[vivek_lm]

I've been through a similar experience back in my late teens. It wasn't easy for me to come out of it.

After the incident, I gave up driving for more than a year. Even after I resumed driving ever-so-hesitantly, I was a pale shadow of the newly minted teenage driver brimming with confidence that I used to be.

Consistent moral support helped me tide over this. However, the main problem for me was the constant nagging fear at the back of my mind that I would get into an accident any moment I'm on the road. This FEAR, I feel, is the biggest hurdle to getting back to normalcy, and it's one that could only be overcome by oneself. It may take varying amounts of time for different people, but with consistent support and encouragement, I believe one should be able to eventually tide through it.

In short, please keep on encouraging her to overcome her fear and expect her to take her own time in finally breaking the barrier.

[Fuldagap]

I broke my femur 10 years back crashing my 1985 Bullet. 8 months after the surgery i started driving car. 3 months after that i started riding my Bullet after getting it repaired properly.
5 months after that i completely abandoned riding 2 wheelers altogether. Even if i get extreme craving for riding a 2 wheeler i just dont touch them. It is a very conscious decision although i hate this decision. I drive the 4 wheeler whenever necessary even for the shortest distances and i feel like i am doing something right.
My suggestion would be unless one is completely sure of doing a thing again after an accident, one shouldn't do it. One can always use Olas and Ubers. Why push it if one is not passionate enough to pursue again or it is an utter need.

As they say, everyone falls, some get up, some can't, some don't!

If it were my decision to make I'd leave it on the individual to decide whether to drive again or not. Or as someone suggested above, seek professional counselling. It is the most logical thing to do.

[Salnv]

Originally Posted by docsr

So how can I help her regain her confidence?

Haven't you driven long trips after that with your daughter? I think, ideally she should have gained enough confidence by now since you mentioned that it was more than 6 months back. Anyway you can give her some more time, also understand what her real problem is instead of "assuming" what her real issue is. Without knowing the real issue, we can't find the solution and we will be beating around the bush. Don't get me wrong , if you take her to a good psychologist and give a good counseling, I am sure , she will start driving very soon. All the best and hope to see you and your daughter on the road with a very happy face , of course you being on passenger seat

[Small Bot]

I had a similar experience recently. I was involved in a car crash where the other party ended up with a head injury that resulted in a surgery to save her life. I realised that I was leery about driving my old i10 again, even though the accident was not my fault. Having to run to police stations and courts did not make it easier.
For a while, all I could think of was how I could have avoided that crash. It preyed on my mind for almost a week.
I remember talking about to my brother about it and how he explained his own experiences and basically coaxed me into taking baby steps after a month or so - like going short distances with the car like buying groceries and so on. Soon I regained confidence in my driving again and was able to drive for another 300-km trip later, albeit at much lower speeds than usual. I specifically remember that my parents were freaking out more than me and their awkward attempts to reassure me that accidents are normal did not really help at all, though I did recognise their good intentions.
If not for recovering through the regular chats with my brother, I would have sought a psychiatrist's help to overcome this, though I must say that even seeking therapy is still considered to be social taboo with several parts of India.
I would suggest giving your daughter space, most of all. Let her work through her emotions and feelings and then encourage her to sit in the car as a passenger for long rides. Do not force her to do anything, kids that age are astonishingly resilient and will bounce back soon.
Not sure if that helped, but good luck to you and your daughter.

[srivibhu]

I think you should let your daughter take her time to get back behind the wheel. And keep re assuring her that the accident was not her fault.
I had a quite serious accident when I was 18 and driving a Trax 8 seater when the vehicle flipped over after hitting a milestone and rolled around as I tried to avoid a drunk cyclist who just came perpendicular in front of the vehicle . It was quite traumatic and no fault of mine. Thankfully no one had any major injuries, I just blacked out for a bit.
My family reassured me again and again that it was not my fault and gave me the confidence to get behind the wheel again.
It took me a couple of months and I started with a different vehicle, but finally got over the accident after a few months. It was early learning that in our country we have a lot of idiots on the road and that experience has kept me a reasonably safe driver.

She will get over it, but do think of a way to get her back to the front seat, if not the driver's seat to get over the incident to start with. If music is something she enjoys play some tracks to keep her mind in a relaxed state. This works for me. Once she is comfortable its only a matter of time she starts driving again.

[docsr]

Dear Fellow T-bhpians,
I am truly touched by the number of replies, warmth and understanding that you all have demonstrated in your messages. Just another reiteration of what a wonderful forum this is.
I have taken all the various suggestions on board. I will slowly encourage her to take the wheel in controlled conditions initially, and then go from there.
I am confident now, that like most of you, she too will regain confidence and take to the wheel with ease.
Thanks again guys.

[wolfsnare24]

Hi all, I have a slightly different but very related topic and I thought this was the most relevant thread for it. Please move to a new thread if required.

In 2008, my father had a minor accident crashing into a lamppost while driving in the city alone. According to him, the post fell over the car and narrowly missed his head. This incident resulted in him selling off the car, and never having driven any sort of vehicle again for the past 13 years. He’d been diagnosed with high BP a couple years before that, so we did not push him on this either keeping his health and risk in mind.

Forward to today, I’ve now been driving for a while and like a true-blue enthusiast, suggested we go on a family road trip. I’m a safe and defensive driver especially with loved ones in the car, always plan to avoid driving on highways after sunset, and buffer one additional hour for each stretch so I never need to rush. The rest of my family have all taken a recent 800km+ round trip with me a few weeks ago, and have lots of confidence in my driving.

However, no matter the context, my father is holding his stance on not going on a road trip. No amount of convincing seems to sway his stance of “Roads are dangerous” and it’s causing a rift within the family. We’ve seen lots of destinations via flights over the past decade, from mountains to forests to beaches, but now all we want is to spend some quality time together just chatting and talking (not while waiting at an airport gate) and seeing a new place after lockdown, which is why we’re insisting on a road trip.

We also have old relatives that we would be leaving behind so going too far away even via flights is not our preference. Anywhere we’d go, it’s only within a radius of one day’s travel back home in case of emergency. He’s okay with me driving by myself and he’s okay with the rest of the family being driven as well, it’s just that he absolutely does not want to be in the car himself, especially on any highway.

Do any of you’ll have any experience with such a situation? Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks.

[Samarth 619]

I deal with 18 yr olds everyday, being a college professor. They are sensitive, and they're careless. They're hardly resistant to shocks of life and yet they're active and full of energy.
They're not adults in every sense but yet they are.

The best thing you can do is let it pass. Don't put any pressure on the young lady. Remember, don't repeat the topic in front of her. Treat it forgotten. Sometimes when the driving situation arises, just ask her if she wants to drive the car, "You wanna drive?". If she says no, assign someone else. That's it.

A lot of animals learn to be independent because their parents leave them to their own, when they see them growing up.
Same can't be said about humans though, given our economy and money situation:- The more we care for our kids, the more we make them mentally weaker. But hey, time will come, don't worry about it, one day you won't even need to ride pillion, you know.
Avoid overparenting at all costs, because our parents didn't teach us every lesson of life, some we learnt by ourselves, and they made us tough.

I was a person, with more of underparenting. Parents divorced, dad raised me tough.
I bounced back on bike after someone else's mistake caused me to crash and break my right arm bone. It was bent in "Z" shape, and the pain was let me say, near to unbearable..
Two months after my fracture operation, I was back on the bike, although visibly scared and careful... I was 22.
Since then, I got a Duke 390, did about a lakh or two kms more, had one more minor accident involving a dog which didn't survive. This time, more than physical, it was a moral trauma because I'm a dog lover..
It happens. We bounce back with time.

Let your daughter's bounce back to driving not be a grand family event, but a silent, self-chosen path. Let her choose. Let her identify her inner strength.
Till then, keep asking her as casually as you can, "Hey, someone must pick up my couzin from airport, you wanna drive?"... Casually.

[Samarth 619]

Originally Posted by wolfsnare24

Hi all, I have a slightly different but very related topic and I thought this was the most relevant thread for it. Please move to a new thread if required.
...
Do any of you’ll have any experience with such a situation? Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks.

A bit of a topic highjacking here, better open a new thread or report your post and ask moderators to move this to new thread, but anyhow, coming to your problem..

I also have the exact same situation at home.

You might not like my first advice but here it is:- Don't travel with your dad. Clearly, we're talking about a gentlemen who has a bit of an age and maturity. He knows youth can't be stopped, so he won't stop you, but can't go himself due to his experience.
Usually, more their age, the less they can be convinced or manipulated against their wish. So, give it up, and you'll all be happy.

My second advice (which has worked for me so far) would be, to increase distances slightly trip by trip. Go on a 10 kms commute first. Then, take a 30 kms trip to a twin city near your city. Try going with an objective that's not touring related so your dad agrees. Show him your best, most disclipled driving. Then maybe he'll agree on a bigger one day trip.
In my case, I've reached the 30 kms trip mark. Let's see..

[UD17]

It's good to know that your family is safe. It's quite commendable how your daughter handles the situation, it shows a great maturity. So here are what I can think of:

1. Her concern are genuine, it's how our memory works specially in case of bad experiences

2. Any forceful attempt to drive her will fail miserably. So avoid forcing here to drive.

3. Give her enough time to recoup with the memory.

4. Do not avoid the discussion on this incident if it comes anytime, more we avoid more longer it will be settled inside her.

5. Let her focus on her other endeavours and projects. Let her take the ola/uber drive. It's not at all necessary to drive the car for now.

She should herself take a call to drive again.

[sameer_vwagner]

Originally Posted by docsr

[i]The matter I want to bring up, is this:

1. Daughter was driving correctly and safely.
2. She had the reflexes and the presence of mind to stop the car in a straight line. She resisted the instinct to turn away to the right, which would have resulted in us running into the tall concrete road divider-with a greater chance of injury.
3. She was not at any fault. I cannot think of anything she could have done differently to avoid this collision.
4. However, she feels tremendously guilty for having “caused” the accident, and the resultant very expensive repairs (all of which was covered by insurance). More so, she was quite spooked by the way the police handled the driver of the mini-van. As children were also involved in the fracas, she was even more disturbed.
5. She refuses to drive any more, despite this entire episode being almost 6 months behind us.

So how can I help her regain her confidence?

Sir,

Let me begin by saying am relieved to see that you and your family are safe after the incident. Before i answer any questions, let me request you to ask your daughter to visit T-BHP website where she will find a lot of useful material.

1) Please take her for a drive on a road you know is good (preferably a highway with good surveillance. That should give her some confidence about her driving.

2) She might need more than a few weeks cause in her mind she has caused a major damage to the car, allow her a few days more.

3) On one of your next drives, you can ask her to take over the steering after driving a few kms yourself. Encourage her a bit, sometimes people need a pat on the shoulder more than once to get up and hit the ground running.

All the best!

[speed79]

I am in a similar situation. In mid-April last year, we had an accident when I slept and rear ended a truck within first 200 kms of our 5000 km trip. I had fractures in right hand and several non-life threatening injuries on face, forehead and right hand. Wife and kids were unhurt, but shaken by the impact. Our 32k run October 2015 Storme Vx 4x4 was scrapped, and I was driven around by a driver for first 3 months, and then I took over driving myself in August.

After the accident, my first trip with family was to drop them to Airport in September. Though I had no issues driving around in the city, I was so much scared while going to drop them to Airport in my non-ABS no-airbag Vista and drove very cautiously and carefully. I needed a safer smaller car, so bought a Punch AMT while family was away. I picked them from Airport in Punch, and felt quite safe driving back in Punch. Still I could not have confidence to take Punch on any highway trip, so kept on searching for a bigger car, which ended in buying a used 24k run December 2018 Hexa XTA in January this year. After getting Hexa, we tried to plan some highway trips, but my wife had cold feet while discussing the trips, and we cancelled couple of trips at last moments.

It has been almost a year and we have not been able to drive to any out of station destination, while we used to do 3-4 trips in a year earlier. I am planning for a trip to Yercaud next week. I have some apprehensions as I have not driven any Automatics on Ghat roads. I don't know how to get my highway driving confidence back to pre-accident levels. I have no issues in driving within the city. I hope our Yercaud trip will bring some of my confidence back.

[wheelspinner]

I'm very stressed when driving in narrow roads due to past bad experiences of autos leaving scratches, etc. I tend to get a bit aggressive. Shouting, and all.

This leaves my passengers, and family in a bit stressful spot. Even I find it a bit problematic, as multiple cars squeeze in tight spots.

How do you deal with less than 10 ft road with roadside vendors sitting at the edge of the road? I've good judgement of my tyres and all. But past experiences have stressed me, and I tend to get overwhelmed. Any advices there?

I can drive someone else's car. But when I drive my own, I've a constant fear of someone leaving scratches. This creates a panic situation in my mind.

[Mortis]

Originally Posted by wheelspinner

I'm very stressed when driving in narrow roads due to past bad experiences of autos leaving scratches, etc. I tend to get a bit aggressive. Shouting, and all.

This leaves my passengers, and family in a bit stressful spot. Even I find it a bit problematic, as multiple cars squeeze in tight spots.

How do you deal with less than 10 ft road with roadside vendors sitting at the edge of the road? I've good judgement of my tyres and all. But past experiences have stressed me, and I tend to get overwhelmed. Any advices there?

I can drive someone else's car. But when I drive my own, I've a constant fear of someone leaving scratches. This creates a panic situation in my mind.

It is indeed very stressful. I solved one aspect of my driving stress by getting an automatic car so that atleast the physical frustration of operating the clutch and gears is taken care off as well as the added mental stress of the aforementioned physical activity caused by other drivers doing the usual nonsense causing me to slow down or stop. Basically it takes some of the load off of being a cautious driver.

In your case however, I think the best solution is to buy a better car. Get the smallest, cheapest, mechanically sorted and comfortable automatic car you can afford and don't care about and just drive. Fit it with a dash cam of course to protect yourself. If the car gets minor damage, you don't feel as bad. If someone does something stupid, you have evidence

[wheelspinner]

Originally Posted by Mortis

It is indeed very stressful. I solved one aspect of my driving stress by getting an automatic car so that atleast the physical frustration of operating the clutch and gears is taken care off as well as the added mental stress of the aforementioned physical activity caused by other drivers doing the usual nonsense causing me to slow down or stop. Basically it takes some of the load off of being a cautious driver.

In your case however, I think the best solution is to buy a better car. Get the smallest, cheapest, mechanically sorted and comfortable automatic car you can afford and don't care about and just drive. Fit it with a dash cam of course to protect yourself. If the car gets minor damage, you don't feel as bad. If someone does something stupid, you have evidence

Using the smallest one in our garage, the Ignis or the uncle's K10. The problem is, even if I stop, more people try to attack us due to the jam like situation. I'm very good with manual controls. Things escalate very quickly.

Can't afford another. But yeah, the automatic would make things easier.