The Official Joke thread

jinojohnt · 19th March 2010, 14:07

Just saw this in my office blog -
Employee1: Hey, you still here? I thought you had resigned.
Employee2: I did, but sadly I couldn't clear the exit interview...

sanjayc · 21st March 2010, 20:24

Hilarious.

Laziest People Ever Picture Gallery on CollegeHumor - Funny Pictures, Funny Videos, Funny Links!

prateekm · 22nd March 2010, 00:28

For all you IT guys out there

EssYouWe · 22nd March 2010, 01:20

Lol... XKCD is probably the funniest strip doing the rounds these days.

Try out Abstruse Goose, PHD Comics and Pearls before Swine as well. All are pretty nice!

Cheers!

lambuhere1 · 22nd March 2010, 13:49

Just recd ...

***********************************

Men are Honest :

Honorable MEN

Must Read for Every Man and of course Woman (to understand man)

If a female is reading this article then just realize the value of a man; and if its a male then feel proud of after reading it!

"One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA JOLIE ."Is this your wife?" the Lord asked..
"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to ANGELINA JOLIE You would have come up with CAMERON DIAZ . Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife . Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care
of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE ."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.
That's our story, and we're sticking to it! - "WE ARE HONORABLE MEN!!!!!!"

*************************************

Hope I am not condered !!!

ramie2400 · 22nd March 2010, 14:26

Aakhir Yea baccha Kiska????

Santa and Preeto in court getting a divorce. The problem was who should
get custody of the child.Preeto jumped up and said: 'Your Honor. I
brought the child into the world with pain an labor. She should be in my
custody.
The judge turns to Santa and says ' What do you have to say in your
defense?

Santa sat for a while contemplating then slowly rose.
'Your Honor. If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes
out.. whose Pepsi is it .. the machine's or mine?

Yeh sunke...Preeto replied : "Judge sahab...bartan mera...dudh bhi
mera...aur usme dahi jamane ke liye 2 bunde daalne se dahi bana tu fir
wo dahi kiska..? mera ya do bund dalane vale ka"

Santa replied : Typewriter mein kagaz maine dala, keys daba-daba kar
mehnat maine ki, fir chitthi kiski? typewriter ki ya meri?

Judge:...Agar tu chitthi haath se hi likh leta to yahan par custody ki
naubat hi na aati.

************************************************** *********************************

One day Laloo was traveling by car. He was going to a village for campaigning . Suddenly a piglet came before the car. The driver couldn't hit the brake at the right time and unfortunately the baby pig was killed in the accident . At the sight Laloo was deeply moved and felt very upset He called the driver and said ,"Jiska e suuar hai hum usko compensesan dena chahta hoon . Usko dhundke lav ".

At his words the driver went to the nearest village and came back after some time with a tilak on his forehead, garlands around his neck and lots of money in his hands!!!

Laloo was surprised . He asked ,"Hum tumko kaha tha ke uss aadmi ko laiye , aur tum aise wapas aaye ho! baat kya hai?"

At this the driver replied " I told them about the incident . Hearing it they were rejoiced , put tilak and garlands on me, then danced for some time and gave this money."

Laloo then asked him "Aap unko egjactly kaa bole?"

The driver replied :
"Main bola, MAIN Laloo Prasad Yadav KA DRIVER HOON, MAINE SUAAR KE BACHHE KO MAR DALA HAI......... ."

************************************************** *************

Boss:
Arz kiya hai.........
Office may Kaam hote hain...
Galtiyon ka sama hota hai....
Aise mausam mein hi to PERFORMANCE jawan hota hai....
Dil ki khunnas BOSS jabaan se nahi kehte...
Ye fasana to appraisal mein bayan hota hai.... J J J .....

Employee's reply...
Arz kiya hai.........
Appraisal hote hain...
Disappointment ka sama hota hai...
Aise mausam mein hi to Attrition jawan hota hai....
Dil ki khunnas HUM jabaan se nahi kehte...
Ye fasana to resignation se bayan hota hai.... (Wah wah ... wah wah ... wah wah .....)

************************************************** **************
Business is Bijness
GREAT BUSINESS MINDS……
One day in a school in London, a teacher said to a class of 5-year-olds,

I'll give 10 pounds to the child who can tell me who was the most famous
man who ever lived."
An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick."
The teacher said, "Sorry Paddy, that's not correct."
Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew."
The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either."
Then a Jewish boy put his hand up and said "David",
The Buddhist boy said "Gautama Buddha"
and the Muslim boy said "Mohammed".
They all were not successful.
Finally, a Gujju boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ."
The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Jignesh, come up here and I'll give you the 10 pounds that I promised."
As the teacher was giving Jignesh his money, she said, "You know Jignesh,
since you're a Hindu Gujarati; I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ."
Jignesh replied, "Yes. In my heart I knew it was Krishna, but Bijness is Bijness!!!!!!

Enjoy!!!!

vamsi.kona · 23rd March 2010, 16:57

A lady manager of a big reputed office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into her office.

"What is your name?" was the first thing she asked the new guy.

"John," the new guy replied.

She scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.
I refer to my employees by their last name only ... Smith, Jones, Baker ...that's all. That's my rule.
I am to be referred to only as Mrs. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed, "Darling............ My name is John Darling."

"Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . .."

StarVegabond · 23rd March 2010, 22:32

Received this as a e-mail forward

The T-Shirt of the PUNE IPL team

addyhemmige · 24th March 2010, 11:30

Quote:

Originally Posted by VTEC_Rocks

A Typical BHPian....

, this one really takes the cake. A true BHPian

Chipz · 24th March 2010, 13:56

Hope you like this....

Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K.Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were
travelling in an autorickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of
them died.
Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death.
He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN.
But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL.
Laloo is not at all happy with this decision.
He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of
them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public
positions, etc.
Then why the differential treatment?
He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before
a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived
notions.

Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English
test.
PVNR is asked to spell " INDIA " and he does it correctly.
Advani is asked to spell " ENGLAND " and he too passes.
It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell " CZECHOSLOVAKIA ".
Laloo protests that he doesn't know English.
He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus
forced to fail with false intent.

Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance
assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal
platform for all three).
PVNR is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". He writes it easily and
passes.
Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes.
Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR....."
Tough one. He fails again.

Laloo is extremely unhappy.
Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't),he now
requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history
Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take
any more tests.
PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence ?". He replied "1947" and
passed.
Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?".
He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000
or 300,000.
Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.
It's Laloo's turn now.
'
'
'
'
'
'
''
'
'
'
''
'
'

'
Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died
in the struggle.
Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.
Moral of the story: IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE..... ... :-)

EssYouWe · 25th March 2010, 08:57

Knock yourself out.

YouTube - Torque - Dumbest Movie Ever?

Autonorm · 25th March 2010, 17:37

A new BMW series production:

This guy takes extra precautions, he not only has helmet for his bike and his pillion but also himself <img>:

The Official Joke thread-funny-helmet.jpg

vamsi.kona · 25th March 2010, 18:13

Quote:

Originally Posted by Autonorm

A new BMW series production:

Attachment 315595

They only need another such vehicle with some modifications to produce more of them

Spitfire · 26th March 2010, 12:08

Mother Rabbit to baby bunny: "A magician pulled you out of a hat. Now stop asking questions."

Archish · 29th March 2010, 19:19

A boy and his father visiting from a small village were at a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?". The father responded, "Son I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is!".

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a voluptuous 24-year old woman stepped out.

The father said to his son, "Go get your mother!".

22nd March 2010, 13:49	#4025
lambuhere1 BHPian Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: @ Driver's Seat @ Posts: 729 Thanked: 108 Times	Men Are Honest Just recd ... ********************************* Men are Honest : Honorable MEN Must Read for Every Man and of course Woman (to understand man) If a female is reading this article then just realize the value of a man; and if its a male then feel proud of after reading it! "One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?" The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living. The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, "No." The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. Again, the woodcutter replied, "No." The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, "Yes." The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy. Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?" "Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!" The Lord went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA JOLIE ."Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.. "Yes," cried the woodcutter. The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!" The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to ANGELINA JOLIE You would have come up with CAMERON DIAZ . Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife . Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE ." The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others. That's our story, and we're sticking to it! - "WE ARE HONORABLE MEN!!!!!!" *********************************** Hope I am not condered !!!

22nd March 2010, 14:26	#4026
ramie2400 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Mumbai Posts: 1,903 Thanked: 66 Times View My Garage	Aakhir Yea baccha Kiska???? Santa and Preeto in court getting a divorce. The problem was who should get custody of the child.Preeto jumped up and said: 'Your Honor. I brought the child into the world with pain an labor. She should be in my custody. The judge turns to Santa and says ' What do you have to say in your defense? Santa sat for a while contemplating then slowly rose. 'Your Honor. If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out.. whose Pepsi is it .. the machine's or mine? Yeh sunke...Preeto replied : "Judge sahab...bartan mera...dudh bhi mera...aur usme dahi jamane ke liye 2 bunde daalne se dahi bana tu fir wo dahi kiska..? mera ya do bund dalane vale ka" Santa replied : Typewriter mein kagaz maine dala, keys daba-daba kar mehnat maine ki, fir chitthi kiski? typewriter ki ya meri? Judge:...Agar tu chitthi haath se hi likh leta to yahan par custody ki naubat hi na aati. ************************************************ ***************************** One day Laloo was traveling by car. He was going to a village for campaigning . Suddenly a piglet came before the car. The driver couldn't hit the brake at the right time and unfortunately the baby pig was killed in the accident . At the sight Laloo was deeply moved and felt very upset He called the driver and said ,"Jiska e suuar hai hum usko compensesan dena chahta hoon . Usko dhundke lav ". At his words the driver went to the nearest village and came back after some time with a tilak on his forehead, garlands around his neck and lots of money in his hands!!! Laloo was surprised . He asked ,"Hum tumko kaha tha ke uss aadmi ko laiye , aur tum aise wapas aaye ho! baat kya hai?" At this the driver replied " I told them about the incident . Hearing it they were rejoiced , put tilak and garlands on me, then danced for some time and gave this money." Laloo then asked him "Aap unko egjactly kaa bole?" The driver replied : "Main bola, MAIN Laloo Prasad Yadav KA DRIVER HOON, MAINE SUAAR KE BACHHE KO MAR DALA HAI......... ." ********************************************** ********* Boss: Arz kiya hai......... Office may Kaam hote hain... Galtiyon ka sama hota hai.... Aise mausam mein hi to PERFORMANCE jawan hota hai.... Dil ki khunnas BOSS jabaan se nahi kehte... Ye fasana to appraisal mein bayan hota hai.... J J J ..... Employee's reply... Arz kiya hai......... Appraisal hote hain... Disappointment ka sama hota hai... Aise mausam mein hi to Attrition jawan hota hai.... Dil ki khunnas HUM jabaan se nahi kehte... Ye fasana to resignation se bayan hota hai.... (Wah wah ... wah wah ... wah wah .....) ********************************************** ************ Business is Bijness GREAT BUSINESS MINDS…… One day in a school in London, a teacher said to a class of 5-year-olds, I'll give 10 pounds to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived." An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Paddy, that's not correct." Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either." Then a Jewish boy put his hand up and said "David", The Buddhist boy said "Gautama Buddha" and the Muslim boy said "Mohammed". They all were not successful. Finally, a Gujju boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Jignesh, come up here and I'll give you the 10 pounds that I promised." As the teacher was giving Jignesh his money, she said, "You know Jignesh, since you're a Hindu Gujarati; I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ." Jignesh replied, "Yes. In my heart I knew it was Krishna, but Bijness is Bijness!!!!!! Enjoy!!!! Last edited by ramie2400 : 22nd March 2010 at 14:31.

23rd March 2010, 16:57	#4027
vamsi.kona BHPian Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Hyderabad Posts: 280 Thanked: 572 Times	All rules cannot be followed A lady manager of a big reputed office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into her office. "What is your name?" was the first thing she asked the new guy. "John," the new guy replied. She scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only ... Smith, Jones, Baker ...that's all. That's my rule. I am to be referred to only as Mrs. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?" The new guy sighed, "Darling............ My name is John Darling." "Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . .."

23rd March 2010, 22:32	#4028
StarVegabond Senior - BHPian Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Bangalore Posts: 1,891 Thanked: 43 Times	Received this as a e-mail forward The T-Shirt of the PUNE IPL team Attached Thumbnails

19th March 2010, 14:07	#4021
jinojohnt Senior - BHPian Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Trivandrum Posts: 1,161 Thanked: 827 Times	Just saw this in my office blog - Employee1: Hey, you still here? I thought you had resigned. Employee2: I did, but sadly I couldn't clear the exit interview...

21st March 2010, 20:24	#4022
sanjayc BHPian Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Chennai Posts: 953 Thanked: 8 Times	Hilarious. Laziest People Ever Picture Gallery on CollegeHumor - Funny Pictures, Funny Videos, Funny Links!

22nd March 2010, 00:28	#4023
prateekm BHPian Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Mumbai & BLR Posts: 790 Thanked: 554 Times	For all you IT guys out there

22nd March 2010, 01:20	#4024
EssYouWe Senior - BHPian Join Date: May 2009 Location: Lucknow Posts: 1,391 Thanked: 18 Times	Lol... XKCD is probably the funniest strip doing the rounds these days. Try out Abstruse Goose, PHD Comics and Pearls before Swine as well. All are pretty nice! Cheers!

24th March 2010, 13:56	#4030
Chipz BHPian Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Trivandrum, Thrissur Posts: 160 Thanked: 6 Times	Hope you like this.... Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K.Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were travelling in an autorickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of them died. Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death. He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN. But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL. Laloo is not at all happy with this decision. He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public positions, etc. Then why the differential treatment? He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived notions. Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English test. PVNR is asked to spell " INDIA " and he does it correctly. Advani is asked to spell " ENGLAND " and he too passes. It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell " CZECHOSLOVAKIA ". Laloo protests that he doesn't know English. He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus forced to fail with false intent. Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal platform for all three). PVNR is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". He writes it easily and passes. Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes. Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR....." Tough one. He fails again. Laloo is extremely unhappy. Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't),he now requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take any more tests. PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence ?". He replied "1947" and passed. Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?". He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000 or 300,000. Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes. It's Laloo's turn now. ' ' ' ' ' ' '' ' ' ' '' ' ' ' Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died in the struggle. Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL. Moral of the story: IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE..... ... :-)

25th March 2010, 17:37	#4032
Autonorm BHPian Join Date: May 2009 Location: Chandigarh Posts: 83 Thanked: 8 Times	A new BMW series production: This guy takes extra precautions, he not only has helmet for his bike and his pillion but also himself <img>:

26th March 2010, 12:08	#4034
Spitfire BANNED Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Panaji - Goa/Bangalore - Karnataka Posts: 3,313 Thanked: 777 Times	Mother Rabbit to baby bunny: "A magician pulled you out of a hat. Now stop asking questions."

29th March 2010, 19:19	#4035
Archish BHPian Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chennai Posts: 320 Thanked: 108 Times	A boy and his father visiting from a small village were at a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?". The father responded, "Son I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is!". While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a voluptuous 24-year old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother!".