[Sedate]

Sorry for the ultra long post!

Sedate was driving a 45bhp MPFI Maruti 800 EX. The car was fly weight for the heavy weight driver! As days passed by summer was getting hotter and hotter in Kerala.(yeah – 38C is too hot here) . The lack of an air conditioner and the age of the vehicle were giving thoughts for Sedate to upgrade to a new “drive”.

The year was 2009 when Sedate had a fund of 8 lakhs with him. He went to Maruti showroom in his dullest shirt and loosest cotton pant. He wanted an SX4 so that he can get in and out – before and after driving! He tried out Fiat Linea and he was stuck inside after a small test drive. It took some time and some helping hands to get Sedate out of the vehicle! Fiesta was ok for Sedate. But he was too big and he felt it as a small car. It was too common in his social circle.

It was at this time the SR called Sedate to inform him that Maruti has stopped the production of SX4 and is re-launching it with new motor. SR told Sedate to wait for some time and he did wait. Phew! Here comes the VVT and the price hike. Sedate went to his ATM and took a balance statement. 60 chicken biriyanis, 90+ meals and equivalent number of fish fries had made the account lighter! Sedate was not having “innough” money to buy an SX4 at the price Maruti was offering it for.

It was summer again and Sedate was sweating. Some sweats turned into hard cash and other was perspired by blower fan of his M800. It was at this time Sedate saw the Nano. Wow! He can get in and out without any problem! Why can’t the next car be a small car? But the financer voted against the Nano. They wanted Sedate to have a car and not a Vikram/Bajaj Diesel Auto!

Sedate was again in market. It was raining hatches in Summer! Sedate was still sweating! This time Sedate asked the financer for funds again! Financer straightly declined stating that he is going to buy an Honda City for Sedate to drive. A Honda City! Sedate will surely floor it! Errr… Sedate will surely make the floor scrap. That day(night) Sedate dreamed of the Flintstone Car. The car without underbody in which he will put legs down and run! Sedate woke up! The dream made him sweat and shiver!

But the financer group was adamant. Sedate took the director board to Peninsular Honda! They just got into the car and the sales man really didn’t impress! Sedate had a smirk on his face! The return journey was through NH47 which had VW showroom. The showroom had a red car! And the financer asked sedate to slow down! Financer called the showroom guy to ask about the red car displayed! Financer thought it was a SEDAN! The financer has good ties with people in his social network. The sales manager came out and welcomed the party. Elighted? Yeah! But partly.

It was a POLO. Sedate exclaimed. The mint with a hole! The highline model was not available for TD. A TD was arranged on a low end version! Sedate took it to NH47. He took it sedately till Kundanoor Signal. Took the U turn at signal and voila! He had 2.5 km straight stretch of flat road and nobody on RVM! Sedate was mad! The vehicle was doing 120+. Sedate tested the brake and screeeetch!!! Sedate lost control for a moment and vehicle was skidding! Apollo Acelere!( Ipoolum Acelere!) Sedate regained control with a reverse steer! He was impressed! He turned the steering left, right and also up and down! Steering is good. But Sedate was having an orgasm sitting inside! The engine had some good vibration! VW have packaged a dildo instead of a nice stud! Sedate didn’t complain! (Yeah…Cargasm and Orgasm! Perfect match)

Sedate parked the car in underground parking lot! Got out fairly easy. He was about to call his cousin to ask to bring the cheque book. The phone had just slipped to the back seat! Sedate was now trying to get into the back seat of his wannabe drive. Eh! Eh! Sedates foot was touching the pillar! Sedate tried again, but in vain. Sedate folded his leg with his hand and finally got in. A sigh of relief after a gig of nice drive!

The rear seat was OK! But what about folding the leg each time with your hand to get in and out? Sedate was thinking! Sedate is sure that he will never be a back seat driver! He takes out his cell phone and rushes to the showroom. The financers where busy checking out Passat! High rollers! Eh! Sedate told them this car is ok!

Finally and thankfully the policeman at Vytilla Jn made sedate to drive straight through NH47. It was heavy block at junction and Sedate was unable to turn right! All right, Sedate thought of taking the financer gang to some place to quench thirst and to have a munch.

They all entered Malaya Restaurant opposite EMC, Palarivattom. The GM Beat was there in parking lot and it was flatly rejected by everyone! The discussions started and views, news, issues and rumors poured in!
Sedate took the gang to Maruti! Yeah! Indus was it! Juice was served. Sedate made his mind clear. He just wanted a car. He asked the sales person to start from the lowest variant of lowest priced car. As usual, the SR asked for a price range. Sedate opened his two arm, and asked the sales person to look at him and find a car that fits him. The sales man could have been having the first client like that! Person going to a textile shop to buy a readymade shirt that fits him! A car to fit in a man!

The salesman took Sedate to yard with hell-lot of keys! That reminded sedate of the Ekta Kapoor soaps where the mistress of house had all the keys tied in her palloo or tucked in tummy fat!

He opened an Alto to check size! The Alto failed. Then he opened a Ritz! It was successful! Eureka! It could be a K-Series! Or could it be the National Engine! Sedate liked the car. But no ***! It is as if the car had it *** done up by the front of a lorry(HCV)! But this is nice! Sedate was ok with it!
Sedate rushed to showroom! Before he could speak a word, the financer told him that if it is a swift, then you don’t need to tell us! Sedate was astonished! Financer approved a Swift! Sedate asked whether it should be a petrol or diesel! “Who told you we are going to buy that for you? That looks like the same bug that pierces and leaches juice out of our coconut tree!”- pointing to a black swift came the comment!
So what about Ritz? “Do you want the car with a dented back?” Err!

Thankfully the Chotti-Chotti Sapne Ad was on TV at that time! Sedate looked at the ad while SR was trying to convince the financer gang!
That girl looked good! Yeah! Looks dumbo! But good! – Sedate exclaimed! Seeing Sedate ogling at the girl (err…car), the financer gang asked him whether he wanted to check that out!

It was that ad kicked Sedate! Being majored in marketing it made him clear what market segment the ad was targeting! Ooh man…Its car for married men! Will be boring!

But Sedate decided to check it out! There goes the M800 to the Exclusive Ford Show-broom of Kochi.

Figo is there. The back looks odd for Sedate. Sedate saw a smile on face of the elderly financer. Yeah! Looks like he is convinced!

Entering the showroom, the financer gang rushed to Fiesta. Sedate was drooling the girl in ad on TV! A sales guy knocked Sedate and asked him “Do you want a test drive?”.“Yes definitely! Where is she?” – The reply was instantaneous! Dirty minds!!!

The sales man hurried to a table where a lady was seated. It was at this point Sedate regained his consciousness and remembered that he was in a car showroom! Damn, ads could be really seductive!

Sedate thanked all the persons who christened the cars as a “she-male”. Sedate was not even able to think about the humiliation that could have caused otherwise! The keys of a Green Figo with titanium pack on a TDCi heart was given to Sedate. Hopped in! Yeah! The steering was blocking his way! Err…

"Sir, just lower the seat height." Sedate got out and showed hands instructing the SR to come and reduce the height! With reduced seat height Sedate managed to get in! Started the engine! Damn! Desperate chicks will love it! What a good vibration! Over powered vibrator! Smirk on face again! But the engine started and Sedate was like “Who turned off that vibration?”. Hmm…looks good.

Sedate released the clutch and put the brick on pedal! The car moved as if it was going to buy Kayam-choorn after having a stomach ache/gas trouble. Man…Sedate is now pressed and pasted to the seat. Sedate thought he is going to take off in a jet plane. RPM meter was having very high digits! Sedate asked the SR- “Is this a petrol?”

Came back after a short TD and tested the ABS on the gravel+soil in front of showroom! It works!

Getting out of the car was breeze for Sedate! Sedate went back to the rear to look for some stickers. Yes! It is written TDCI. Sedate went to the other side. It is written diesel over the fuel filler cap. Sedate is a doubting Thomas. He opened the door and popped the hood! Sure! This is a good engine and it’s a diesel engine!

Sedate immediately asked for a “test drive” in Petrol! Sedate took is sedately! Now the man had his Kayam-choorn and is farting. Yeah very nice farting note when the throttle is opened(Does this car have a throttle valve?)

Sedate loved it! Not a macho man with too much power, less orgasmic vibrations, big holes everywhere, over all big size inside and outside. This is one thick big thing! But seems like government regulations had “CUT” the length!

Sedate asked the sales person –“This seems to have less length?”
He took out all crap and finally he talked sense” Sir, with this reduced length you can put it any where?”

“Can I put it in my pocket?”-Sedate is known for his sarcasm
“Definitely sir- even if you don’t have a deep pocket! It just costs 5 lakhs on road”

Thick, big, can put it anywhere, cheap and almost accommodative! Man this is something!!! The SR is talking sense.

The raiding party was finished with Fiesta and the lady in red dress was still squirting mehendi all over the dash and airbag shroud! Indias colour! Bwaaa… But that dummbo girl…Yeah!

Days passed without a decision! Sedate proclaimed he wanted a small car and he convinced the financers that a small car is ease on budget and on running costs. To add on he told that the hatches are “premium” while the sedans are just entry level.

The one question “Do you want the best among the hatches or the worst among the sedans?”. It turned the scene to Sedates favor. Man! It all marketing! No one wants to hear the word worst-entry level etc when they want to buy anything (provided they are not in tight budget)

Sedate made the call. It is either a Polo or a Figo! Polo for its easy service and delivery being in sync with the dealer. Polo was decided and proclaimed loudly as Sedate's next car!

It was at this time Sedates little cousin paid him a visit in celebration of his summer vacations. The little cousin heard that his achachan is going to buy a red car named Polo. He educated Sedate that Polo is what he takes after eating fish to conceal the smell as the smell is irritating to his girl friend who is a veggie! Girlfriend at this age! Uh! Lucky guy!

Next day morning, Sedate woke up hearing bang on his door! The little cousin was jumping up “Our car on paper…Our car on paper!”
It was an ad of Diesel Polo! I was made to explain him what the ad is all about. Fill diesel in 1 liter bottle! Here comes the question- “Bisleri or Aquafina?” Sedate told him- “You decide based on availability”.
Transfer it to dry diesel tank of Polo and drive into jungle for 22kms.
There comes the naïve question- “But how will we return after driving to jungle for 22 kms?”

That made Sedate think about the ad. A premium car advertised for its fuel efficiency! Huh! Mixed with this and the inability to get into back seat made Sedate choose his car! Back to back TD`s, help from fellow members and reviews and sedate finalised the car

And it is a Ford Figo 1.2L Titanium! No, the ad and the girl were just seductions and Figo seems to be a good drive. And seriously I dont want my fiancee to be a dumbo like the girl on ad who will spoil my car with mehendi.(Don't mind if she is beautiful as the ad model)

Its "An Tarbh". Yes, "the white bull" that Sedate is going to drive from now on!
Tomorrow sedate is going in for a complete PDI and installation of Fogs and Horns to his bull.

Yes – An Tarbh is coming on road with temporary registration on June 3rd!

Suggestion required on :-
Best tire to increase ground clearance without much compromise on ride. Will a 195/65 R14 cause any problem? R 14 alloys are already ordered and will be with tyre dealer! So can’t go in for R15.
Is 195/65 R14 available on Yokohama or Apollo Acelere or Michelin XM1+?

[Indizen010]

Congratulations on your new car.

[karmania]

Nice writing style. Thoroughly enjoyed reading through it. Looks like you really enjoyed searching for your "future companion". Hope to see a good initial ownership review of your Tarbh.

[ScorpMan]

Hey Sedate. First of all congratulations in advance for your WHITE BULL. Really Really Enjoyed reading your post. Simply amazing writing style. Do keep us updated.

[Anand123]

Ohh man, watta story it is! Congrats on Figo. Waiting to read your ownership experience.

[musicmanaman]

A different writing style for sure, but good, waiting for the initial ownership reports with photos now, espeacially of Sedate.

[gemithomas]

Great Writing. I think its the first time i'm reading such a long post at a stretch.

[extreme_torque]

Nice narration. Congrats on the buy!

[sumathindra]

nicely penned. Welcome to the figo club mate...

[Gilead]

I just read this incredible post in one shot and I feel a bit weird and dizzy! Is it just me? Congrats Sedate.

[sanjayc]

Finally, seems like the search for next "Dada Kondke" ends here;-}

That made Sedate think about the ad. A premium car advertised for its fuel efficiency! Huh! Mixed with this and the inability to get into back seat made Sedate choose his car!

LOL;-}

Congrats! For finding some utility value in the extraaaaa space Figo offers, rather than having thoughts of commiting suicide!!

PS: For the uninitiated, Dada Kondke - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[Schoudhury]

Great stuff man .
Congrats on your FIGO.
I just hope this writing style doesn't get the Mod's into action :-)
Cheers

[abhipuru16]

Wow! That was worth a read. So fresh!
And congrats for your new car. Post the pics asap.

[CheNad]

A brilliant post. Very humorous way of telling about a serious decision. Enjoyed reading it. I literally laughed my guts out at couple of places. Congrats on your new car.

[wonderwheels]

Excellent writeup nothing sedate about it! Congratulations on your new buy, I have also booked a 1.2 Zxi and awaiting delivery. Please post pics and your post-delivery experiences in your patented style ! Cheers and happy motoring !!