[manjunathkl]

Imagine all these manufacturers are actually individual persons and they went to a pub to celebrate new year 2020 on Dec 31st. After getting fully drunk they got very candid with each other:

Renault: (to Nissan) Dude eat your slice of Pizza before Maruti takes it.

Nissan: I'm busy fighting my dealers, let me ask Datsun to Go and grab it.

Hyundai: I've grown well this year, new launches my product line is the most exciting. It was quite electric this year.

Kia: (cough, cough) Then why is you market share still lingering around 15%?

Hyundai: Dude, I set the stage for you.

Kia: Sorry papa.

Maruti: (to Toyota) Dude lets sell 2000s tech in 2020s super cheap manufacturing and Indian junta won't even realize. Remember how I sell, start stop system as microHYBRID?

Toyota: I'm one of the largest everywhere, but in India I'm an underdog. Can you give me some cars which I can stamp my logo and sell?

Maruti: Sure dude, after all we are Japanese. But off topic, I'm surprised how Nissan is still here at the party?

Toyota: Stop laughing, look at GM disguised as MG is having a great time. Dude if he takes my Innova cake, I'll be totally lost.

Maruti: No worries brother, I will give you my Ertiga, you can rebadge it. What are friends for? Dude, I need your BS6 Diesels.

Honda: Guys, not fair, I'm Japanese too. Like you guys even I hate electric. What do you guys think?

Maruti: I think the same Brio... sorry Bro. OK. Seriously, let all other guys set up the infra in the next 10 years, then we will bombard them with feather-lite cars.

Honda: What about safety guys?

Maruti: Dead guys can't complain. Can they?

Toyota: That's nasty, I don't believe in this concept.

Maruti: What options do you have? What happened to your Yaris, what happened to Nissan's Kicks?

Tata: Hi guys, speaking of safety... Wait, why am I talking about safety to you guys? Silly me. Enjoy the party.

Mahindra: Guys, I had a great year, launched many segment firsts - my XUV300 is a rear wheel drive monocoque. My Marrazo is a front wheel drive ladder on frame. Things are looking cool. I proposed to Ford and got accepted. Looking very upbeat guys.

Maruti: Lolz, all that is OK, but kitna deti hai?

Ford: (to Mahindra) Well, thanks for saving me from embarrassment.

Nissan: How can I exit this party?

Renault: Stop being a despo.

Nissan: It is easy for you to just dust it off. You have the duster.

Renault: You had the Terrano, you blew it up, why are you upset now?

Nissan: I'm about to be Kick-ed. How do you feel about that?

Renault: I'm already Captur-ed. How do you feel about that?

Nissan: We need to figure something out dude, this market is a complete blinder for us and MS is chewing us without even opening the wrapper.

Hyundai: Guys, if you don't like this party, I have a different "Venue".

Fiat: Guys, calm down. I just stopped selling cars altogether, I'm living of engine sales - still I'm not fretting. What you guys complaining about?

Jeep: Well, thanks for off loading your responsibilities on me.

Tata: Why are Kia and MG so silent?

Mahindra: They are busy selling Seltos and Hector to millennials.

Tata: After paying ship loads of money to buy JLR and you buying SsangYong, we are left to pick up the pieces in our own home ground dude. What a brutal market?

Mahindra: Ford will help me, I'm counting on them.

Tata: I thought you were helping Ford. Right?

VW: Guys, I'm a rank holder in engineering, I'm the best in business here.

Skoda: Your too old and drunk, let me take you home today.

VW: Hey, I'm not that bad.

Skoda: You wore the same suit to all the last 5 new year parties.

VW: May be, but my suits are time-less.

Skoda: Just let me handle it from here. OK?

VW: Where are our other German brothers, Merc, BMW, Audi etc.?

Skoda: You know they are out of our league, they party at Greece and Venice.

Mitsubishi: Hi guys, sorry I'm late. I had to park my huge Pajero outside.

Toyota: Was there no wallet parking?

Mitsubishi: No dude they are not parking BS4 cars at all.

Toyota: What are you going to do after April?

Mitsubishi: I'll come in metro.

Maruti: Guys, thanks for coming, this decade's party is on me. Enjoy.

Originally Posted by srini1785

I don't know about Genius moments but the biggest Goof up moment is this :

I think it was done on purpose to create a buzz. In marketing, any publicity is good publicity.

[docprashant]

Alto-gether a Captiva-ting read!! Pretty creative man..kudos!!

As per the Corolla-ry of the argument presented, the wish for 2020 is that we get cars in India which are truly Dzire-able and have a certain Aura. ;-)

[padmrajravi]

Originally Posted by manjunathkl

Mahindra: Guys, I had a great year, launched many segment firsts - my XUV300 is a rear wheel drive monocoque. My Marrazo is a front wheel drive ladder on frame. Things are looking cool. I proposed to Ford and got accepted. Looking very upbeat guys.

Sorry for going off-topic. But is this factual? Is India spec XUV300 a rear-wheel-drive vehicle? I thought it was a front-wheel-drive monocoque like all other compact SUVs. Anyway, I get the gist of what you were trying to say. Mahindra is the one with all the quirky experiments.

[manjunathkl]

Originally Posted by padmrajravi

... Is India spec XUV300 a rear-wheel-drive vehicle? I thought it was a front-wheel-drive monocoque like all other compact SUVs...

Sorry for my oversight, looks like there were plans of introducing rear-wheel drive at launch (IIRC), but now it is dropped. Not able to dig the source of my info. I stand corrected.

Originally Posted by padmrajravi

Anyway, I get the gist of what you were trying to say. Mahindra is the one with all the quirky experiments.

Yes, Both Mahindra and Tata are pushing the boundaries both in terms and design and capabilities. It is pity that highly capable Alturas and Hexa are doing double digit sales. Harrier, agree it didn't come with some segment must haves. Still the sales numbers are really low.

[dragracer567]

Nice thread! Here’s one if the Indian automotive scene was a high school -

Hyundai: I used to be the most popular girl amongst the cool millennials but now my twin sis Kia is stealing my thunder SMH!

Kia: Maybe if your new models don’t look like they are having a mid-life crisis, you’d have stayed the home-coming queen!

Maruti: Jeez gals! Lemme tell you a lil secret, people don’t want features or cool designs! All they want are overpriced tin cans with the my logo on it!

Kia: And that’s why I’m selling more Seltos than your Ignis while costing twice as much! Look all the fancy stuff I bought with all that money *shows blingy expensive stuff*

Tata and Mahindra enters ........

Both: Damn, we are sick of you foreigners being more popular than us on our home turf! We are gonna bring cars that people want - cool cars with cool designs that are safe with lots of features!

Rest: How are the Harrier and the Marazzo doing again?

*Everybody laughs*

VW and Skoda: Y’all wait till we blow you guys away with our German tech, 2021 will be our year! Apna time aayega!

Ford: I’m telling you guys, Maruti is right, people don’t care about safety, features or even value for money! Else our Figo would be selling like hot cakes! Mahindra, wanna date?

Mahindra: Errr ........ sure, just help me with EVs and stuff! Okay?

Nissan: How come my French cousin is more successful than me? *doesn’t innovate*, *doesn’t care about customer requirements*, *gives zero effort for the Indian market* I just don’t get it!

Renault: Jeez stop cribbing about that! Our man Carlos fled with all our money!

MG: *in a chinese accent* Hey guys, do I sound British enough? *winks*

Rest: Yea sure, *winks back*

Luxury marques: Hey ya’ll, heard you guys are having a little slowdown! Obviously, since the rich are getting richer, hasn’t really affected us!

Indian government (the school principal): Not if I have a say on that, here’s more CBU and CKD taxes!

GM: See? That’s why I left this high school long back!

[yesyeswe]

"Dead guys can't complain. Can they?" this should be tag line of maruti

[GTB]

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[Shreyans_Jain]

Good up moments of the decade.

These are quite a few

1. GM going full out Chinese
Karl Slym’s departure marked the beginning of the end for GM in India. From the FAST and desirable Cruze, the funky Beat and the utilitarian and reliable Tavera, GM decided launch copy-paste Chinese budget cars in India. Cheap + Chinese = dead on arrival. The Sail, UVA and that abomination Enjoy pushed the brand to the point of no return.

2. VW and it’s lineup
When the decade began, VW’s line up was the Polo, Vento, Jetta and Passat. All top notch cars and about par with what they sold globally. 10 years later, VW is still selling the same old Polo and Vento, while the premium sedans are long gone. This absolute lethargy and lack of commitment to the Indian market and a general impression of unreliablity meant the brand was reduced to an also ran that was limited to only diehard VW enthusiasts.

3. Audi’s hara kiri
Back in the heady days of 2010-13, Audi was the definition of cool. The brand literally started the LED DRL craze in India. We had the desirable yet accessible A4, the premium A6 and topped off the that hunk called Q7. V6 diesels, Quattro, TFSI petrols and even the big fat V8 diesel, Audi was making all the right noises. The next generation of their products however were LAME. The desirability was gone and the all looked oh so same. Gone were the big engines, gone was quattro, all power trains were majorly downsized while the asking prices kept going up. The fraud by their Delhi dealer made it so much worse. Biggest boo boo: their show stopper Q7 went from being big and brawny and oh so sexy to looking like a glorified estate. Pretty much summed up everything.

4. Toyota’s treatment of the Etios and Liva
Toyota worked real hard to develop the Etios and Liva. These were the rare India specific products that were fundamentally sound, solid and sturdy, supremely reliable with capable petrol and diesel engine and most importantly, they were safe. They started off really well too and soon became a hit with cabbies as well as private buyers. This was despite the staid styling and the horrible interior. Toyota however stubbornly refused to update these products beyond minor lip service. In the time when Maruti gave us 3 generations of the Swift, Toyota soldered on with the same Etios and Liva with only minor cosmetic updates here and there. Obviously, the car died a slow and painful death. Had they been proactive, they could have spawned an entire lineup of products based on this capable yet economical platform in the 7-12L rupee range and change the face of the Indian car scene. This car had the potential.

5. Honda going cheap.
At the beginning of the decade, you had your Mercs and BMWs. And a step below, you had Honda. Latest designs, bonkers VTEC engines, premium quality and top notch reliability, this is what the big H signified. You wanted to buy Hondas. They commanded premium prices and never had any discounts. Then, someone decided Honda should be like Maruti. They came up with the Brio platform. This cut price cheapened out underpinning was everything Honda wasn’t. They started with the 5L Brio and pushed the limits of both brand and buyer sensibilities with the 14L BRV. Their cars tanked one after the other, quality levels were anyway nosediving and reputation was taking a beating. Premium products like CRV, Civic and Accord went extinct. Still, Honda soldered on. They had their talisman, the City. This car personified everything Honda. Then, the 4th gen City happened. City bit the Brio quality bug and quality tanked. However the reputation was such that people queued to buy without taking test drives, yours truly included. While the frugal new diesel helped, it was only a matter of time that the reputation for quality as well as the charisma of brand City were lost. These cars were no more Hondas, they were just glorified Marutis costing 25% more. Bad decision after bad decision: removing magic seats from Jazz, not giving the 1.5 iVTEC on Jazz and WRV, no automatic on WRV, not mating the diesel and the CVT with your other cars, they made sure their products had no definite USPs. Honda today seems well and truly lost having lost its legion of fans and its formidable reputation.

6. Nissan and everything it did
Where do I begin? If there ever is a case study on how not to run a car company, it is Nissan. They started off on the wrong foot when they outsourced their entire sales and service network. Still, cars like Micra and Sunny initially did well, purely on merit. Instead of updating and building on them, they decided to stop updates and refreshes and kept on increasing prices. The strategy to sell rebadged Renaults at an extra price was always bound to fail. No new relevant product launched for years in a super competitive market meant people stopped paying attention. They never bothered to bring their international portfolio to India. Satisfaction levels plummeted, both for customers as well as dealers. They stubbornly continued to play the ‘premium’ game with their obviously outdated and utilitarian products. Then there was the entire Captur fiasco. They tried to distract and go cheap with Datsun, that was another harebrained idea. They wanted to turn over a new left with the capable and decently priced Kicks but at this point, nobody cares. With BS6 spelling the end of the road for the K9K diesel engine, Nissan India seems well and truly on it’s death bead.

[BZ25]

I really like this idea of putting the car Companies in real life situations, like in a high school. My take is based on all major(and erstwhile) companies as mercenaries, in a bar:

GM: (Drunk and exhausted, says to patron sitting next to him, i.e Hyundai) Man, I brought two big brands: Opel and Chevrolet, still I am forced to leave India. Why?

Hyundai: All I know is you lost the battle man. You fought hard, but your soldiers (dealers) were somewhat incompetent and too less in numbers, and what were you thinking bringing those cheap Chinese weapons (cars)? I was shocked that you went from selling the epic looking Beat to the sleepy looking Sail. I sold ugly cars( original Santro), finally by 2008 I got my act together and started selling great cars (i10, i20 etc.), the only thing is that they're like boats.

GM: ( Almost in tears) Anyway, I'm leaving India tomorrow. I can't do this anymore, I'm too weak now. Thanks to the Wall Street crisis, I got hit with too many losses. My army is getting reassigned to South America.

MG: Never fear brother! I'm here, people think I'm British, but you know I'm Chinese, and I'll save you by using the 'value' therapy( Hector) to heal you, though it will look wierd and drive like a boat. I'll buy your hideout(Halol plant) too.

Hyundai: (to GM) Will miss you, old friend. My boss just assigned my sister (Kia) here, I'm so excited! Now we can join forces to defeat Suzuki, the legendary sniper who never misses a shot.

In another corner,

Volkswagen: (Bearded and aged, tries to buy a drink for Kia): So, what's your name beautiful?

Kia: (Threateningly) Stay away from me old man. Your weapons are too outdated to annihilate my army. And have you seen the way you look? You haven't shaved in years and that botox isn't helping.

Skoda: (To Kia) Hey, leave my cousin alone. Next year, we're coming back, harder, better, faster, stronger.

Kia: (mockingly): Oh yeah? Where's the diesel? CNG isn't ubiquitous like Diesel, how do you think your C-SUVs can beat my pride, the Seltos.

Hyundai: (Pitches in) Back away from my sis, gentlemen. Next year, all my arsenals will be fully updated. VW, your Tiguan isn't about to get crushed by the Tucson. And can you go and change your style, the Polo-Vento style is so 2010s.

Volkswagen: Watch your words Hyundai, I'm still the most powerful mercenary worldwide.

Toyota: (to VW-SKODA) Nope, sorry, that's me. (To Suzuki) Hey Suzuki, long time no see!

Suzuki: Hey bud! Listen, let's join forces, I sell you tin cans and you give me your tech.

Toyota: Duh... Okay! What about safety?

Suzuki: (guffaws) Hahaha, that's one thing India doesn't want, they want cheap, lightweight and efficient weapons. Don't worry, you'll make a dough, and you'll be able to teach me how to succeed in markets like UK and USA, where quality and safety matters. I got my fingers burnt in the USA. Only India was able to save me then.

Toyota: Let's do it! (to himself: soon I'll get enough money to employ this guy and bam! I'll be the king of the world!

Renault: ( enters the bar with Nissan) Nice, with the help of Nissan, I can show we're the best with my supreme and affordable weapon, the Duster! To save money, I can install smaller airbags, and never update it! Then I can sell the van like Lodgy and sell the overpriced Koleos. Then, 5 years later, I can milk the same old weapon by branding it as the Captur, the Indians won't notice that it is different from the European one!

Nissan (to Renault): Good idea brother, I'll lend you the Micra and Sunny, which will never be updated properly, you give me the Duster and Captur for the Terrano and Kicks! We'll sell them through the worst dealerships and give the worst service India will ever experience!

Tata: I have a dream, to reach the top 3 in 2019, with great looking products that are good to drive!

All: (sarcastically) Sure sure, and the Harrier turned out to be a niggle free product!

FCA: Guys, what about me?

Suzuki: Who are you? I just know that your dealerships are lame and you haven't built upon your initial success (Jeep Compass).

Honda: (In a corner, wasted) The Glory days, the first three Citys, the Accord and CR-V were great. Now, I can make my cars cheap quality wise, and overprice them, starting with the Brio, Amaze and BR-V and spread the virus to my best offering, the 4th gen City. I'll have an arrogant management, who don't care, and all will be good.

Bartender: Look at you man, you're dying, you need a medic, the way you're going. Save yourself! Get a Creta fighter and price your products sensibly!

Honda: Who do you think you are? I don't care that the Korean loser(Hyundai) has taken my place as the supreme 'H', whether in India, or worldwide.

Bartender: Okay, have it your way. Goodbye, you won't be missed.

In another corner, all the rich mercenaries are drinking.

Mercedes: I came first, made a mistake by selling an old model, never anymore! I've improved service and sell class best products, continuously updated with good dealerships!

BMW: Great bro! I'll steal your strategy, except my weapons will have ugly looking grilles from now on.

Audi: I won't sell Diesel cars, sell cars with just adequate engines, lose the Quattro all wheel drive, buyers won't notice!

Bartender: ( Smirking) Good luck buddy, you'll need it.

Volvo, Jaguar, Porsche: Hey don't forget us!

Volvo: I'll sell cars with epic designs, but a few years later I'll start deleting safety features and the air suspension, which is what makes them great!

Jaguar: I'll work in the fringes of this segment!

Porsche: Me too, and I'll overpriced them!