The Official Joke thread

?ushk@r · 15th July 2006, 05:30

heelntoe · 15th July 2006, 21:30

Two engineering students meet on campus one day. The first engineer calls out to the other, "Hey nice bike! Where did you get it?" "Well," replies the other, "I was walking to class the other day when this pretty, young coed rides up on this bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes, and says 'You can have anything you want!'" "Good choice," says the first, "her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway."

2L8uLoose · 17th July 2006, 09:29

A sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders.
The guard Iqbal stops him and says, ‘What’s in the bags?’ ‘Sand,’ answered the Sardarji.
Iqbal says, ‘We’ll just see about that. Get off the bike.’
Iqbal’s guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the sardarji all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases the sardaji, puts the sand into new bags, hefts
them onto the sardarji’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, ‘What have you got?’
‘Sand,’ says the Sardarji.
Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the Sardar, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.
Finally, the Sardarji doesn’t show up one day and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a ‘Dhaba’ in Islamabad.
‘Hey, Buddy,’ says Iqbal, ‘I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about…I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?’
The Sardaji, sips his Lassi and says, ‘Bikes’

2L8uLoose · 17th July 2006, 17:32

....DELETED.... This part is too profane for this forum. -Mod Team
Inanimate Gender.

Have you ever stopped to think whether the inanimate things around us also have genders? Believe it or not, they do! Check out these things we use in our daily lives, who would have though!?!
Ziploc bags are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
Copiers are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons Are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed
A tire is male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated
A hot air balloon is male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.
Sponges are female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.
A web page is female, because it's always getting hit on.
A subway is male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
An hourglass is female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
A hammer is male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
A remote control is female. Ha! You thought it'd be male, didn't you? But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps! trying!

Samurai · 17th July 2006, 18:25

What is the difference between the democratic countries of USA and India?

In USA you can kiss in a public place but not piss, in INDIA you can piss in a public place but not kiss.

2L8uLoose · 18th July 2006, 10:04

Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch.
Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law:
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time)
Bath Theorem:
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Theatre Rule:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy’s Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
Law of Location:
No matter where you go, there you are.
Law of Logical Argument:
Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.
Brown’s Law:
If the shoe fits, it’s really ugly.
Oliver’s Law:
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson’s Law:
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it

speedsatya · 18th July 2006, 11:06

door gaaaon me jab baccha oooooooo oooooo karke rota toh maaa kya bolthi...

so ja beta ...nahi toh bada hoke Himesh Reshammiya banega

rsjaurr · 18th July 2006, 21:03

An Indian walks into a New York City bank and asks to see the loan

officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and

needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some

kind of security for such a loan, so the man hands over the keys of a new
Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank.

Everything is checked out,and the bank agrees to accept the car as
collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's
underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the man returns,
repays the $5,000 and the interest,which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and
this transaction has worked out very nicely,but we are little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out and found that u are a
multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The Indian replied,"Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks
for 15 bucks?"

Cheers !

Indians are indians......, Smart brains.

2L8uLoose · 19th July 2006, 09:39

RSJAURR.. thats a REPOST... Page 76 post 1127.. put up by ME!!

And before any of the mod's come out with a comment on my indepth knowledge of this thread... I just wanna say I REALLY cant help it if I remember jokes... so there.

madan80 · 19th July 2006, 09:42

What do you call four old men in a skoda?
A- A geratrics ward!

But im still a huge fan of the Skoda!: )

rsjaurr · 19th July 2006, 16:22

Quote:

RSJAURR.. thats a REPOST... Page 76 post 1127.. put up by ME!!

And before any of the mod's come out with a comment on my indepth knowledge of this thread... I just wanna say I REALLY cant help it if I remember jokes... so there.

oops.........it was not intentional buddy.I got it in mail and just 'copy & pasted" it here.Anyway jokes r not like property u cant trespass.Hope u wont mind and enjoy this ...........

2L8uLoose · 19th July 2006, 16:26

Quote:

oops.........it was not intentional buddy.I got it in mail and just 'copy & pasted" it here.Anyway jokes r not like property u cant trespass.Hope u wont mind and enjoy this ...........

HAHA.. Depends who your making me.... the Matador or the bull!!!

condor · 19th July 2006, 16:28

2L8uLoose & rsjaurr, who would you like to be, in this case?

2L8uLoose · 19th July 2006, 16:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by condor

2L8uLoose & rsjaurr, who would you like to be, in this case?

I call Shotgun on the MATADOR!
Wouldnt trade places with the bull for all the gold in Spain

EDIT:400 POSTS.. WOOHOO!!!!!

rsjaurr · 19th July 2006, 16:54

Quote:

Originally Posted by condor

2L8uLoose & rsjaurr, who would you like to be, in this case?

none of these.......

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2L8uLoose

I call Shotgun on the MATADOR!
Wouldnt trade places with the bull for all the gold in Spain

EDIT:400 POSTS.. WOOHOO!!!!!

alright...........have a look at this one........

i had a same pic but with bull closer to that guy and horn just about in...

17th July 2006, 17:32	#1354
2L8uLoose BANNED Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Bombay Posts: 628 Thanked: 7 Times View My Garage	Impotency Slang ....DELETED.... This part is too profane for this forum. -Mod Team Inanimate Gender. Have you ever stopped to think whether the inanimate things around us also have genders? Believe it or not, they do! Check out these things we use in our daily lives, who would have though!?! Ziploc bags are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them. Copiers are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons Are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed A tire is male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated A hot air balloon is male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part. Sponges are female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water. A web page is female, because it's always getting hit on. A subway is male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up. An hourglass is female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom. A hammer is male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around. A remote control is female. Ha! You thought it'd be male, didn't you? But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps! trying! Last edited by Samurai : 17th July 2006 at 17:40.

18th July 2006, 10:04	#1356
2L8uLoose BANNED Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Bombay Posts: 628 Thanked: 7 Times View My Garage	Laws of Life Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time) Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. Murphy’s Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about. Brown’s Law: If the shoe fits, it’s really ugly. Oliver’s Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet. Wilson’s Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it

19th July 2006, 09:42	#1360
madan80 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Santa Clara, CA Posts: 1,360 Thanked: 80 Times View My Garage	What do you call four old men in a skoda? A- A geratrics ward! But im still a huge fan of the Skoda!: ) Last edited by adya33 : 19th July 2006 at 22:55.

15th July 2006, 05:30	#1351
?ushk@r BHPian Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Ahmedabad, Gujarat Posts: 292 Thanked: 10 Times View My Garage

15th July 2006, 21:30	#1352
heelntoe BHPian Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: navi mumbai Posts: 240 Thanked: Once	Two engineering students meet on campus one day. The first engineer calls out to the other, "Hey nice bike! Where did you get it?" "Well," replies the other, "I was walking to class the other day when this pretty, young coed rides up on this bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes, and says 'You can have anything you want!'" "Good choice," says the first, "her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway."

17th July 2006, 09:29	#1353
2L8uLoose BANNED Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Bombay Posts: 628 Thanked: 7 Times View My Garage	A sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard Iqbal stops him and says, ‘What’s in the bags?’ ‘Sand,’ answered the Sardarji. Iqbal says, ‘We’ll just see about that. Get off the bike.’ Iqbal’s guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the sardarji all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases the sardaji, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the sardarji’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border. A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, ‘What have you got?’ ‘Sand,’ says the Sardarji. Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the Sardar, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years. Finally, the Sardarji doesn’t show up one day and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a ‘Dhaba’ in Islamabad. ‘Hey, Buddy,’ says Iqbal, ‘I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about…I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?’ The Sardaji, sips his Lassi and says, ‘Bikes’

17th July 2006, 18:25	#1355
Samurai Team-BHP Support Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Bangalore/Udupi Posts: 25,892 Thanked: 46,259 Times View My Garage	What is the difference between the democratic countries of USA and India? In USA you can kiss in a public place but not piss, in INDIA you can piss in a public place but not kiss.

18th July 2006, 11:06	#1357
speedsatya Senior - BHPian Join Date: May 2004 Location: bangalore/manga Posts: 3,169 Thanked: 738 Times View My Garage	door gaaaon me jab baccha oooooooo oooooo karke rota toh maaa kya bolthi... so ja beta ...nahi toh bada hoke Himesh Reshammiya banega

18th July 2006, 21:03	#1358
rsjaurr BHPian Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Batala Posts: 777 Thanked: 28 Times	An Indian walks into a New York City bank and asks to see the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the man hands over the keys of a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything is checked out,and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest,which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely,but we are little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that u are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The Indian replied,"Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?" Cheers ! Indians are indians......, Smart brains.

19th July 2006, 09:39	#1359
2L8uLoose BANNED Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Bombay Posts: 628 Thanked: 7 Times View My Garage	RSJAURR.. thats a REPOST... Page 76 post 1127.. put up by ME!! And before any of the mod's come out with a comment on my indepth knowledge of this thread... I just wanna say I REALLY cant help it if I remember jokes... so there.

19th July 2006, 16:28	#1363
condor Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Speed-brkr City Posts: 15,935 Thanked: 16,185 Times View My Garage	2L8uLoose & rsjaurr, who would you like to be, in this case?