re: The Suzuki 155cc Intruder. EDIT: Launched at Rs. 98,340 Scene: Alleyway outside Suzuki HQ with plastic furniture, because Suzuki can't be bothered spending money on a conference room, because this is India and they think all we want is cheap stuff. Cast: The Suzuki India CEO / Boss, several designers, the head of design for Suzuki, an accountant, and a janitor emptying the day's garbage and piles of letters from Suzuki's many "suggestion boxes" installed all over their office. Suzuki Boss: Okay, guys, the Indian market is expanding, the middle class has more disposable income than ever before, and people want to travel and ride bikes for pleasure. So... how do we get Suzuki in on this? Suzuki Head of Design: Based on the Harley Street, there's clearly an underserved market for a bike that is big enough to give you some fun, but not so big and huge that it's impractical for daily use. I mean, there's a great untapped market here. Even Bajaj is putting out bigger bikes, KTM is wiping the floor with everyone else. There's even a brand-new company that only makes mid-size cruisers, those UM weirdos who keep reminding everyone they're more American than pick-up trucks and obesity. So, the solution is obvious. Let's just put out a sensible, middle-of-the-road cruiser, say 500 to 750cc. It's not even that difficult, Suzuki has all sorts of mid-range bikes and cruisers that we sell internationally, like the 800cc Suzuki Boulevard, the 500cc-- While the Head of Design is still speaking, the Boss pulls out a gun and shoots the head of design multiple times, who is blown off his plastic chair. He then walks over to the designer's twitching body and shoots it a few more times. Janitor (while mopping the floor around the designer's body): Why not just take a pathetic, tiny engine from a moped or a lawn mower, and bolt it onto the frame of a cruiser? Cheapest and best. It will give good average also. Suzuki Boss (dumbstruck, wide-eyed in shock, in tears, barely able to speak between great sobs): Oh my god, you are a genius. I'm hereby promoting you to head of design with immediate effect. Janitor: But saarji, I haven't finished dumping the garbage. Suzuki Boss (while trying to shoot himself, only to find he's out of bullets): I don't care. Janitor: Also, what if we make the bike look as butt-ugly as possible? Lots of plastic fairing and body panels that will make it look like, I don't know, maybe like it's dying of cancer and is swollen up with numerous giant tumors. And we'll also give it less power than the Avenger, which is already much smaller and lighter. This way it will be so slow, it won't get anyone in trouble, there will never be an accident because it won't be able to overtake any scooter, auto, or a dog with a broken leg, etc. Suzuki Boss (while climbing into the nearest garbage dumpster, sobbing with joy): You are a genius. I hereby resign, effective immediately. Suzuki Boss' personal secretary (from an open office window above them): Sorry to interrupt, sir, but your wife is on line 2, asking when you will be home. Suzuki Boss (Now speaking from deep inside the now-closed garbage dumpster): Tell her I'm already home. This is where I live now. Also, as soon as she sees the 150cc Intruder on the streets and realize the great sin I have committed against the motorcycle industry and the great dishonor I have brought upon both our families, she will wish to commence divorce proceedings immediately. Clearly, I am a genius. But not as big a genius as our new head of design. Janitor (picking his nose, bored): Does this mean I get a raise? Suzuki junior designer (looking around the table at others): Should... should we call the police? Suzuki marketing head (furiously typing on his Blackberry): No, Naukri dot com. Hopefully Honda needs more key decision-making people with absolutely terrible ideas because they have even fewer ideas than we do. Suzuki accountant (Shouting into the garbage dumpster): Sir? Sir? Is there any room in the dumpster for me, sir? Suzuki Boss: (Laughing deliriously at himself): Ha ha, I'm a genius. I genius I tell you. (Incoherent babbling)
/end scene
Last edited by marcussantiago : 7th November 2017 at 16:00.
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