20th September 2016, 10:07 | #121 |
BHPian Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: Toronto
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| Re: Life in your 40s This thread is absolutely brilliant. I keep coming back to read these posts again and again. I am in my early 30s and trying to get my life on track - financially. I have never been much of a saver, but I am trying hard now. Also, I try to be in the present a lot consciously and stop worrying about unnecessary things. It's tough as I have loved to dream I really hope to imbibe a lot of words of wisdom. As someone said - You will never be as young as you are today. I have a question to people who have had kids. I have two, a daughter aged 2.5 and a son about 10 months. And as my wife and I are working, it becomes really tough to manage them despite a permanent domestic help. Off late I realize that I have been shouting at my daughter for petty issues - and later I feel guilty about. How have people managed? We are a nuclear family and none of our extended family members can be with us. |
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20th September 2016, 10:23 | #122 | |
BHPian Join Date: Jul 2015 Location: Bangalore
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| Re: Life in your 40s Well, you realize deepness in saying 'patience is a virtue', when you have small kid. Shouting never helps, it only makes kid emotionally vulnerable. 2.5 is a tender age, where you can try to divert their attention. Sometimes speaking to them as if you are talking to an adult, works wonder. Positive incentives (such as more playtime, a chocolate etc) also start working with kids of age 2.5 Telling them stories about kids who listen to their parents and how they do well in life, also help them develop a habit of listening and responding positively to parents. Basically, more meaningful conversations leads to better cooperation from kids. All from my humble experience of having a 7 year old son and 15 months daughter Quote:
Last edited by Acharya : 20th September 2016 at 10:24. | |
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20th September 2016, 10:50 | #123 |
Senior - BHPian Join Date: Sep 2014 Location: Chennai
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| Re: Life in your 40s
Sooner or later, domestic help or not, one of you will need to de-escalate their lifestyle (more work from home days etc) to avoid the kids growing up into what is known as the "latchkey generation". Disconnected from their parents, possibly led into bad habits without guidance etc. And even before that their academics will suffer. |
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20th September 2016, 11:51 | #124 | ||
BHPian Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: Toronto
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| Re: Life in your 40s Quote:
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The problem though with WFH is that my daughter hardly lets me to work | ||
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20th September 2016, 12:51 | #125 | |||||||
Senior - BHPian | Re: Life in your 40s Very interesting, indeed. Plenty of perspectives - most of them relate to health, money, aspirations, 'enjoyment' etc. Well, looking at all the inputs (including some touching experiences - by noopster, for instance, and others that I have cherry picked), my views go like this. (I am in my 50s, so probably am that much more qualified to dole out friendly advice ) Some messages that are firmly etched in my memory - 1. Learn to unlearn. (It is amazing how many wrong notions we carry around). In fact, don't stop learning. Getting a job isn't important, if your inclination is pursue your studies and aim for something that is worthwhile (need not be monetary). 2. Change is the only constant. Yes. What you feel today about 40s, RonXRi94, may not be what things will be when you actually turn 40. 3. When you make a mistake admit it and apologize from the bottom of your heart. Get rid of all unpleasant memories, it will make one all the more cheerful. 4. This is from Mario Puzo - 'The world is what it is, and you are what you are'. 5. Last - Us humans have been so designed, that each one of us must undergo the experience of life and emerge a better person. I tell myself that my parents have struggled and made sacrifices, so that I can have a better life. I hope that I am able to do the same for my children. When I was 20 I never thought about it - when I was 40, I did. I have my principles and I stick to it - even in difficult circumstances. If my conscience doesn't permit, I don't compromise. That's what life has taught between 18 (when I started working) and now.... this may not be applicable to one and all, but I guess as an individual we must have something we believe in. I may not met everyone's expectations. I may not have made it big. I have (some) regrets. But, I certainly do have a circle of friends and relatives, without whom I wouldn't be what I am today - and that makes life more worthwhile. Only sadness I have is that I have not 'invested' more time in forming lasting friendship other than with a few people.... Quote:
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I have a maxim to tell my colleagues (subordinates) - the only reward for hard work is more work!!! Quote:
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As I grow older, I understand what 'Generation Gap' actually is, but looking back at my own behavior when I was 20 makes me go slow when I feel like sermonising! (Michael Jackson screaming 'Beat It' or Lipps Inc playing 'Funky Town' when I was studying for exams used to drive my parents crazy! So when my daughter loads some Cold Play or Justin Beiber, I try to listen / enjoy. Surprisingly, both of us like Beatles, Rolling Stone, U2 - funny, I never thought I will continue with the craze I had in my childhood in my 50s) Quote:
I lived in a Metro (Chennai); my job landed me in smaller towns (Pondicherry and Hubli) and later on in a small village (less than 10,000 people, somewhere near Nasik). I feel that that was the best part of my life (from 20 to 35) and definitely beats staying in a Metro. I could walk to my office within half-an-hour.... As regards the earlier part of the post, does worrying about it help in any way? What is to be, will be. Quote:
Like I said, I was working in Pondicherry, where a lot of foreigners visit the Aurobindo Ashram and Auroville. Some used to stay for considerable period of time, and I used to be dumb-struck when I learnt that some of them simply chuck their jobs / business and decide to take time out (sometimes extending to year or more) just to wander around the world.... guess, that should help us understand their perspective of life. Quote:
As to the second part, all I want to is 'Act in haste, repent in leisure'..... Sorry for the long post, but thought I could share my experience. | |||||||
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20th September 2016, 13:26 | #126 | |
Senior - BHPian Join Date: Sep 2014 Location: Chennai
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| Re: Life in your 40s Quote:
One thing you can definitely do is to set up a small private room that is yours and nobody else's - where you work, and keep the door shut for calls, meetings etc. How to cut down on those, decide which calls are essential to attend and which ones you can login and logout, or skip entirely, once in a while and pick up the minutes of the meeting later is something you have to figure out of course else in some organizations they take up 90% of your time. That and "minimize paperwork rather than real work" - find ways to automate whatever is manual in your existing tasks, develop efficient email handling methods etc. All the spare time you get from that can go to your family. And of course take frequent breaks say once an hour for five minutes and keep interacting with the family. You can get a ton of work done either early in the morning or very late at night, when everybody else is asleep and not around to bug you. Plus your colleagues from the states will be online and available for any discussion. That gives you much more family time than you anticipate, such as short breaks to pick up your kid from school etc. | |
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20th September 2016, 13:37 | #127 | |
BHPian Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: KA51/KL03
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| Re: Life in your 40s Quote:
Now, coming back to the problem. Even I have/had the same issue that I used to lose my cool with the elder one and then my wife stepped in. There are some things which I do
And for me, I'm a person who believe that there is no point in worrying about things which are not in your control. So, try out some of these | |
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21st September 2016, 10:53 | #128 |
Senior - BHPian | Re: Life in your 40s Life has taught me these keywords at various stages: Age: 20-30 – BUILD Build on everything you start with – education, job, career, skills, emotional maturity and earnings - relentlessly. This is the period 24 hours are not enough for a day. Whatever career path you have started, learn everything comes your way. Pick up skills and fine tune them. Friends, colleagues, relatives, peers, superiors – everybody will be willing to help during this phase. Use them the most. Changing companies, places, countries – must have only one purpose – career growth. Money will come along, but don’t base that as your primary criterion for changing jobs. Age: 30-40 – CONSOLIDATE Now you have accumulated skills and talents, experience and expertise during the past ten years and a track record that you can use in your resume. You have realized your true strengths and weaknesses. You can foresee your opportunities and threats. This is the time to SWOT yourself and consolidate your future career path. Again, be open to changing jobs if necessary to improve your career prospects. This is the period you will be moulded into a successful person on career and in society. At 40, you will be pretty much there where you dreamt to be or even much above. Age: 40-50 – EVALUATE Now that you are there, evaluate the path in front of you – career, family, ambitions, desires, goals – what you want more. This is a stage where you will be overwhelmed with commitments and burdens in all fronts and you might be thinking that you will have to work for another 50 years to fulfil all those. Time for taking a break and evaluate what you have and what you want. Decisions taken at this stage could go either way and many people have gone wrong way with over ambitious goals or gone into depression due to their own weaknesses. Evaluate and take a call. This will be your long term plan for rest of your life and will also heavily depend on your family’s goals and needs. All along, you have to find time for your passion, family, friends, Team-BHP and everything else other than career. There will be no specific period in your life when you can enjoy more or work more. It is all part and parcel of your everyday life. You get different cocktails at different stages and sometimes on the rocks. Live life the way it comes to you. |
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21st September 2016, 14:02 | #129 | |
Senior - BHPian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: LandOfNoWinters
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| Re: Life in your 40s Quote:
Things that you wanted in early life, you may not want any further. Priorities change. Decision making rests on different parameters compared to younger age. Times change, preferences may change. I asked the question because I saw a lot of post talking about doing things differently or viewing things differently compared with the younger age. | |
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21st September 2016, 15:28 | #130 | ||||
Senior - BHPian | Re: Life in your 40s Quote:
For me, it is like this - 1. No. I continue to do most of the things I want(ed) to do, even after marriage. Some times, my wife encourages me to pursue what I used to muse / think aloud. However, looking around, I have to agree with you as this appears to be the case with most of my friends. 2. Yes. But priorities are likely to change over time, not necessarily because one got married, as one grows older greater realisation (and responsibility) comes into play ..... 3. Yes. Same as above. Only, it is my wife who gets away what she want most of the time, as compared to me | ||||
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