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-   -   The Official Joke thread (https://www.team-bhp.com/forum/et-cetera/2439-official-joke-thread-369.html)

Six months before exams we study from Foreign author's book

One month before from Indian Author's book

One day before from local author's book

And on the day of the exam, forget others, "I am the author!!!":D

That was the case with me, i used to write my own "Definitions" lol: and my Economics professor pointed out that we have a new author in our class who has his own set of standard definitions he knew it was me, but never made me stand and feel embarrassed. (But only at college level i did this and not at university level)

Found this on facebook on a friends wall:

Terror english by our school PE sir:

1. There is no wind in the football.
2. I talk, he talk, why you middle talk
3. You rotate the ground 4 times.
4. I will give you clap
5. Bring your parents with your mother and father
6. Haircut not cut...!!
7. Open the window, let atmosphere enter the nostrils!!!
:D

+

Keep quiet, Principal is rotating!!

I have heard a modified version of that.

Keep quite, Principal is passing in the corridor.

BTW I don't know if the ever famous JPR Jokes have been posted on this thread.

# About his family :
--------------------
* I have two daughters. Both of them are girls...(?) -> I think this happened in VIT !!

# At the ground :
-----------------
* All of you, stand in a straight circle.
* There is no wind in the balloon.
*The girl with the mirror please come her...{Meaning girl with specs).

# To a boy, angrily :
---------------------
* I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk ?

# Giving a punishment :
-----------------------
* You, rotate the ground four times...
* You, go and under-stand the tree...
* You three of you, stand together separately.
* Why are you late - say YES or NO .....(?)

# Sir at his best :
---------------
Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to
see one of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did not see them. So
the next day at school... ( to that boy ) - "Yesterday I saw you WITH MY
WIFE at the Cinema Theatre"

Inside the Class :
----------------
* Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
* Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
* Cut an apple into two halves - take the bigger half.
* Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal just passed away in the corridor
* You, meet me behind the class. (meaning AFTER the class .. )
* Both of u three, get out of the class.
* Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today...
* Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.....
* Take 5 cm wire of any length....

********************

once jeppiar had come late to a college function, by the time the
function had started, so he went to the dais, and said, sorry i am late,
because on the way my car hit 2 muttons (Meaning goats).
This is the way his english will be but let me tell u some of the
dialogues heard during sathyabama college day 2001 :- "This college strict
u the worry no ... u get good marks, i the happy, tomorrow u get good
job, jpr the happy, tomorrow u marry i enjoy"

st joseph freshyears day 2003 :-
"No ragging this college. anyybody rag we arrest the police"

Source: JPR Jokes :)

++ (and swear to god this is bilkul true. My "Arts" teacher's artistic way with words)

OK lissan Cheelren. Do homework and tomorrow come check me all.

Sigh!!


It thought it was going to be:-

"... the author on the other bench!!"

My bad; it was a bus, not the tube train.

http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/shifti...ml#post1153007

This should be in the life's like that thread but it's more apt here (remembered the incident after reading some jokes here):

We regularly conduct courses for students and dentists and teach them dental implantology. One day we finished our 6 month course in X college and later that evening the dean was making his speech: "Dear students, we have now given you the best of knowledge and taught you'll to use cutting edge equipment. It is now upto you to make good use of this knowledge, the court is in your balls! Thank you"

After a moment of stunned silence, there was the expected reaction among everyone else. The esteemed dean however, did not realize his gaffe and strutted off nonchalantly.

One more from Facebook as seen on a friend's wall:

I think most college girls will agree that the iPill is a much more important & useful invention than the iPhone, iPod or the iPad!

Steve Jobs has reached heaven & started his job there.

From now "Apsaras" will be known as "iTems".

If u give me 100 young boys I can change the nation...
-Vivekanand
If u give me 100 young girls i can create another nation...
-Nithyananda :D


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Don't Condor me if it has been shared before. Saw it somewhere, thought ill share.

I typed "Manchester united defense" as my computer password, but my computer says its too weak. :D

Another personal quote that I had put on my profile at the end of the Ganesh Chaturthi festival:

"Dear Ganpathi,

I am really sorry. Had it been in my power, I would have banned the pandals from playing Munni, Sheila and even Jalebi Bai. It was really grateful of you to sit there patiently and to not run and dive into the pond by yourself.

But you got to agree, it was kind of funny to watch those people dancing to those tunes in front of you! :D

This wont improve, see you next year :) "