Team-BHP - The Official Joke thread

Quote:

Originally Posted by v&v (Post 2294166)

Women VS Men

Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?
Woman 2: it was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in
three minutes and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?
Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a
romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home
he lit the candles around the house and afterwards talked for an hour.
It was like a fairytale!

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.

Husband 1: How was your evening?
Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell
asleep. It was great! What about you?
Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because
they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to
take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have
money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour; and when
we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light
candles all over the house! After all, I was so aggravated that I
couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!

v&v, I had a very hearty laugh over your joke as I can relate myself very well to it. I sent this to my wife over email. For the past one week she has been eating my head demanding an explanation:eek:
But a consolation from your joke is that I am not the only one who is being harassed. I sent this to my cousin brother as well and he is enjoying the same fate as minestupid:

These four classified ads appeared in a newspaper on four consecutive
days. The last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's
mistake...

MONDAY: For sale - Vishanth has a sewing machine for sale. Phone
98407 16581 after 7PM and ask for Mrs Mani who lives with him cheap.

TUESDAY: Notice: We regret having erred in Vishanth's ad yesterday.
It should have read, "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 98407
16581 and ask for Mrs Mani, who lives with him after 7PM."

WEDNESDAY: Notice: Vishanth has informed us that he has received several
annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified
ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale - Vishanth has
a sewing machine for sale; Cheap. Phone 98407 16581 after 7PM and ask
for Mrs. Mani who loves with him.

THURSDAY: Notice: I, Vishanth, have no sewing machine for sale. I
smashed it. Don't call 98407 16581 as I have had the phone disconnected.
I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Mani. Until yesterday, she was my
housekeeper but she quit!

rl:rl:

A blonde is driving along the highway in her Volkswagen Beetle when she sees another blonde on the side of the road standing at the front of another Beetle with the hood up. Thinking that she may be able to help she pulls over and asks the other blonde what the problem is. "Well I was just driving along on the highway when suddenly the car died, I pulled over and popped the hood and saw that my engine was gone," replied the second blonde. "Well not to worry," replied the first, "I have a spare one in my trunk." :uncontrol

lol:

1 i need to tell you something. look at 5
2 the answer is look at 11
3 dont get mad look at 15
4 calm down look at 13
5 first look at 2
6 dont be that angry look at 12
7 i just wanted to say that you just wasted your time and i'm awesome
8 what i wanted to tell you is on 14
9 be patient look at 4
10 this is the last time im going to do this look at 7
11 now look at 6
12 sorry look at 8
13 dont get mad look at 10
14 i dont know how to say this look at 3
15 you must be reallly mad look at number 9

:D

Quote:

Originally Posted by nfsfreak (Post 2282462)

This happened during my First year of college:

Our professor for Civil Engg had solved a problem on the board.

He asked us to take that one.

One of my friend (intelligent of the lot :) ) had worked the problem himself but got a different answer.

Here's how the conversation went between the professor and my friend (student).

Student: Sir, i'm getting a different answer

Professor: Is it? you used same formula?

Student: Yes sir. Same formula and same steps sir. But Values i got in my final step is different than yours. Mine seems to be correct.

Professor: (After going thru students steps/answer) What calculator you use?

Student: Casio (showed it to the professor)

Professor: (Truimphantly) Haanh... see i use BrandXXXX calculator. Answer varies from Calculator to Calculator.

Student: ???????!!!@@@@

To be honest, when I attended my first Accountancy lecture in college where many people had brought calculators, our professor asked us to check its accuracy by working out this simple math:

Type 1 0 0
Press +
Type 2 0
Press %

The calculator should now show 120. Back then there were some which showed a different answer, and they were rejected by the professor as inaccurate.

Sorry, that wasn't a joke, but just wanted to say the professor 'could' have been right in a way.

It's business as usual for a bartender, and one day as he is cleaning his bar when an unusual customer walks in. The man is dressed in an expensive suit, has a beautiful supermodel hanging off each arm, and has a limo parked outside. Furthermore, the man has an orange for a head.
The customer sits down at the bar and orders everyone a drink. He pays for it from a roll of hundreds and manages to get the attention of every woman in the joint, despite having an orange for a head.
The bartender is not a man to pry, but he feels compelled to ask about this man's life.
"Excuse me," says the bartender, "I can't help but notice that you're obviously fabulously wealthy and irresistable to women, but you have an orange for a head. How did that happen?"
So the man told his story.
"A while back, when I was penniless, I was walking along the beach and saw an old lamp, half buried in the sand. I picked it up and gave it a clean, and POOF! out popped a genie. The genie explained that he had been trapped in that lamp for two hundred years, and that he was so grateful to me for freeing him that he would give me three wishes.
"For my first wish I asked for an unlimited fortune. The genie said 'It is done!' and from then on, whenever I needed money, it was there.
"For my second wish I asked for the attention of all the most beautiful women in the world. The genie said it was done, and since then I have been able to get any woman I wanted.
"For my third wish -- and, this is the bit where I kinda messed up -- I asked for an orange for a head."

If you found it funny, could you explain it to me ? Didn't get the last line at all. stupid:

^^thats what he asked for, hence.

onwards:has this been posted here before?

"My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so
we decided to get married.
There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful
younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight
miniskirts,
and generally was *** less.
One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check
the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered
to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got
married and commit my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last
wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in
shock as I watched her go up the stairs.
When she reached the top she pulled off her ******* and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a
beeline straight to the front door.
I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all
clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said,
"we are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your protection in your car........"