[rajeevsulu]

I was very hesitant to pen down this write up.I later realized that it would be of some help to fellow members of the forum. I am an oral surgeon based out of Erode. I was happily married to an engineer from Bengaluru.It was a lovely marriage of 17 years. November 11 2022 was when I lost my wife to a sudden angina episode and associated complications. It was very sudden and despite my best efforts, I lost her in 5 days.

The immediate week to 10 days went with dealing with her office formalities and stuff. When I got back to Erode and my surgical procedures, I thought I could cope with the loss. I was wrong and very wrong. In a week, I knew I was getting depressed slowly. I met my friend, colleague who is a psychiatrist. Having a past history of alcoholism, which was done away with, and, me being alcohol free for the last 6 years, that was our major concern. It is very easy to relapse. We decided that i have to pursue something which is a passion. I actively pursue photography, music and automobiles.

Motorcycles have always been a passion and my college days were with my Rx-100. The best years of my life were in Dental college, mainly because of my bike and partly due to my love for dentistry and oral surgery. I booked and took delivery of my Chrome 2 Interceptor in February 23.My rejuvenation started with this machine coming in to my life. It took up my free hours, stopped me from brooding, kept me away from depression, alcohol, suicide, and a lot more.

Meanwhile Mahindra announced the RWD Thar.I took the plunge and booked the diesel HT MT in red. I took delivery of this beauty in March 2023.My therapy was complete with the arrival of this beauty. I had two lovely machines which would take up all my free time. I did not have to slip into depression or alcoholism because of these machines. To arrive at the decision regarding these machines, a big thanks to the lovely members of this forum who guided me through their ownership threads, their responses to my queries, and helping me with personal messages. I bow down to them for keeping my sanity intact. Regarding this forum, it has not only been my guide to anything related to wheels, 2 or 4,it has shown me the path to sanity. I could and would have very easily slipped into depression.

Losing dear ones is unavoidable. Life has its own way of throwing curve balls at us. How we deal with these is in our hands. I chose this way and it has kept me sane.

Attaching a few pictures of my lovely machines:









Cheers

[GTO]

Thread moved out from the Assembly Line.

[AltoLXI]

Originally Posted by rajeevsulu

My rejuvenation started with this machine coming in to my life. It took up my free hours, stopped me from brooding, kept me away from depression, alcohol, suicide, and a lot more.

Dealing with a loss of near and dear ones is never easy how much ever others can try to help. The memories will always come flooding back. The worst part is the small things one had chosen to ignore, intentionally or otherwise, in the relation will come to hurt the most. The more sensitive/attached one is - the more the grief.

When I read about your post, I remembered this episode from cycle baba - an youtuber who is cycling all around the world from past few years on this cycle which he calls Dhanno. Many parallels - he is also a doctor, lost his wife in accident and found solace in cycling. I watch all his inspiring episodes every week. His story in the video below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoBMYVh-Ss8

[aaggoswami]

Appreciate your courage to post here.

Sorry to hear about your loss. Losing a loved one has deep impact on us and it shows up in our life more than what one can imagine.

Allow me to share my experience.

Lost my mom in Feb 2018, cardiac arrest. I was at home walking on terrace and couldn't hear when my mom called me when she started feeling uncomfortable. By the time I came downstairs, she was no more. Dad meanwhile was detected with MSA-C, a fatal neuro-degenerative disorder in Dec 2012. Dad left for his heavenly abode in Sep'2019. Watching dad's health deteriorate over 7 years was very, very painful. Its difficult to express in words how tough it is. From loss of balance, speech to an inch away from bed-ridden.

Life is unpredictable, while being lost at words to express further, I think our loved ones we lost would like to see us happy.

[amol4184]

Condolences and prayers for you. Dealing with such loss is a life altering process. I lost my dad during Covid and my life will never be same again.

The grief suddenly hits me doing random things. Its been more than 2 years and it feels like time has stopped after his death because the person leaves, grief remains and you try to find ways to overcome or avoid it - which you can't. I realize this now and accepted it.

After his passing, I did read up on how people cope with such loss and there are numerous helpful articles which you will be able to find. Its never one solution for all, so the effectiveness will vary but there is one comment that I found on Reddit that hit the nail on its head. Reading that comment was like turning pages back in my life after dad's passing. So accurate and so touching.

I am going to copy and paste that comment here for better visibility but the original text can be found here. I am not taking credit for this absolutely incredible piece of advice. Its beautiful.

Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.

As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.

Just reading this comment again has me choking a little.

[nareshtrao]

Originally Posted by rajeevsulu

Losing dear ones is unavoidable. Life has its own way of throwing curve balls at us. How we deal with these is in our hands. I chose this way and it has kept me sane.
Attaching a few pictures of my lovely machines

Cheers

My heartfelt condolences. Thanks too for sharing. It is indeed courageous to share what you have and more importantly, pick up in life and move on with strength like you did.

Nice machines you got there. Enjoy your rides and continue to be a source of courage to others. God bless.

[rajeevsulu]

Originally Posted by amol4184

The grief suddenly hits me doing random things.

My condolences to you on your loss. This is what is happening to me as well. It hurts when I think of ways I could have been better or more understanding. It won't help now but as per your posted quote

"The deeper the scar, more the love hence more the pain."
The waves will always be there and the waves will keep me grounded as well
Thanks to all the lovely members who have messaged me in private and shared their grief here on the thread.

Sharing is caring

Cheers

[HappyWheels]

Originally Posted by rajeevsulu

...It was a lovely marriage of 17 years. November 11 2022 was when I lost my wife to a sudden angina episode and associated complications. It was very sudden and despite my best efforts, I lost her in 5 days.
...

Not easy to pen down such thoughts; hats off to your courage in doing so.

One is never going to be prepared for such scenario, regardless of how much planning goes into it; inevitable situation to be dealt with - for the surviving partner.

Originally Posted by rajeevsulu

... I had two lovely machines which would take up all my free time. I did not have to slip into depression or alcoholism because of these machines
...

Great to hear this; wish you happy motoring, on two wheels and 4.

I did post graduation in Erode and love the place. The people, food and country side.

[niranjan.mulye]

My condolences. No matter how much people say that the pain heals with time, its never easy. We only get used to the pain and learn to live with it.
I lost my mother in a car accident when I was just 18years old.
I have been a car enthusiast since childhood so investing free time in my cars and bikes has helped a lot.As they say 'Empty mind is a devils workshop'.
Also having a friend who will listen to you helps. Piling up your mind with all the emotions and thoughts worsens the situation.
Stay healthy stay safe and dont give up��

[ssoni.1411]

Heartfelt condolences to you and it takes a lot of courage to share this publicly. I am happy to hear that you have been coping with this so well. All I can say is that you can always share your pain with us on this forum and we will be happy to help.
You have two brilliant machines and the quote, "Cars and bikes are an extension of yourself. They are not toys, they are a part of you", cannot be described more aptly. Hope you are in good health and you've a fuss free ownership

[Rajjay]

My heartfelt condolences. Losing a loved one, especially your better half- well it's something beyond imagination.

[GeeTee TSI]

Sorry to hear about your loss. While I experienced a personal loss of my soulmate, it was (and is) amazing how this very forum ended up being hand rail of sorts propping me up. Equally relatable to me is taking to wheels (and driving) as an antidote, all this while many past pursuits did not make sense to me anymore after the loss.

Keep engaging in a (any) physical activity which involves application of the mind and body, plunge yourself into such pursuits with full involvement

[Red Liner]

I am sorry for everyone’s loss. Here’s a nice story about losing a loved one.

Kisa Gotami was the wife of a wealthy man of Savatthi. Her story is one of the most famous ones in Buddhism. After losing her only child, Kisa Gotami became desperate and asked if anyone could help her. Her sorrow was so great that many thought she had lost her mind. An old man told her to see the Buddha. The Buddha told her that he could bring the child back to life if she could find white mustard seeds from a family where no one had died. She desperately went from house to house, but to her disappointment, she could not find a house that had not suffered the death of a family member. Finally the realization struck her that there is no house free from mortality. She returned to the Buddha, who comforted her and preached to her the truth. She was awakened and entered the first stage of enlightenment. Eventually, she became an Arahat.

I also thought this Instagram post is quite poignant.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/Csri6...RlODBiNWFlZA==

Lots of love to all of you,

[Sahil00090]

More power to you. Thanks for sharing your grief and ways to overcome it.

Isnt it amazing how grief helps people to connect with each other who were otherwise not able to relate to each other at this personal level?

While I am happy to read that you were able to find something to keep your mind focused at, I just want to say whenever you feel like you need a hand, feel free to share it here or PM.

[Small Bot]

Grief affects people and their perception in different ways. And grief is deeply personal and it's ok for others to not fully understand it.

Around 15 years ago, I lost one of my closest relatives, my maternal grandmother, from complications following a long struggle with diabetes among other things. I was her favourite grandchild and it hit me the hardest. I was a teenager, that was my first brush with mortality and I was absolutely devastated and inconsolable for a few weeks. To the point where relatives were pointing out and asking: "Why is he crying this much?"

Around 10 years ago, one of my uncles (a police officer) met with a work accident and was paralysed from the neck down. That, coupled with the death of his wife earlier, drove my maternal grandfather to commit suicide by poison. That was devastating for both me and my mother. I even now have a very visceral reaction towards suicide. To the point where I believe it's the coward's way out and doesn't account for the pain and suffering it causes to those who survive. But I was the one who saw my hitherto strong mother break down and become a shell of what she was, due to this. So I think I'm entitled to my views as a survivor. I now realise that my grandfather might have had mental health issues and might have needed medical support, but it doesn't stop me from getting all this boiling hot anger at one of my closest family members for abandoning us.

Then earlier this year, I lost one of my favourite cats. She contracted a monster case of jaundice and wasted away in front of me. After she died, I couldn't cry, couldn't move on, couldn't sleep or eat properly for weeks, couldn't focus on work, and I'd stop and stare at every cat in the road and get lost in my memories. I was told: "It's just a cat, move on in life." But I know the pain of losing someone who gave you unconditional love. I was the one who fed her as a newborn furbaby with a feeding bottle when she was abandoned as the runt of the litter. She kept me sane through Covid and lockdown and isolation for almost a year. So I almost felt like nobody else had the right to tell me whether I should grieve less for an animal as compared to for a human. I did move on a little, by adopting another fiesty, demanding abandoned kitten. But there's always a space stored in my heart for the little furball that I lost.

These days, I see my parents getting frail and fall ill to several diseases. I see them struggling to recover from minor illnesses. I see them lose hair, turn wrinkled, grey, feeble and old. And instead of panicking about what might inevitably come their way, I consciously try to create good memories, try to take care of them and basically cherish every single moment that I have left with them. That's the only way I can function without going nuts now.