Ahoy! woman aboard!! I discovered wheels rather ungracefully and in an unladylike fashion, sometime around 10, when I sneaked a ride on my brothers' bicycle. I fell on my face and scraped the skin off my elbows. Not to mention earning the annoyance and the angry moo-terings of the buffalo I 'ran' into.....my sneakapades continued and resulted in the bicycle being rendered, ummm, almost unrecognizable and unmentionable. My tenacious D note however, continued to play, if offkey, and every attempt to master the art of wheeling around resulted in a rather very predictable outcome....disaster. My mother held her head in her hands and lamented the tragedy of having a daughter who would rather ride a bike and climb trees than play with dolls. Well, I did play with dolls though....but let me not digress.
I persevered against all odds and stubbornly hung on to the thought that one day I will drive yet.....a car...something on wheels....powered.....if boys can do it, why cant I...and so on and so forth. My brothers made no bones to tell me what they thought of females driving per se and me, in particular. They laughed,sniggered, snapped, yelled, screamed, whacked me on the side of the head but the pneumatic pressure inside my brain didnt waver and the sundry nuts and bolts didnt fall out....I wasn't going to cow down and be afraid. Well, the fact was, I realised later, others were more terrified when I got on the road and behind a wheel. My dad had the greatest patience with me especially when I looked straight ahead and 'aimed' the jeep straight at the road but it decided to go left....or right....depending on its mood and proportional to the number of people on that side of the road. In time, he fell from his pedestal too and gave up on me. I didnt.
Then I got married and my now ex-husband reluctantly agreed to my demands to 'try' out the new 800. You would think it would be a cakewalk driving an 800 on an empty airstrip. Think again and unlearn. For some reason, the 800 wouldnt stay in a straight line and hurtled down the strip at alarming speeds....all on its own. Well, with a little help from my right foot maybe. I didnt realise it until I had to do something, anything, to save us from ramming into the perimeter wall of the airstrip. Before I knew it, my right foot came off the accelerator and slammed on the pedal next to it. The one they call the brake pedal. The car screeched to a halt just before the tarmac ended and the grass began and I had an epiphany. The car was not in control. I was. I had suddenly discovered the driving force behind the car. From that day onwards, the car went where I wanted it to, when I wanted it to without much resistance.
Thus empowered by that act of stopping a thing 20 times my weight with one foot, I began the journey, destination unknown, of engaging and changing gears , over-heating engines, trips to the garage alone, traffic challans, road rage, dents and bends, changing flat tyres and dhaba food. I also learnt to swear like a rapper. I didnt understand the workings of an internal combustion engine. I still don't. Now you stop sniggering and go wipe that engine oil smut off your nose. Your mommy's going to crank your carburettor and stall your engine for good, mind you. Much better.
So where was I? Yes, I peered and blinked and tried hard to figure out things under the bonnet but my bee just didnt buzz. I got it in grabs and snatches....piston, engine block, brake pads, A-Pillar, C-pillar ( why did they skip the B?) and all the terms and jargon that people spout from their exhausts. Ooops, I mean their mouths, without misfiring or missing a gear. And I drove around in several cities, including sadda Dilli and did cross country north to south and back and forth. I managed to drive a luna, a kinetic honda, a rickshaw, a huge tipper truck on a test track, a power tiller ( those things are scary,man) an old fiat, a zen, palio.....
And then life took some unexpected twists and turns, far from the idyllic sunset-lit smooth highways you are thinking of. Through all that rough ride, I drove myself and my car without an oil change or filter check. I just kept driving, changing gears as required, hoping the fuel holds and the tyres run on....Then I saw another car pull up alongside. Our souls met across the dust of the drive and before I could change from 1st gear to 2nd, we had come out of the rough and onto the smooth highway with Atif Aslam singing " Yeh Doorie" on the stereo and us holding hands across the front seats.....He made me a collection of 12 seasons of Top Gear, each cover personally designed and bar coded with my name! My internal combustion engine misfired happily. We drove off into the sunset with the 'Just Married' placard on our car in January this year.
He is my best friend, my lover, my confidant, my travel companion and an avid motorhead too. Not a day would go by when we don't drool and grunt orgasmically over some beauty on wheels and he doesn't send me some link from Team BHP. He is the reason I am here.
I like WRC. He likes F1 and GP races. I'm a Ferrari Fan whereas he's a Lambo lover. We both love travelling, photography, food exploration, music, driving trips and walking off the beaten path.
So if this posting of mine and the next 25 make it through the moderator's eye as being suitable enough,you will see me here from time to time, posting questions and comments which might make you snigger and guffaw perhaps at times. Please, juvenile delinquents don't impress me much and chauvinism backfires and sets my nitro goin.... I am in this forum because I feel there is a value proposition for me in the collective wisdom and experience of all motorheads here. Having said that, I am not here to get under the bonnet and spot-weld to amuse anyone. I am here because I love cars. There is something about them that is fascinating and irresistible. Simple enough, aight? And while I'm at it, it wont hurt to learn some too. Maybe I will someday be able to figure why they have an A-pillar and a C-pillar but not a B-pillar. Until then, hey guys, I'm in on this ride too!!!! |