Prosper and Haule were friends. Just about. They needed each other's company, but were both young males, dreaming to dominate the pride and be King.
As they wandered around the African Savannah, they chanced upon 2 lionesses. "
Fair game?" wondered Prosper, strapping young Lion with a beautiful blackish mane."
I should think so."
Prosper figured that 2 strapping lads walking up might seem inappropriate. Besides, only one young lioness looks like she's interested.
(Storywriter: For those that do not know this, lions are very very, umm, umm, like they have what goats have on their head, you know, like they're very
doey, and they can do it more than a 100 times, yes, 100 times a day)
Prosper: "
Wait here, Haule. As I am marginally older, it is my right to be with the interested lioness. Wait here, behind the bush and do not come out until I say so"
Haule: (To himself)"
Ohhhhhh, Mr.-I-am-marginally-older, this Prosper thinks no end of himself, why the hell do I have to hide here like a rabbit, while he has all the fun"
Sam: (to himself)
"I wonder what these big jungle cats are doing here. I am young and extremely stupid. I should stop the jeep and wait here and see what happens."
Prosper doesn't waste much time with his courtship. The other lioness, as he expected, declines to participate and soon Prosper has found Unguru.
Prosper: "
How you doin'?"
And with that line, they get down to the old whompity whompity.
(Storywriter: I must point out that Lions are extremely noisy. You know, noisy. Loud. And ummm strong. If there was a fan in the house below, it would have fallen down. Understood?)
Prosper: (singing loudly, very loudly, almost a roar)
" This is how we make the cubs,
make the cubs, make the cubs.
This is how we make the cubs,
all through the day"
Sam: (to Jonathan) "
Oh look!! They're, they're... Oh!! Look they're uhh...!"
Jonathan(flatly): "
We go Bwana".
Sam:
"Jonathan, they're, they're DOING IT!!"
Jonathan"
We go NOW, now big trouble, big trouble"
Sam: "
Are you mad?? Stay right here?"
Back to the lions:
Haule: (To himself) "
How dare he? He's singing loudly and annoying me. I want a piece of the action too, why should I sit here."
Haule steps out!
Unguru Screams! "
OMG, there's a strange Lion there!! Watching us!! EEEK!!"
Unguru quickly collects her things and runs, covering her modesty. Prosper is in an awkward poisition, in a prickly bush. He has to walk out backwards. "
Why that stupid annoying Haule I'm gonna KILL him!! Ouch, ouch, thorn, ouch, ahh, not there, not there, please god, OUCH"
Prosper: "
HAULE, HOW DARE YOU! ROAAARRRRR!"
Haule" "
Oh never mind you, Mr.-Big-Shot-how-dare-you, Where's my action!!"
Haule strikes Prosper, Prosper hits Haule. They're fighting and the roars are deafening. They both start running towards my jeep.
Jonathan has turned white. It is extremely difficult for him to do this.
He starts, but takes a little longer to reach for the key, as his eyes are frozen to the spectacle.
I'm cowering inside, have sat down. The 2 males are now fighting within a few feet of the Jeep. I'm too terrified to close the window. I've never seen anything so passionate in africa yet. I can take no more pictures after this, with good reason.
Haule runs! Prosper is too strong for him. Haule runs straight into the back of the jeep! BANG!!!! The whole vehicle rocks hard. He still hasn't realised that it's a Jeep with humans inside.
Jonathan is invoking every spirit in wild africa as his hands close on the key!. Vrooom!! God bless the reliable Defender 110.
Both lions freeze, startled by the sound. They were so engrossed in the fight, neither had noted the Jeep, right in front of them. They both snarl and now run towards the Jeep, enraged!!
Jonathan floors it, my eyes are shut tight for the next few minutes. I suspect Jonathan's eyes are shut too.
The End
Don't do it boys. let the wild animals make their whappa whappa bompity bomp in peace. It's nature's way of making small wild animals. Learn from my mistakes. If you see an umm... uneasy lion, around a few lionesses, don't stop. Don't talk. Don't take photos.
Just keep driving as fast as you possibly can!!
Tomorrow: Ungulate Stories, When to HONK HONK, and when not to