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-   -   The Official Joke thread (https://www.team-bhp.com/forum/et-cetera/2439-official-joke-thread-380.html)

Mechanic to customer: "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

:D

At a silencer shop (also does shock absorber jobs):

"Do Not Blow Your Horn As We Can Hear You Coming".

"Leave Your Car With Us - We Can Shock And Exhaust It."

just found this on Facebook

Doctor to injured patient : You need stitches..
Patient : How much ?
Doctor: 7000/
Patient : Too much - I need only stitches not EMBROIDERY!

lol:

(Recieved this morning as text message)

BREAKING NEWS!!!

ROBOT's parking collection was twice bigger than Ra-One box office collection...lol:

I had received a SMS joke on similar lines:

Patient : How much for a plastic surgery?
Doctor : That would be 10 lac rupees.
Patient : How much if I buy my own plastic from the wholesale market?:D:D

Boss to employee: You have worked very hard my boy, here is a cheque for you.
Employee: Boss 5000 rupees , thank you Boss
Boss: Keep working like this and I'll sign the cheque next year. :)

Found this on FB:

Two young guys in court after being arrested for smoking dope.

The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evil of drugs. I'll see you back in court on Monday."

On Monday, the judge asked asks the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?"

FG: "Well your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."

Judge: "Seventeen people? That's wonderful. How did you do it?"

FG: "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o. Then, I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," says the judge. Then he turns to the second guy. "And how did you do?"

SG: "Well your honor, "I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."

"Wow!" says the judge. "156 people! How did you manage to do that?"

SG: "Well, I used a similar diagram. I drew two circles like this: o O. Then I pointed to the little circle and said, "This is your *** before prison."


Mods, if you find it offensive, abusive kindly remove it!

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FB Again!

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and Blue.

... Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start sipping it with your mouth. Just sip and sip but don't stop until he goes to bed and is asleep."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I sipped my sweet tea. I sipped and sipped, and he didn't touch me!"

Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"

Note from the Team-BHP Support Team: Please use the "edit" button if posting within 30 minutes of the first post, instead of creating another back-to-back post. Avoid posting in bold as it inconveniences our readers.

A lady jumps a red signal. She is flagged down by the constable.

Lady: Please let me go, I am in a hurry. I am a teacher,I am getting late for the class.

Constable gleefully: Hah! I have been waiting for this all my life. Write "I will not jump red signal again" 500 times and I will let you go!

A man jumped into the river and never came back.

Another man jumped, he also did not return.

Santa's conclusion:Man is soluble in water...!!

Poori chemistry hi hila di... :) ;)

A tree never hits an automobile. Except in self-defense.

:D

Couldn't agree more. While I was in Kochi about 10 years ago for a training, every time I used to board a city bus there, I used to feel like the guy is driving in an F1 race. Many times I wondered if he has forgotten to stop at my stop, but the next moment the bus used to come to a screeching halt.

And that is what is called as pitstopping :D

Energy crisis - Solved! :p

A boy on date in a BMW car

Boy: "I hid something from you till this time"

GF(shockingly): "What?"

Boy: "I'm already married and have two children"

GF: "Ohh, you scared me! I thought that the BMW is not yours" :D

Claiming Virginity:

Girl : If this was your first time, how did you do it so well?

Boy: If this was you first time, how did you know I did it so well?


I didn't get you.