The Official Joke thread

prateekm · 6th August 2011, 20:17

How do I increase my download speed? Well, it's pretty simple..

neofromcapone · 7th August 2011, 04:02

Check out Bawatips on FaceBook,they are a laugh-a-ton

SirAlec · 7th August 2011, 22:36

There is also a place called "this'. i mean its not spelled that way in Hindi but in english its offending.

PS: please feel free to remove if offending.

pachchu · 9th August 2011, 10:34

Chacha kaise ho?

Chacha: ab kya batau…. Bada beta share broker hai… doosara beta Jet Airways mein hai… teesra Software Company mein aur… Ladki Lehman Brothers mein…..

Sabse chhota Panwala hai… Bus Wohi ghar chala raha hai!

translation:

Uncle how are you?

Uncle: what shall I say... eldest son is a broker, second one works for Jet Airways, third one is in a software company... and my daughter works for Lehmann Brothers

but it's my youngest son who runs the house... - he is a panwalla

mayankk · 9th August 2011, 10:46

Quote:

Originally Posted by prateekm

How do I increase my download speed? Well, it's pretty simple..

Attachment 589129

look for troll physics, on G-dev.
Its simplistic, nonsensical yet makes sense, and hilarious!
there's even a few perpetual-motion machines a few guys have made!

selfdrive · 9th August 2011, 11:21

Quote:

Originally Posted by mayankk

I heard this from Facebook.

How?! voice activation?

Edit: or was it an audio file

just kidding, dont hit me

mayankk · 9th August 2011, 11:32

Quote:

Originally Posted by selfdrive

How?! voice activation?

Edit: or was it an audio file

just kidding, dont hit me

you got me, professor clumpus!!
actually, my friend read out the status of one his friends....
.
.

fibbing.
no graceful way out,hence i concede the error of my grandma!

wanderer4x4 · 9th August 2011, 13:00

Subject: How Bad It's Gotten in America since the Recession to the present market crash?

It has hit everybody really hard...

My friend got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
I saw a Moron with only one wife.
If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds" you call them and ask if they meant yours or theirs.
McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
When Bill and Hillary travel together they now have to share a room.
The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
Congress says they are still looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
And, ...
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Newpunter · 9th August 2011, 13:06

Nice ones. But I was confused about this one. Did you mean Mormon by any chance?

Quote:

Originally Posted by wanderer4x4

Subject: How Bad It's Gotten in America since the Recession to the present market crash?

I saw a Moron with only one wife.

SuperSlick · 9th August 2011, 14:15

Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around. Some are in loud discussions during office time.....

Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened to a senior employee, they ask, "What's going on?" "Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss"

They're asking for Rs.10 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to douse him with petrol and set him on fire. We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection.

One Trainee asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?
.
.
.
.
.
"About 1 litre. "

dhanushs · 9th August 2011, 14:15

Break up: The easy way.

wanderer4x4 · 9th August 2011, 15:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by Newpunter

Nice ones. But I was confused about this one. Did you mean Mormon by any chance?

Yes..mormons indeed. This piece was one those doing the rounds, and I missed that while doing ctrl+C - ctrl+v.

dre@ms · 10th August 2011, 13:53

Announcement in University:

"The students who have parked their cars on the driveway, please move them"

Another announcement after 20 minutes:

"The 200 students who went to move 9 cars please return to their respective classes"

yosbert · 11th August 2011, 17:21

MODERATOR NOTE:

Post Edited. Do not post in Bold for no specific reason.

A naked & drunken woman boards a cab in London. Driver of the cab, a Gujju, keeps staring at her and does not start the cab.
Woman: Haven't you seen a naked woman before?
Gujju: cool down. I am not staring at you. I am just wondering where you have kept the money to pay me?

Moral: This is what most of the American banks failed to do. Assessing the repayment capacity before enjoying exposure...

dhanushs · 12th August 2011, 01:18

Q. What do you call 11 people watching fireworks?
A. The Indian Cricket Team..

6th August 2011, 20:17	#4951
prateekm BHPian Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Mumbai & BLR Posts: 790 Thanked: 554 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread How do I increase my download speed? Well, it's pretty simple..

7th August 2011, 04:02	#4952
neofromcapone BHPian Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Bombay Posts: 420 Thanked: 483 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Check out Bawatips on FaceBook,they are a laugh-a-ton

7th August 2011, 22:36	#4953
SirAlec Senior - BHPian Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: zxc Posts: 3,395 Thanked: 727 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread There is also a place called "this'. i mean its not spelled that way in Hindi but in english its offending. PS: please feel free to remove if offending.

9th August 2011, 10:34	#4954
pachchu BHPian Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Bangalore Posts: 140 Thanked: 49 Times View My Garage	Effect of recession Chacha kaise ho? Chacha: ab kya batau…. Bada beta share broker hai… doosara beta Jet Airways mein hai… teesra Software Company mein aur… Ladki Lehman Brothers mein….. Sabse chhota Panwala hai… Bus Wohi ghar chala raha hai! translation: Uncle how are you? Uncle: what shall I say... eldest son is a broker, second one works for Jet Airways, third one is in a software company... and my daughter works for Lehmann Brothers but it's my youngest son who runs the house... - he is a panwalla

9th August 2011, 13:00	#4958
wanderer4x4 BHPian Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Guwahati Posts: 336 Thanked: 525 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Subject: How Bad It's Gotten in America since the Recession to the present market crash? It has hit everybody really hard... My friend got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. CEO's are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. I saw a Moron with only one wife. If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds" you call them and ask if they meant yours or theirs. McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names. My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her! A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico. A picture is now only worth 200 words. When Bill and Hillary travel together they now have to share a room. The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates. Congress says they are still looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear! And, ... I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

9th August 2011, 14:15	#4960
SuperSlick BHPian Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Chennai Posts: 200 Thanked: 96 Times	Save The Boss?? Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around. Some are in loud discussions during office time..... Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened to a senior employee, they ask, "What's going on?" "Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss" They're asking for Rs.10 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to douse him with petrol and set him on fire. We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection. One Trainee asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average? . . . . . "About 1 litre. "

9th August 2011, 14:15	#4961
dhanushs Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Chennai Posts: 4,403 Thanked: 11,041 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Break up: The easy way. Last edited by benbsb29 : 10th August 2011 at 05:44. Reason: Corrected spelling of 'break'.

10th August 2011, 13:53	#4963
dre@ms BHPian Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: MADRAS Posts: 642 Thanked: 206 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Announcement in University: "The students who have parked their cars on the driveway, please move them" Another announcement after 20 minutes: "The 200 students who went to move 9 cars please return to their respective classes"

11th August 2011, 17:21	#4964
yosbert BHPian Join Date: May 2011 Location: Bangalore Posts: 155 Thanked: 269 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread MODERATOR NOTE: Post Edited. Do not post in Bold for no specific reason. A naked & drunken woman boards a cab in London. Driver of the cab, a Gujju, keeps staring at her and does not start the cab. Woman: Haven't you seen a naked woman before? Gujju: cool down. I am not staring at you. I am just wondering where you have kept the money to pay me? Moral: This is what most of the American banks failed to do. Assessing the repayment capacity before enjoying exposure... Last edited by Mpower : 12th August 2011 at 02:16.

12th August 2011, 01:18	#4965
dhanushs Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Chennai Posts: 4,403 Thanked: 11,041 Times	Re: The Official Joke thread Q. What do you call 11 people watching fireworks? A. The Indian Cricket Team..