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-   -   The Official Joke thread (https://www.team-bhp.com/forum/et-cetera/2439-official-joke-thread-447.html)

Where can I sign up lol:

I have been advised by Lord of the House on

Topic 6. Learning how to find things, starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming.
Open forum.

Topic 7. Health watch: bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health.
Graphics and audio tape.

Topic 8. Real men ask for directions when lost.
Real-life testimonials.

Topic 9. Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly as she parallel parks?
Driving simulation.

Topic 11. How to be the ideal shopping companion.
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.
:uncontrol

By the way, one more joke:
Brain Vs Girlfriend

Akash was waiting for his girlfriend.

"30 minutes late!!", his brain shouted at him, "Last time you were 5 mins late and she had literally gobbled you up, remember??"

"Yeah yeah", he said to his brain, "You know her, all moody and stuff, oh there she is"

"Scold her OK?", his brain advised.

"OK I will try"

Sweet Sheetal comes with the cutest smile and says "I’m sorry honey. I was shopping for shoes, totally forgot about you"

"What if you had said that line buddy?", shouted his brain ... "she would have had a nervous breakdown"

Akash ignored his brain. "It’s OK honey, its only half an hour, no problem"

She smiled once again, held his hand and asked "Hope you remember what occasion is today"

"OMG!!!", thought Akash!

"Brain - search database for reminders, anniversaries, silly anniversaries, birthdays and birthdays of people I dont care about"

Brain got into action - he started delegating work to different parts ! ..

parallel processing - multiple search - complete memory scan.

Sheetal stared at Akash "Hello!! You have been staring at me for 2 minutes now, you OK?"

"Huh!!!", he said, "Oh! nothing's wrong, was lost in thought"

"No records found", said the brain

"Da**mn!!", thought Akash

"So what say, how do we celebrate this day?", she asked.

Akash is all confused "Ask her, dumbo?" said the brain

"OK OK stop pushing me"

"Honey You know my lousy memory. I guess I can't recall what today is" :D


"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", she shouted and started crying.

"How could you forget!! It’s my doggy's birthday"

"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

A moment of silence.

His entire brain staff was laughing at him.
Akash was dumbfounded.

"What the hell am I supposed to do know?", he asked his brain.

"Damage control sequence initialized. Don't worry our specialist will comeback with the perfect line to make everything all right"

"Better do it fast brainy"

The brain was working at 90% capacity - gathering and analyzing all data on 'How to handle women?'

Finally an answer was computed and communicated to Akash.

He looked up to her, and said "Of Course I remember your doggy's bday
how can I forget that sweet mutt's special day"

She looked up with utter surprise

"HUH!!!!!!! Doggy is the name of my cat you je**rk"

She stood up angrily and left.

Akash and his brain were left there clueless.

Brain Vs Girlfriend

Priceless one Rahul. You made my day:uncontrol.

That sequence was so so funny. I laughed so hard and had to get up to go to the rest room! Thanks for that (i mean joke and not the rest room break) clap:

Got this on Facebook !!

Is this an internet de-addiction centre? If so, the name is apt. Otherwise, it is possible that the person wanted a "hi-tech" name for this place.:D

shoddy PS.
:)

But an excellently accurate sign o times!!

An addition to What I Really Do :Shockked: Series:








Cheers!
Irish :)

I am sure-he will possibly transfer it to some other vehicle,he might have bought the scooter just for this number:)

Girlfriends and the reason for a break up !

Here's the best baby sitter that a wife can find ...no wife would have to worry about her husband starting an affair with the sitter! lol:

Why do stories have to be so long when told by a woman?

Example:

Man telling the story: "Hey you remember that fat guy who was dancing at the party?
He died."

Woman telling the story: "Honey Do you
remember my friend Jackie from work? The
one who invited us to her party! She just
told me that Mike's wife from the party,
heard from James' wife Cathy, that Philip
told her that his brother Max, the f...at guy
from the party, choked on a piece of meat,
or it could have been bread, I don't
remember, but anyway, she said that Max
was rushed to the hospital late last night,
after he suffocated from being choked by
the bread. They did all they could do to save
him, but he didn't make it.
I can't believe it, that fat guy from the party
died.

PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel.
OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel.
REALIST: A freight train.
TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 Idiots standing on the track. :Shockked:

================================================== =====================================

Baby mosquito came back after 1st time flying.
His mom asked him "How do you feel?" :
He replied "It was wonderful, Everyone was clapping for me!"

================================================== =====================================

During school days, whoever comes out first from the exam hall, people think that "Oh My God! He knows everything"
And
In College whoever comes out first, people think that: "hahahaha... he knows Nothing''


Cheers!
Irish :)

Similar one I had read somewhere

Q. What are the causes for the 2nd Battle of Panipat ?
A. The 2nd Battle of Panipat happened because the 1st Battle of Panipat did not end properly

Q. If 10 men can build a wall in 15 days, how men are required to build the same wall in 7 days?
A. This is a highly irrelevant question, when 10 men can build a wall in 15 days, what is the need to build the same wall in 7 days

Hope this is not a Repeat

Happiest Man is ONE whose

Daughter's Photo is on Business World Cover
Son on India Today Cover
Girlfriend on Filmfare Cover and

WIFE on missing column of newspaper.