Team-BHP - The Official Joke thread

80,000 Sardars meet in a stadium in Punjab for a "Sikhs Are Not Stupid" Convention.

The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that Sikhs are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"

A Sardar works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks him, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds he says, "Eighteen!" Obviously everyone is a little disappointed.

Then 80,000 Sardars start cheering, "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give him another chance."

So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, "Ninety?" The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the sardar starts crying and the 80,000 men begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"

The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more damage than good, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance-- What is 2 plus 2?"
The man closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 sardars jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...

"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!

The customer was dissatisfied with his pair of tailored trousers and decided to take them back to the tailor. However, the tailor was out and only his wife was there at the shop.

The customer was rather embarrassed at explaining the problem to her and said, "This pair of trousers is like the ballroom in Westminster Abbey."

The tailor´s wife was surprised and said, "Sir, there is no ballroom in the Abbey."

To which the customer replied, "Well, there is no ballroom in this trouser either."

If Columbus had been married he might never have discovered America
because of the following:

Where are you going?
With whom?
Why?
How are you going?
To discover what?
Why you?
What do I do, when you are not here?
Can I come with you ?
Coming back when?
Dinner ghar par hi khaoge?
Mere liye kya laoge?
It seems you deliberately made this ....
Hain na...
Why?
Dont lie....
Why r u making such programs
You seem to be making a lot of such programs
Why?
I want to go to my parents place
I want you to come and leave me
I don’t want to come back....
I will never come back....
Why are u not stopping me....
I don’t understand what is this discovery chakker?
You always do like this......
Last time also u did like this....
Now a day’s u always seem to do like this....
I still don’t understand what else is left to be discovered.. .

Quote:

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage," Hello Doctor!! Please come over here for a minute."

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one.

So how come you get the big money, when you and me are doing basically the same work? "

The doctor leaned over and whispered in his ears......

"Try doing it when the engine is running" !

This is a continuation i read somewhere-

The owner of the workshop overhears and steps out and says," i can do things to your engine to get your heart racing faster than you ever thought possibe ,could you make my heart better than what it was?"

Got this in a mail forwards:

Friendship is not about “I m sorry “ its about “abbe teri galti hai “

Friendship is not about “I m there for u” or “I missed u “ it’s about “kahan marr gaya saale “

Friendship is not about “I understand “ its about “sab teri wajah se hua manhus“

Friendship is not about “I care for u “ its about “kamino tumhe chhod ke kahan jaunga “

Friendship is not about “I m happy for ur success “ its about “chal party de saale“

Friendship is not about “I love that girl“ its about “saalo izzat se dekho tumhari bhabhi hain “

Friendship is not about “R u coming for outing tomorrow “ its about “ nautanki nahi, hum kal bahar ja rahe hai “

Friendship is not about “Get well soon “ its about “ Itna piyega toh yehi hoga“

Friendship is not about “All the best for ur career“ its about “ bahut hua, abhi toh switch mar saale“

Laugh your heads off people because I am faster than DC in his F1 car.

Racer will have to adhere to sea link’s 100 km/hr limit

Mumbai: Formula One cars are designed to go as fast as 300 kilometres or more per hour, but ace driver David Coulthard won’t burn much rubber when he shows off his speed machine on the Bandra Worli Sea Link on Sunday. “Don’t speed up your car beyond 100 km per hour on the Bandra-Worli sea link. If done, it’s a punishable offence,” Maharashtra State Road Development Corporation (MSRDC), which owns the motorway, has told the British racing car driver.
Coulthard is scheduled to fire up his engine of his F-1 sensation on October 11 between 2 pm and 4 pm.
At present, the maximum speed limit on the link for city drivers is 50 km per hour. It was brought down from the 80 km per hour originally promised for safety considerations in view of factors like the monsoon, sea winds and the new road surface on which unaccustomed drivers may risk skidding.
“The sea link is designed such that we can’t allow anyone to drive faster than 100 km per hour,” said MSRDC MD Satish Gavai. According to Gavai, if Coulthard or anyone exceeds the prescribed speed limit, especially around the curves, the centrifugal force on the car may cause a crash. “The impact could be huge enough to plunge car and driver into the sea, or to hit the bridge cables and endanger the structure,” said Gavai. He said despite appeals to the driving public not to exceed the 50-km speed limit, there have been instances of motorists hitting the divider. The authorities are reportedly planning to monitor Sunday’s event with speed detectors.