look after 3/4 kids. So we were very used to it.

Having holidays cancelled due to work requirements is the worst, especially when the kids are small. But is sometimes unavoidable.

What job to aspire too at what location is a personal choice. As I mentioned the bigger the job, the higher your aspiration, the more likely you will find having to make concession in your personal life. For us the advantages always outweighed the disadvantages. The most important aspect is that you need to have a mindset to enjoy and make the most of the situation. Once you take the decision to take on a new role/job, possibly at a new and different location, all you need to focus is on making it work and enjoying all the new experiences.

Jeroen

[bhansali_hardik]

Originally Posted by Samarth 619

He loves the job but he hates the location, is it not clear? And location is never a confirmed choice in a government job, you could be placed anywhere.

At the risk of going off topic, may I ask, what is not adding up exactly in the OP's post?

It's a job, you have to travel. In private sectors as well (IT/marketing/Sales jobs list goes on) you are shipped off without consent as a fresher. That's always a factor when you get your first job irrespective of the sector.

Since we have already gone OT. For all your questions and hoping that things add up here is what I read which did not make sense :
The post had no direct mode of recruitment in the last 10 years. The recruitment was only through departmental exams (after five years of service).
(Plus a secretive job as well)

However, the point being it's a fortunate problem to have. Which only the OP can solve and we can just help in that by showing how the real world works.

Cheers!

[subraiyr]

Originally Posted by pacer_123

Hello Team-BHP family

I'm undergoing some trauma, and would like to hear your advice on the following.

I just can't leave my parents for the rest of my life. I've already been living separated and not anymore.



My parents got me everything I asked for (even if they couldn't afford). But all I'm returning to them is "nothing".
It is our parents who brought us to this world, and we can't live together with them for more than 10 years in the entire lifetime.

I'm shedding tears while writing this, and will end this here.

Well seriously man, get a grip of yourself. This may sound harsh, but your post seems to be full of self pity.

1. You are trying to see how your parents feel from your perspective. Look at it from their perspective. They have spent time, effort, money and love to bring you up to who you are and help you stand up on your feet. Now you are saying that you would rather crawl with them than stand up separately. Lose this attitude and look at the world with optimism and joy

2. Post marriage - Do you want to spend your first few years with your parents and newly wedded wife ? When a girl marries a guy, the have certain expectations and dreams. Try to understand that before bringing them home to your family. I have seen a number of women whose dreams have burnt out thanks to this

[Samarth 619]

Originally Posted by bhansali_hardik

It's a job, you have to travel. In private sectors as well (IT/marketing/Sales jobs list goes on) you are shipped off without consent as a fresher. That's always a factor when you get your first job irrespective of the sector.

Since we have already gone OT. For all your questions and hoping that things add up here is what I read which did not make sense :
The post had no direct mode of recruitment in the last 10 years. The recruitment was only through departmental exams (after five years of service).
(Plus a secretive job as well)

However, the point being it's a fortunate problem to have. Which only the OP can solve and we can just help in that by showing how the real world works.

Cheers!

Ok, got your point. But yes, travel is not a compulsion for every job out there, and 650 kms of travel one way is no joke, specially where there's no air connectivity.

But again, your quote is something he said himself. Why will he expose himself, it doesn't make sense?
Plus, what will he get by lying to us even if he did?

Maybe he did work for 5 years locally, before getting the chance? Secretive job or a job in intelligence could mean a wide variety of things. Remember, its us who asked for his job nature, he only wanted an opinion on living away from parents?
One of my uncles worked in such a secretive organisation whose name starts with R. We thought he's on border posting as a soldier, after retirement we knew that was not the case exactly.

I'm not hoping for anything specific. Just that I see no concrete reason to go all James Bond on this guy, like we all did, now he got 50+ posts to reply back.
Eitherways, I hope for an update from his side, not that it will answer 50 questions but it'll help clarify things a bit.
Cheers!

[Fuldagap]

Originally Posted by dailydriver

Be an employer, a giver, a creator.

Jobs are dime a dozen, parents aren't!!!

This is indeed a great suggestion.
If he is overwhelmed with leaving his home and parents, he should definitely explore this. But things are not as easy as they seem. He would have already thought about it. Hence the preparation for a govt job for so many years. At a young age with no experience or guidance it is difficult to start something of your own.

3 parameters to consider into the argument:

1. It is not an ordinary govt job. It is a once in a lifetime opportunity for an individual. The initial inhibitions of the OP are ordinary.
2. The initial nervousness of the OP is ordinary.
3. The job will demand more from him than it will ever offer in return.

Despite being boring, it is essentially a purposeful career. One is at the helm of things, given the person takes the job not like just another govt job. There are opportunities that no other profession can offer. Adventure is mostly limited to the mental stimuli.

The job profile of pacer_123 isn't clear nor the department or the post. However, it is the world's second oldest profession. After say 2 years or so the person becomes someone he would not have fathomed even in his dreams. The beauty is that he transforms into a productive employee even without realising it himself. The problems of the worldly affairs start making sense and begin to appear smaller and smaller in size as the career progresses.

It is not always about the salary. The job would teach him patience, resilience, wit, humour, compassion, a delve into worldly affairs, a delve into verticals and professions not possible in any other career, relations with people from each strata of society, eat at places starting from a tea stall to a 7 star hotel throughout the career. And not to mention, for the right employee there is virtually no retirement unless he wants to call it quits. He becomes a consultant the next day of his retirement at the same place.

This is an opportunity to make his mark. When life hands an opportunity, the person needs to be wise enough to take it. There are aspects of the job that can't be discussed online and I have just painted a rough picture.

Yes he could start something of his own and live peacefully at his place for the rest of his life. But it is up to him whether he wants to leave the cocoon or not. What is there except growing, learning, travelling and seeing the world as much as possible. Being an employer is easier said than done. Pacer_123 was preparing for the last 5 years for a job. Had he wanted to or invested that time being an employer, it would have been wiser to do that then.
But if he can still pull off something of his own then who knows where it leads. He could very well forget this job one day with zero regrets.

I concur with Jeroen sir's comment about responsibility. A new joinee sees things bigger than they actually are. Whether he is joining as an specialist or a generalist is not known. If as a generalist, then the opportunities are only limited to his imagination, grit and willingness to learn. The more you want to do, the better the opportunities arise.

Truth be told. Had this job entailed amassing illegal wealth, we'd not be seeing this post. The dilemma is majorly because home is to be left for an office 600 kms away without offering a substantial amount of white or black money. Even then the job demands the whole of your personal life. If it is about money, this job may or may not be the right place. Women, wealth and wine are to be let go of unless you want to be a regular employee.

True that the Op was 5 years into this preparation but his target was not this job as it is a difficult job, he knew it and hence the regret of not clearing any other competition other than this.

As somebody said he is a Mechanical Engineer and should shy away from such govt jobs, who knows he gets to play a role in maintaining the Mercs, Bimmers and the RRs of the top in the future. Who do you think does that? And there is a lot more to it than just these cars. Mechanical engineering is a skill he could utilise in his work someday. Or maybe not.

A lot of IITians, a lot of management executives, a lot of researchers/mathematicians, a lot of economists/bankers are the backbone of such organisations.

Cryptography, cyber and many many other skills are in acute shortage there.

Here is a story for pacer_123:

Many years back a Hyderabad guy from a top MNC American behemoth joined the organisation. Like you he did not know what he was getting into. The day of his joining he walks into the office and learns that he did not really know what office he was joining. He goes to a room for the joining formalities. Confident, he asks a lot of questions to the officer. The officer patiently answers each of his queries.
Some of his questions were:
- Is this really a govt job? Of course it is.
- Will I get leaves when there is need back home? As per leave rules of the govt.
- Is it a risky job? Depends on your posting. There is a component of risk allowance in the salary.
- Can I discuss about the job with family? It is up to you.
- Will there be any training? A thorough training that prepares you to be among the best.
- Is there job security? You can get fired as per govt rules.
- Will I be issued an ID card? Of course you will be.
- What about pension? NPS
- Will I be sent to locations that are not peaceful? You may be.
- Can I write more exams later on? You can do whatever you want as far as exploring other opportunities is concerned and the exams are for a higher pay grade.

There were many more such questions. The officer then told him that he would also be issued a sidearm. The fellow asked what a sidearm was. The officer said it is a revolver or a pistol. The fellow went silent for a few seconds. It was already around 12 pm and the fellow sought directions to the cafeteria to eat something and come back for the joining process. He rose up, exited the room and never came back.

Another story from the same day.
A north guy from an Indian IT company with years of experience joined. He went to the same officer for joining formalities. He asked politely how long will the joining formalities take and how long will he have to wait for a posting or training. The officer replied that it may take just a few hours for the joining formalities but for the posting it might be 1 or 2 months or even more, till then he would have to come back to the same room and sit or help with some or the other work.
The guy went for lunch, came back and completed the joining formalities. He then told the officer he does not like to sit around and requested for some real work as soon as possible. The officer coached him, told him everything that he knew about the organisation, the unlimited possibilities. Within a day or two, he was posted to a room where shots are called for big affairs. He started working and rose the ladder quickly in the same year. Later on got trained with others but while everyone was sitting around and passing the sarkari time, this guy diligently learned and delivered a lot. Few years down the line he was leading the place where only seniors were supposed to be.

pacer_123 has in his hands an opportunity that he can turn into treasure. With supportive folks he can be an asset for himself and the society.

There is no dearth to serve the nation in various ways. Social work, military work, academic or industrial research, agriculture, starting a disruptive startup and so on and so forth are all serving the nation in their own ways.

As someone mentioned about soldiers at the borders, only the soldiers know how much they sacrifice. Why do they do it? Some get into it just for employment and upliftment of folks back at home, some for honour.

A certain somebody I know donates all his salary for more than a decade now. He does what he does because he loves his job. He is among the very best and the very rare for things that are required of him to be done. As for wealth, he has enough by the grace of god. He never married, he never got the time. He is among the few who are responsible for things that matter. He is just one example, there are numerous people out there like him.

Not all government departments are corrupt neither are all employees. The nation thrives because of such a group of people who are tiny islands of excellence in their own departments. As the army says, do you have it in you?

The question that the OP should answer to himself is, would he have still posted this query were it a post of Grade B manager in the RBI? Is it really the homesickness and the love of home or is it something else? If he would have still posted this query here, he should not join the job IMHO.

[Mystic]

I am glad to see the advice given by all for OP and his specific case. It is very detailed and such overwhelming response is coming by co team bhp members to a new member as what an extended family member would advice.

I would take an opportunity of this thread to talk the challenges of separations amongst 4 generations in my family and how we handled the same.

1970: My father had 11 siblings and ours was a joint family with a single kitchen and headed by grand father. My father was a Government servant as engineer and because of the good relationships amongst common wealth countries, he was selected to go on deputation to Nigeria, another common wealth country for 10 years. Initially, my grand mother said no as my father was her pet. After a lot of deliberations, he took a call to leave India with his 4 children ( I am his only son and 3 daughters ). My grand mother had a hard time as we were allowed to visit India only once in a year by Government. Due to many siblings of my father, things were managed and all are made to be happy.

The communications are very costly and to talk on phone was very rare. International trunk calls need to be booked for talking. We used to write many letters and post them to home.

1998: I am the only son to my father and he is retired and all my sisters married and settled. I was living with them for a decade after my engineering doing academic research in engineering in university at a walking distance from home in Visakhapatnam. In those days, academic life was not financially very lucrative and with the Y2K ( year 2000 ), main frames opportunities abroad, I took a decision to go abroad and this time I have to deal with parents who already went through this separation. Both my parents were accommodating but I felt very guilty as I don't have any brothers to take care of them in my absence.

Communications was much better with 5 minutes, 10 minutes phone cards etc we used to buy with 1800 number and talk for a limited time. Skype was there but BSNL internet speed was not good enough.

2015: Now it is the turn of my only child and son to go abroad to do UG ( under graduation ) in CS in USA. There is a huge resistance from my wife. She said what is the need to go abroad at such young immature age when we have IITs in India.This time my son convinced her and promised to call or message her every day first thing after getting up in the morning. This routine is not missed for a single day. He called even today morning irrespective of where he is on this planet as he is always on the move for international conferences as a faculty member of a university.

Communications is at the best we can possibly think with video calls, high speed internet, smart phones. As a father I am ok but only a mother knows what she is missing. We agreed to meet each other every 3 months physically either in India or USA.

Now coming back to OP’s challenge, my advise is that in these days, what he is going through is taken for granted. Please go to any random house in Hyderabad, press the calling bell and ask if anybody from home is in USA. Every other house says Yes. The biggest challenge comes when the parents are left in India alone when the partner is taken away by God and children abroad. This misery of living alone either with servants at home or at old age homes is something that needs to be addressed. Modern problems have modern solutions and it is not a joke that I personally have seen in our extended families that children are busy abroad and parents are spending their last days all alone with even cremations done by strangers by paying a certain package deal.

[Jaguar]

Originally Posted by Fuldagap

1. It is not an ordinary govt job. It is a once in a lifetime opportunity for an individual. The initial inhibitions of the OP are ordinary.
2. The initial nervousness of the OP is ordinary.
3. The job will demand more from him than it will ever offer in return.

Is this an assumption or you have additional info that we do not have?

OP mentioned that he got this posting because of lesser marks/rank. How can that be the selection criteria for an extraordinary job profile?

[Fuldagap]

Originally Posted by Jaguar

Is this an assumption or you have additional info that we do not have?

OP mentioned that he got this posting because of lesser marks/rank. How can that be the selection criteria for an extraordinary job profile?

This is isn't an assumption. I know it for sure. There are multiple ways of recruitment. There are multiple profiles. Low rank in a certain exam doesn't mean he is not intelligent. Sometimes things happen, vacancies arise out of the blue. Sometimes, it is just the way it is. Luck. I told him in one of my posts, it could be a blessing in disguise. I could tell him more if he speaks directly to me. But he won't and he probably shouldn't.

One more story from the yore:

A gentleman joined from Bihar. The officer asked him if he is nervous. The gentleman said he was, as he also has a asst professor job in hand at a university in a nearby state. The officer talked a lot with him and told him to decide whatever he wants and if he ever wishes to join here, he could do that as long as the same officer was in the room responsible for joining. The gentleman went away, taught 7 months at his favourite university. One day he just felt to meet the officer again. Took leave from the university, travelled and again met him. He never went back to the professor job. He served beautifully for his service period.

As for the job being extraordinary. It is so if the joinee is willing to grow. For the rest it can become a regular boring govt job.

[sreerknair]

I guess you were preparing for Civil Services and now got selected to R&AW as Asst. or Deputy Commissioner (lower ranks via UPSC) or as Asst. or Deputy Field officer (via SSC). Since you are from mechanical background, I assume you are in the Technical stream and not on Ground. I acknowledge that Citizens benefit a lot from such Govt. Services. But when it comes to whether you want to take that job up or not, it purely depends on what you want in life. The job will be like any other Govt. job with its own internal politics, job security, connections, and nuisance. If you are on the fence, why don't you try it for a year or two and then decide whether you want to continue? And if you are really worried about moving away from parents, and your village, then don't join and continue where you are now.

[saisree]

Originally Posted by pacer_123

I've completed my graduation five years ago.
Since then, I started preparing for exams to secure a job in the govt sector.
After five years (with Covid in-between), I've finally cleared the exam and got a govt job.

.

Originally Posted by Engine_Roars

Congratulation on getting the job, well done.

If you are stinky rich & can survive living in your village for the rest of your life, please don't take up the job, it is not worth it at the expense of your peace. However, if you have to take up a job to survive, I would say, take this one up. Travel, live alone for sometime(It is altogether a different feeling), you will grow in ways you never thought you could.

You could always chose to quit & go back to your village, those doors will always be open for you.

+1
Great write up. I Second you for all that you wrote and when I read the OP's post the same thought came to my mind.

Mr @pacer_123, there is something called Transfer which you can always try for and get to a nearby place. The world is smaller and you will get time to meet your parents for sure. Be brave, get on to the Job and I wish you all the best

[anjan_c2007]

Referring to the OP I would like to address some of your genuine and not so genuine concerns. Pointwise, the answers would be like:-

(1) These days government jobs have become very, very scarce and vacancies are not being filled by government departments in most cases. And vacancies lapse (for all Central government posts and also in many cases state government posts) once these remain unfilled for two years or more. Revalidation of such lapsed posts by departments is an uphill task.
Hence, since you have been selected and have got the job offer you must join this job at the place of posting. There should be no other option now.

(2) Since you are a new pass-out, your parents could be just around 50 or so. They are independent and can still sustain themselves on their own. Hence, this is the recommended time period when you can work outside. Only when they age, they may need your support.

(3) The distance of 650 + 650 kms is not so odd. Overnight journeys can surely be performed by the available means of public transport. So departing on Saturday evenings, being at home for Sunday and again starting the journey back on Sunday evening or night should work towards reaching you at your office desk on Monday mornings. This can be done af least once or twice a month.

(4) Lastly, you are not too far away from home. You can think about the thousands of single children who have left their aged parents alone here and are doing jobs in faraway countries, from where they can visit their homes only once in one or two years.

A junior colleague working in a private company in Saudi Arabia got an appointment offer in my government department. He had come to me to get my view as to whether he should join this government job in India or stay back in Saudi Arabia, where he was doing well. I told him to join immediately and not to exercise any other option. When he asked "why so?", I told him that government jobs have age limits for entry. Once you are past that limit you are not eligible. But if you join here and don't like this government job later, you are free to quit and go back to Saudi Arabia. There is no age limit for the job there. He instantly agreed, and I am proud to say that he is still doing the government job 15 years hence, happily and has not quit.