[Ramon]

The Covid induced lockdown and consequent migration to online platform for almost everything to day with our daily lives has brought a lot of new challenges to us in our lives. An incident I faced at work and and I am sure its not the only one.

I work at a Public Sector Bank and around a year back one day in the afternoon a middle aged man walked in, and furiously accused us (the bank) of making unauthorised deductions from his bank account. He came upto me and let loose a barrage of accusations against us.

I calmed him down and asked him for his passbook and I took a look at his account. Yes indeed there were several transactions in his account ranging from as little as Rs. 20/- to over Rs. 3000/- and it summed up to over Rs. 20,000/- a considerable amount for anyone and more so for the man in front of me - someone who was a small time business man whose business was shut down due to Covid and was struggling to make ends meet.

I started to dig deeper to find out where the money had gone. The narration on all transactions were the same - Google Play services. I asked him if he used his account to make purchases online. He answered that he doesn't do it. Then I asked him who all used his phone at first he said it was used only by him and then he said his son uses it to attend his online classes. That rang a bell in my mind and I asked him if he uses it for games. And bingo - the answer was yes.

The son - in his early teens was using his dads phone to play games and had at one point used his debit card to make purchases in-game. The card once added was saved to the google account was being used again and again.

I gently explained to the man as to what was happening and as he realised what had happened, his ire was directed to his son and though his son was not there now, it was evident that there was going to be a major showdown at home. I felt sorry for the man, but also the son had to be corrected - but in the right way.

My parenting was at a much more nascent stage with my elder daughter being only 6 and I had no idea as to how to deal with a deliquent teenager.

I reached out to a senior colleague - an ex-servicemen with two kids in their late teens and seen and done a lot more parenting than me. Thankfully he was free at the moment. (Normally with around 200 to 250 footfalls at two counters in the branch we will be on our toes the whole day.). I briefed him on the situation and he took over and calmed down the man. He advised the man - not to act in fury, but to have the boy sit down and talk and explain to how the actions had affected the family in this time of distress and so on. By the time he left the man left he had visibly calmed down. We blocked the card from further usage and helped him to apply for a new card. We hoped that things would be ok at his home.

A couple of days later he visited the branch, now much more relaxed. His son had admitted to using the card and had expressed regret for the same and had now promised to never repeat the same. He thanked us for the the help and left.

And this case was not the last - I later had to deal with three other similar cases at our branch as lockdown and online classes dragged on and one affected person was one of my Maths teachers from school.

[Mad Max]

I've setup time using Microsoft Family and connected that to my mobile. I inform the kiddo that he's got these slots and he can be on the computer during these hours. His school time lasts for about 5 hours and so immediately after, there's a block of an hour so that he doesn't get fatigued. Rest is always "negotiable" given what he's doing - playing games with his friends or just watching videos.

Haven't been strict but I am encouraging him to set his own limits (e.g. he tries to setup alarms / timers on the computer as he plays so that he gets to know if he's been on it for long durations) but I don't keep harassing him about it.

These online classes are killing him and he's a pretty social fella. So, now I tell him to go out and play (we live in a gated community) since it's relatively safe but I know it's taking a chance.

The dilemma is immense.

[satchit_bhp]

iOS has a built in app for screen time which is pretty good. We can set a time limit to the apps and block the ones which are not suitable for kids.
The screen time data can be shared with the parents device, so that the parent is aware of all what is done by their kids throughout the day.

[gauravanekar]

Hey guys try NASA’s official app in iPadOS, it’s so interesting that my 3 yr old son identifies and names all planets in solar system by sight. Initially I used to sit with him and let him explore as much as he wanted and answered all his questions. I never underestimated his ability to understand and answered all his question scientifically accurately, if there were something which I really didn’t understand I used to admit the same.
He learnt the concept of day, night, sunrise, sunset, earths orbit around sun and moons orbit around earth, Earth’s spin and the whole works.

How do I know he truly understood the concept you ask? One fine morning he got up at 7 AM looked out of the window and casually remarked to his mom “oh earth had rotated”!!

One other thing I allow my son to do is explore this site in a browser: https://pschool.in/

My parents started restricting usage of iPad from 8:00pm to 8:30pm everyday. Initially he would keep on asking when will it be 8:00pm, then I taught him how to read wall clock. Now it has become a game for him to keep looking at wall clock and shout out the actual hour.

Like all other kids the greatest attraction is YouTube and I try and cast the videos in to our main tv so that he doesn’t have to watch videos for Long time with such low focusing distance, tv is better than mobile or tablet screen.

Overall I think it’s about how we use the digital tools and how much thought we put into this problem more than anything else. It’s a tool after all.

[NiInJa]

For my 3 year old kid, excessive screen time came in due to both I and my wife catching the virus initially. The only way to keep him away from us was to hand over the phone to him, so he sort of got addicted to it.

Screen time is inevitable for most kids, but, right from the start, I have monitored and directed him to watch only 'educational' stuff and kept his screen sessions interactive and that has helped me and his mom to a large extent as far as learning is concerned. He can speak in English (in Peppa Pig's accent ), Hindi (learnt from Geneveive's Playhouse Hindi) only because of YouTube. I initially showed him videos of AC or Washing Machine getting dismantled/repaired, so he himself asks me to show videos similar to that, then there's this other guy called 'Blippi' whose videos are fun and interactive, he has picked up a lot of things from these videos. I don't think I have showed him a single Bollywood video song so far. We also make a point to sit next to him and ask what is happening on screen instead of just placing him in front of the TV and doing our stuff.

Even on the phone, the games that he plays are mostly about solving puzzles or interactive (like fixing a car, cooking, playing a doctor etc). There are some games which involve watching ads to play or wait for 30 mins before they can be replayed, which bores him out so he gives up voluntarily.

I believe the infraction method will work once he becomes a little more understanding, right now his tantrums are too bad (and time consuming) if I confiscate anything from him. It makes more sense to ease him into giving up the phone on his own, even if that means spending 5-7 minutes more.

The one and only solution to move him away from phone is: Involve yourself in his activities and vice-versa He voluntarily gives up the phone and joins me when I start playing with his toys or if I do some chore like changing a bulb or fixing something.

I couldn't help but post his photo, I showed him this multi-meter two months back to check few cells he had taken out of his toys and now he does this on his own...

[pandabear]

Guys, use https://families.google.com/familylink/
Android app is there and you can manage your kids smartphone. Extremely useful is an understatement.

You can set timers when phone will unlock and lock itself, every app install requires parental approval and you can even ban apps from the phone. You can even prevent the camera from working. Lots more features, Try it and thank me later.

[chetancm7]

Great thread and I am able to relate to most of you. I have a 5 year old daughter. She is an outdoor person and her nature is such that she can play with anybody as long as she has somebody to play with. My office starts from 11 am onwards so I tend to play with her till that time and after that my wife takes over since she has sacrificed her career to take care of our daughter.

When we were in Bangalore this was the routine for almost 15 months during the last year and then I got contracted with Covid, my daughter was extremely upset since I wasn't available to play with her. We made a decision to move back to my wife's home town (Hubli) and have taken a rented house here next to my in-laws. Now its a relief to come over here since the house being an individual one has lot of space to move around and enable my daughter to play outside. We also introduced her to one of our neighbor kids and that's how she is engaged for the moment. Her screen time is limited during lunch and supper only. We never give her our mobile or laptop for any reason at all.

[Rajeevraj]

Originally Posted by kosjam

I have a query on this. Wouldn't it be easier to control screen time and addiction rate to gadgets if instead of a tablet or a smartphone, the kids were given a desktop which kind of limits the ability of the kid to fool around on it? (playing games / watching Youtube videos / etc)

This is kind of the approach we have had towards my daughter (now 10). Never ever gave a mobile phone to her when she was smaller but was more lenient on the TV. Now because of online classes, the laptop also is more used, but have rarely seen her sit with the laptop for entertainment. And she does not use the phone at all for any entertainment stuff.

But I can understand the challenge of parents with <5 year olds, earlier a generation gap was 5-10 years, now it is probably 2-3 years. When my daughter was in the formative years: 3-4 years old (~7 years back), the stuff you could do on a phone was still limited, so it was easier to control. Now it is much much harder. And let us face it, how much ever we blame the kids, I am sure all of us spend significantly more time on the phone than we did even 5 years back.

Don't believe in the carrot and stick approach. But again, as mentioned above, I guess am an old parent now.

[anjan_c2007]

It's soothing to note that the system is working for your little son. Since her elder sister I presume understands the situation and is cooperating with her father (you) and mother, I would also suggest you to allow your daughter to convey about the ill effects of mobiles on little ones to the kid. A sister to brother communication will be more digestible by the kid, as compared to the parental instructions. Parental instructions no doubt are very much valued though but are only obeyed by kids out of fear and insecurity.

Also, the parents and the elder sister can educate the kid about the ill effects of mobiles on children through such educative videos:-

https://youtu.be/h526a5offAQ

https://youtu.be/1T5Q479EzX8

The point is that the kid needs to get educated about the ill effects of such prolonged mobile usage, so that he on his own voluntarily tries to stay away from the gizmos.

This is because, for little children such methodologies like infractions would work wonders. But as soon as the kids reach adolescence, the rebel inside them manifests and a majority of them usually develop likings for things that were prohibited for them as children.