[rajeevsulu]

Originally Posted by Small Bot

Grief affects people and their perception in different ways.
These days, I see my parents getting frail and fall ill to several diseases. I see them struggling to recover from minor illnesses. I see them lose hair, turn wrinkled, grey, feeble and old. And instead of panicking about what might inevitably come their way, I consciously try to create good memories, try to take care of them and basically cherish every single moment that I have left with them. That's the only way I can function without going nuts now.

My condolences for your losses. What you have said above is what is in our control. Make good memories which can be cherished over and over again. Memories can get us through bad times.
Once again, courage to all those who have lost close ones. Thanks once again for reaching out to me via messages or here. It helps immensely.
Cheers

[subie_socal]

Heartfelt condolences for your loss.

The though of losing someone you love is painful and something I wish we need not have to undergo. But it is what it is. As someone who lost my father not long ago, I can empathise with your sorrow. I may not be as old as others here (still in healthy part of the 20's), but death spares no one. Even though I am regarded as one who thinks practically in my family, deep down I am still in pain and occasionally break down whenever I miss my dad. I've come to terms with it now, but it took really long time to get here. There was a period where I felt I'm totally lost. The only things that kept me sane where my interests and my close friend.

All I can say its not to feel bad about letting out your emotions at places where you comfortably can (at home, in company with your closest friends). While they may not be around physically, they have become your guardian angel.

Here's a wonderful post by one of my twitter friends. Hope this helps

[Raghav07]

Heartfelt condolences for your loss.

I appreciate your spirit and the strength in coping with your loss, it must have been really hard for you.

You did the right thing in going to a psychiatrist and making sure your mental health is good.

I like how you took your mind off the loss by biking and buying a new car, hope you have great memories with them.

You have incredible bravery and mental strength, many of us reading this, including me, are inspired by your journey.

Please stay positive, and I'm glad your love of vehicles has kept you in a good state of mind.

[rajeevsulu]

A little about my lovely saviours, my Interceptor and my Thar:

Interceptor

9 months old
12,500 km done
Modifications done:
Power rage slipons
Cost 16,000
Mileage 26.75 kmpl
Problems:none
What I love: the power

Thar 1.5 RWD Diesel

7 months old
13,000 km done
Modifications
AVO suspension
Seat covers
Audio system upgrade
Ceramic coating done
Headlights and fog lights upgrade
Mileage:17 kmpl
Cons: None
What I love: Everything.
This vehicle has given me more joy than I expected
There were so many nay-sayers for the Thar.
This vehicle is my saviour
Spent on mods
AVO suspension-1, 10,000
Seat covers-16, 000
Lights, fog lamps,-17, 000
Audio system-150000
Ceramic coating 3M-26, 000
Joy derived-infinity

Cheers
Rajeevsulu

[rajeevsulu]

October 2nd was marked by my pujari to be the day when my wife's 11 th month puja would be done. My pujari hails from Cochin and i got him driven down. All arrangements had been done in advance with meticulous precision so that the puja would be done the way it should be.
A small bunch of 15 people (friends and relatives) gathered on the day and the puja was performed. It was a very solemn occasion, as it should be, and went on as well as it could. I basically am not the very pious and religious kind but my late wife was. The puja was done keeping her sentiments in mind.
It was a coincidence that the puja date was on her birthday. October 2nd will never be the same again.
May she rest in peace.
They said "Time Heals".
It didn't. It has not even dulled the pain.
Team Bhp, my Thar, My Interceptor, My garden have kept me going. My job was always there.
Rajeevsulu

[Chetan_Rao]

Originally Posted by rajeevsulu

...October 2nd will never be the same again.
May she rest in peace...

I can't begin to imagine how you must feel. I can only hope & pray things get better with time.

Take care of yourself.

[rajeevsulu]

Originally Posted by Chetan_Rao

Take care of yourself.

Thank you very much.

[mugen_pinaki27]

@rajeevsulu, I know the pain of losing a loved one. Time does heal. I honor my loved one by being the version she wanted me to be. I know you do too. And that is how, I think, we ought to remember our loved ones. Your wife's always with you and by you. Just as my loved one is by me and with me.

Peace!

[shrk_18]

@rajeevsulu It takes immense courage to even pen something down like this. Time will partially heal things, byt they will never be the same again. May the almighty give you all the strength to get through this. Please take care

[Mystic]

Originally Posted by rajeevsulu

They said "Time Heals".
It didn't. It has not even dulled the pain.
Rajeevsulu

Originally Posted by Mystic

Let me start with a quote by my grand father.

“The body is a fortuitous concourse of atoms. There is no death for the body, only an exchange of atoms. Their changing places and taking different forms is what we call 'death.' It's a process which restores the energy level in nature that has gone down. In reality, nothing is born and nothing is dead- UG”

I am sorry rajeevsulu. I believe by now, the first year ceremony must have been done.

I penned my thoughts on the importance of conducting the ceremonies in another thread.

One needs to spend time in the spiritual path to get solace as it is very difficult to get healed and get answers with time.

I personally never experienced the loss of someone prematurely but go through the emotions of my wife who lost her only brother ( 40+ years, 6 ft , 100kg and in perfect health) during COVID days. She remembers him every day with tears rolling involuntarily even after 3 years and I usually donot talk during those seconds but be with her until she gets over it ( I resist my temptation of giving her the gyan of my grand father philosophy https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U._G._Krishnamurti).

[rajeevsulu]

Thank you all for the warm love and kind words. I just try and be the version of me Sulo wanted me to be. Not a whole lot different to what I am actually, but, a little softer, kinder, and a little smoother around the rough edges. I hope to continue being that version.

[Amrit@wheels]

I am deeply sorry for your loss. I am 25, and after going through the thread, all I want to say is that I aspire to be a husband at least half as good as you are. My best wishes to you, kind sir.

[sidoza]

It breaks my heart to read this. I feel truly saddened about your loss and pray to God to give you the strength to go through this.

If it's any solace, remember that this brother of yours is standing right behind you. You are not alone. Have courage my friend, and weather this, because that's what life demands from us, all said and done.

Chin up and keep walking!

[aveoman19]

Originally Posted by rajeevsulu

They said "Time Heals".
It didn't. It has not even dulled the pain.

This line is very true. I lost my dear Mother in 2010 and since then my Father was my everything. In fact my dear Father never let me feel how much I missed my Mother until the 2nd November 2023. My Father, a Mechanical Engineer, an Automobile enthusiast and a master of Ship Repairs, breathed his last some time after 1 p.m. on the 2nd of November on the same day I left home for finishing up some job at Chennai. In fact I was in touch with him a few hours before I stopped getting replies from him when I realised something was not right. I got confirmation of the same when the fire brigade informed me that they had to break open the door to get access to him. He was lying lifeless next to the flight of stairs. Post Mortem report said it could be a Cardiac arrest. There was a shoulder for me to cry on whenever I felt sad thinking about my dear Mother but now that both my angels have gone to the golden fields of Elysium, I keep crying alone, with a feeling of having a deep hole in the middle of my chest. Many will say with good intentions that they are always there for us but when we lose our dearest in the family, no one can replace their loss.

Sir, I can only pray to whatever force there is up there, to give you all the strength in this world to live strong and I pray for Madam's soul. I hope I can learn to live with the pain too.

P.S. I have attached the picture of my Dear departed Father.
His name: Patinharath Premnath.
Age: 70.

Request you all to pray for his soul.

[subraiyr]

Hi Rajeev

Firstly, condolences. Such threads need a lot of time to read and digest. I see you are on a self-healing journey and some of the things that you have done are remarkable. They are pointers for a lot of us to ponder and maybe imbibe as well as and when the time/situation arises.
I have been there at least a couple of times - although it was not my spouse. A long time friend who passed away due to an accident. Tragic situation that he was found unconscious by the roadside, taken to a hospital around 2am, staff struggling to find his caretakers, contacts and finally reached me. Spent over 10 days, but with a bad head trauma he passed away. His last breath was in my arms as i held him across my chest. Same with my father, who died in my lap. Another incident of someone very close to me, dying in my arms.

Kudos to you for putting it out there. Grief is so difficult to go through. Even if you have a great support system, it is very personal and takes time. Different people cope with grief in different ways. But always, acknowledging grief and then getting it out in the open is the first step. As Indians, the male species is trained, no expected to not show grief and be strong. That is not the case. One needs to let it out and you my friend have got your own way to deal with it

Rituals are mankind's way of dealing with losses. If you notice all religions have a plethora of rituals for death. Hinduism has its defined rituals. Going through all of it may seem a task, but even if you are not spiritual it does help you deal with grief. The other ritual is that you follow in life. Maybe your trips and travels are all rituals and these will help. Have a life ritual - it can be anything as long as there is continuity in it.

Time will help you deaden the sorrow. It will not heal it completely. The pain you feel tomorrow will definitely be lesser compared to what you are going through. Speak up when you go through a rough patch in your journey. Have your go-to person whom you can vent out at, talk, discuss and unburden your soul

Keep the faith my friend. Humans are tenacious after all