Team-BHP - The Official Joke thread

A Gynaecologist becomes a Mechanic
A gynaecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.*
He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.*

When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynaecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing,an error, he called the Instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade?"*

"The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."*

After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the exhaust, which I've never seen done in my entire career".*

If you do not laugh out loud on this one, your "laughter" button is broken!

A Queensland farmer drove to a neighbours' farmhouse in his Holden ute, and knocked at the door.
A boy, about 9, opened the door
"Is your Dad home?" said the farmer.
"No mate, he isn't; he went to town."
"Well, is your Mother here?"
"No, she went to town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No mate, he went with Mum and Dad."
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other,and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message."
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter Susie pregnant".
The boy thought for a moment. "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the pig, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."

Go to the following link, scroll down and read the joke titled The Dishes

Statutory warning : Coffee mug in hands may cause unexpected spillage resulting in scalding and staining in tactical locations:D

http://www.jokes4us.com/miscellaneou...dsonjokes.html

Quote:

Originally Posted by adrian (Post 3821516)

Go to the following link, scroll down and read the joke titled The Dishes

Statutory warning : Coffee mug in hands may cause unexpected spillage resulting in scalding and staining in tactical locations:D

http://www.jokes4us.com/miscellaneou...dsonjokes.html

Good Grief ! Thanks a lot for the warning. Things would have been real messy if it is not for your warning.

After having their 11th child, a Liverpool couple decided that was enough, as the social wouldn't buy them a bigger bed and they weren't strong enough to nick one.
The husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive.
A less costly alternative was to go home, light a firework, put it in a beer can, hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The Scouser said, 'I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can is going to work!'
'Trust me, it will do the job', said the doctor.
So he went home and as the doctor suggested he lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: '1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ......' at which point he placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.

A rich Sheikh was admitted at Lilavati Hospital in Mumbai for a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally. So the call went out to a number of countries.

Finally a Malayalee named Raghavan Palakkad iyer from Kerala was located who had a similar type of blood.

Raghavan willingly donated his blood for the Sheikh.

After the surgery, the Sheikh sent Raghavan as appreciation for giving
his blood, a new Toyota Prado, Diamonds, Lapiz Lazuli Jewellery, and a Million Dinars.

Once again the Sheikh had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned Raghavan, who was more than happy to donate his blood again.

After the second surgery, the Sheikh sent Raghavan a thank you card and a jar of Almond Halwa sweets. Raghavan was shocked to see that the Sheikh this time did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Sheikh and said 'This time also I thought that you would give me Toyota Prado, Diamonds and Jewellery.... but you gave only a thank you card and a jar of Almond sweets.'

To this the Sheikh replied: 'Mone' Raghava...now i have a Malayalee's blood in my veins!' 😆😝