The Official Joke thread

W.A.G.7 · 29th August 2012, 23:04

Quote:

Originally Posted by dar3dev|l

Just as all 3 of them tear through a speed trap the cop radios the HQ "You won't believe I have a BMW & Porshe raising past 120mile an hr with a Nano flashing its lights to overtake" :-)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pri2

Automobile enthusiasts now a days!!

Read these two nice jokes after a very long time! Laughed loudly in office today!!

Fillmore · 30th August 2012, 18:31

Software updates

harshaguduru · 30th August 2012, 21:30

Quote:

Originally Posted by mayankk

oh recursion, thou art a perplexing friend. ...

OREOception..cookie in a cookie in a cookie

vivekiny2k · 30th August 2012, 22:12

Missing woman finds herself. No, no, literally finds herself.

http://www.wlwt.com/news/national/-M...z/-/index.html

deetee · 31st August 2012, 09:19

A tale of two strings:

Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?”

The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu”

“Please excuse my friend,” the second string says, “He isn’t null-terminated.”

The Nutty Professor:

A statistics professor plans to travel to a conference by plane. When he passes the security check, they discover a bomb in his carry-on-baggage. Of course, he is hauled off immediately for interrogation.

"I don't understand it!" the interrogating officer exclaims. "You're an accomplished professional, a caring family man, a pillar of your parish - and now you want to destroy that all by blowing up an airplane!"

"Sorry", the professor interrupts him. "I had never intended to blow up the plane."

"So, for what reason else did you try to bring a bomb on board?!"

"Let me explain. Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. That's quite high if you think about it - so high that I wouldn't have any peace of mind on a flight."

"And what does this have to do with you bringing a bomb on board of a plane?"

"You see, since the probability of one bomb being on my plane is 1/1000, the chance that there are two bombs is 1/1000000. If I already bring one, the chance of another bomb being around is actually 1/1000000, and I am much safer..."

Irish · 31st August 2012, 10:40

Why lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer:

In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand - a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She replied, "Why yes, I do. I 've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of whom was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and in a very quiet voice said, "If either of you *******s asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."

Cheers!
Irish

AlphaKilo · 31st August 2012, 11:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pri2

Automobile enthusiasts now a days!!

Oh! I am seriously rofling in my work place!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fillmore

Software updates

So true of windows and Mac. hahaha!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Irish

Why lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer:

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and in a very quiet voice said, "If either of you *******s asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."

Cheers!
Irish

Dedicating this to Suhaas

vb-saan · 31st August 2012, 15:42

Saw this on Facebook :-)

Scorcher · 31st August 2012, 16:01

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RR5rIv4Qros

IronH4WK · 31st August 2012, 16:28

Maruti Suzuki sues Apple for $1 Billion!

SankalpDesai · 1st September 2012, 15:34

Rajnikant doing push-ups...

ramzsys · 2nd September 2012, 04:33

Maynot be a joke, but still..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOjZx...layer_embedded

IronH4WK · 2nd September 2012, 23:59

another one from Facebook

The Official Joke thread-426722_10151145620128606_1615273195_n.jpg

courtesy: U.S Army W.T.F! moments

radek · 3rd September 2012, 11:12

Lady Driver
After a meeting as I was coming out of a hotel and I was looking for my car keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room it wasn't there,
Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the car. My husband has shouted many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.
My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them.
His theory is that the car will be stolen. Immediately I rushed to the parking lot , I came to a terrifying conclusion.
His theory was right. The parking lot was empty.
I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, car no/description of car/placed i parked etc, i equally confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband, "Honey," I stammered; I always call him "honey" in times like these.
"I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."
There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice.
"Idiot", he shouted, "I dropped you at the hotel !"
Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."
He shouted again, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car."

ladak.imran · 3rd September 2012, 11:41

Hahaha! This was too good!!
I dunno how I missed this before!

Quote:

Originally Posted by dhanushs

Tejas@perioimpl's post in the Thar CRDe thread deserves special mention here:

30th August 2012, 18:31	#7352
Fillmore BHPian Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Bangalore Posts: 507 Thanked: 590 Times	Software Updates Software updates

30th August 2012, 22:12	#7354
vivekiny2k Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: cincinnati, jabalpur,chennai Posts: 1,264 Thanked: 212 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread Missing woman finds herself. No, no, literally finds herself. http://www.wlwt.com/news/national/-M...z/-/index.html

31st August 2012, 09:19	#7355
deetee BHPian Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Mangalore Posts: 504 Thanked: 1,622 Times View My Garage	Re: The Official Joke thread A tale of two strings: Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?” The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu” “Please excuse my friend,” the second string says, “He isn’t null-terminated.” The Nutty Professor: A statistics professor plans to travel to a conference by plane. When he passes the security check, they discover a bomb in his carry-on-baggage. Of course, he is hauled off immediately for interrogation. "I don't understand it!" the interrogating officer exclaims. "You're an accomplished professional, a caring family man, a pillar of your parish - and now you want to destroy that all by blowing up an airplane!" "Sorry", the professor interrupts him. "I had never intended to blow up the plane." "So, for what reason else did you try to bring a bomb on board?!" "Let me explain. Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. That's quite high if you think about it - so high that I wouldn't have any peace of mind on a flight." "And what does this have to do with you bringing a bomb on board of a plane?" "You see, since the probability of one bomb being on my plane is 1/1000, the chance that there are two bombs is 1/1000000. If I already bring one, the chance of another bomb being around is actually 1/1000000, and I am much safer..."

31st August 2012, 10:40	#7356
Irish BHPian Join Date: May 2009 Location: India Posts: 603 Thanked: 652 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Why lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer: In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand - a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She replied, "Why yes, I do. I 've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of whom was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and in a very quiet voice said, "If either of you *******s asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt." Cheers! Irish

31st August 2012, 15:42	#7358
vb-saan Team-BHP Support Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: S'pore/Thrissur Posts: 7,378 Thanked: 12,951 Times	Saw this on Facebook :-) Attached Thumbnails

31st August 2012, 16:28	#7360
IronH4WK Senior - BHPian Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Bangalore Posts: 3,468 Thanked: 4,149 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Maruti Suzuki sues Apple for $1 Billion!

1st September 2012, 15:34	#7361
SankalpDesai BHPian Join Date: May 2010 Location: Frankfurt Posts: 246 Thanked: 72 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Rajnikant doing push-ups... Attached Thumbnails

2nd September 2012, 23:59	#7363
IronH4WK Senior - BHPian Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Bangalore Posts: 3,468 Thanked: 4,149 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread another one from Facebook courtesy: U.S Army W.T.F! moments

3rd September 2012, 11:12	#7364
radek BHPian Join Date: May 2007 Location: Pune Posts: 288 Thanked: 81 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Lady Driver After a meeting as I was coming out of a hotel and I was looking for my car keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room it wasn't there, Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the car. My husband has shouted many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen. Immediately I rushed to the parking lot , I came to a terrifying conclusion. His theory was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, car no/description of car/placed i parked etc, i equally confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband, "Honey," I stammered; I always call him "honey" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen." There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice. "Idiot", he shouted, "I dropped you at the hotel !" Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me." He shouted again, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car."