The Official Joke thread

manson · 8th August 2005, 17:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by haryan

Man ... i too enjoy jokes about Malayalis and Biharis and Sikhs ....
But i do not enjoy jokes When Malayalis and Biharis and Sikhs GODS are mentioned in them ...

oopy whoopy , sikhs do not believe in idol worship , so religion means the most to then leaving aside their holy book. So how about deleting all jokes based on sikhs as well ?

and as one of our members pointed out thankfully none of the members have taken objections against jokes based on the fairer sex !

manson .

p.s. hope my posts have not offended anyone , if i have then

normally_crazy · 8th August 2005, 17:18

Quote:

Originally Posted by manson

well how about deleting all the jokes related to sikhs as no members have a right to offend me as well !
i might just be a minority here , but does the size really matter ?

manson .

Hey i too beleive in sikhsim - i support manson then !!

Rtech · 8th August 2005, 17:24

Screw it...every joke will offend someone! Let's delete the whole thread. No more humour on T-bhp.

Samurai · 8th August 2005, 17:37

http://silenteloquence.suryaonline.o...fence-intended

Actually most jokes are cracked at somebody's cost. Therefore making a joke in a forum like this where people from all over the country participate, you are bound to hurt somebody all the time. Should you ban jokes for that reason, I don't think so. Let's only make fun of non-Indian ethnicity, also no Korean & Bangladeshi jokes, I think we have members from there too...

manticore · 8th August 2005, 17:38

Aww...come on guys.......ain't everything over and done with? Not being philo, but please forget and forgive.........at least for this one time...

Manti.

manson · 8th August 2005, 17:46

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rtech

Screw it...every joke will offend someone! Let's delete the whole thread. No more humour on T-bhp.

i was being sarcastic , just a feeble attempt to make a few members realise things , but yeah if the objection clause is here to stay then i'd strongly suggest deleting this thread !

manson .

manticore · 8th August 2005, 17:49

Umm, Samurai, do you happen to be Surya? 'Coz the article is about what's exactly happening here. Some are taking sides while others are taking the path of least resistance. So what's to be done now? How do we know what does and does not offend whom? Man, it's so confusing....everyone pls...let bygones be bygones. Let's just try and keep out relegious/community/sensitive issues.

As they say, misunderstandings and small tiffs only strengthen bonds and relations over the years. Viva TBHP!

Manti.

Samurai · 8th August 2005, 18:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by manticore

Umm, Samurai, do you happen to be Surya?

This Surya appears to be German resident, and based on the comments about fashion and harry potter, definitely a woman. I am neither...

Rtech · 8th August 2005, 18:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by manson

i was being sarcastic , just a feeble attempt to make a few members realise things , but yeah if the objection clause is here to stay then i'd strongly suggest deleting this thread !

manson .

I was just making a point too.

The minute we lose the ability to laugh at ourselves, we will also lose one of the most effective methods of communication as through humor, people learn about each other.

So let's all just relax and be a bit less politically correct.

revtech · 9th August 2005, 00:48

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver's door.

"Is there a problem Officer?"

The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?"

The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."

"You don't have one?"

The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."

The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"

"I'm sorry, I can't do that."

The policeman says, "Why not?"

"I stole this car."

The officer says, "Stole it?"

The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."

At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what!?"

"She's in the boot if you want to see."

The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

The senior officer says "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"

The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem sir?"

"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."

"Murdered the owner?"

The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?"

The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.

The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"

The man says "Yes," and hands over the registration papers.

The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence."

The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner."

The man replies, "I bet you the lying ******* told you I was speeding, too!"

Rev

vivekiny2k · 10th August 2005, 16:02

reminds me of chillies and lemon and human hair strands, hanging in front of hondas, hyundais, suzukis and what not.

haryan · 10th August 2005, 16:41

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."

haryan · 10th August 2005, 16:42

A little boy asked his father "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

haryan · 10th August 2005, 16:46

A farmer rushed to his phone one day to report that his nearest neighbor's house was on fire. He promptly called 911 to report the fire. In the calmest voice he could muster, he reported the fire was at his neighbor's house two miles down the road. The dispatcher asked "How do we get there?" The farmer hesitated a few seconds then asked "Don't you, guys, have those big red trucks anymore?"

A plumber was called to fix a pipe. He arrived, banged on the pipes for 15 minutes, and said to the homeowner well that'll be $35. The homeownersaid "Thirty five dollars!!! Why that's $140 per hour!!! I'm a lawyer and I only make $100 an hour!!!" The plumber replied "Yeah, that's what I got when I was a lawyer."

One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a Judo tournament. Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance, I have Kano, Mifune, Kotani, Kimura and all the greatest players up here".
"Yes", snickered the Devil, "but I have all the referees."

haryan · 10th August 2005, 16:46

A guy is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She comes up to the guy and says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

"Ten years!", he says.

She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh, man! Is that good!"

Then she asked, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?"

He replies, "Ten years ! "

She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.

He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic !"

Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had some REAL fun?"

And the man replies "My God ! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there !"

8th August 2005, 17:37	#349
Samurai Team-BHP Support Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Bangalore/Udupi Posts: 26,002 Thanked: 49,666 Times View My Garage	http://silenteloquence.suryaonline.o...fence-intended Actually most jokes are cracked at somebody's cost. Therefore making a joke in a forum like this where people from all over the country participate, you are bound to hurt somebody all the time. Should you ban jokes for that reason, I don't think so. Let's only make fun of non-Indian ethnicity, also no Korean & Bangladeshi jokes, I think we have members from there too... Last edited by Samurai : 8th August 2005 at 17:44.

10th August 2005, 16:02	#356
vivekiny2k Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: cincinnati, jabalpur,chennai Posts: 1,264 Thanked: 212 Times View My Garage	device for nasa reminds me of chillies and lemon and human hair strands, hanging in front of hondas, hyundais, suzukis and what not.

8th August 2005, 17:24	#348
Rtech Team-BHP Support Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Bombay Posts: 5,765 Thanked: 371 Times View My Garage	Screw it...every joke will offend someone! Let's delete the whole thread. No more humour on T-bhp.

8th August 2005, 17:38	#350
manticore BHPian Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Cochin/New Delhi Posts: 298 Thanked: 8 Times	Aww...come on guys.......ain't everything over and done with? Not being philo, but please forget and forgive.........at least for this one time... Manti.

8th August 2005, 17:49	#352
manticore BHPian Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Cochin/New Delhi Posts: 298 Thanked: 8 Times	Umm, Samurai, do you happen to be Surya? 'Coz the article is about what's exactly happening here. Some are taking sides while others are taking the path of least resistance. So what's to be done now? How do we know what does and does not offend whom? Man, it's so confusing....everyone pls...let bygones be bygones. Let's just try and keep out relegious/community/sensitive issues. As they say, misunderstandings and small tiffs only strengthen bonds and relations over the years. Viva TBHP! Manti.

9th August 2005, 00:48	#355
revtech Senior - BHPian Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Bombay Posts: 1,992 Thanked: 39 Times View My Garage	A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver's door. "Is there a problem Officer?" The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?" The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one." "You don't have one?" The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving." The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?" "I'm sorry, I can't do that." The policeman says, "Why not?" "I stole this car." The officer says, "Stole it?" The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner." At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what!?" "She's in the boot if you want to see." The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. The senior officer says "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!" The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem sir?" "One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner." "Murdered the owner?" The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?" The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot. The officer says, "Is this your car sir?" The man says "Yes," and hands over the registration papers. The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence." The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner." The man replies, "I bet you the lying ******* told you I was speeding, too!" Rev

10th August 2005, 16:41	#357
haryan BHPian Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: HYDERABAD INDIA Posts: 345 Thanked: 5 Times	At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."

10th August 2005, 16:42	#358
haryan BHPian Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: HYDERABAD INDIA Posts: 345 Thanked: 5 Times	A little boy asked his father "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

10th August 2005, 16:46	#359
haryan BHPian Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: HYDERABAD INDIA Posts: 345 Thanked: 5 Times	A farmer rushed to his phone one day to report that his nearest neighbor's house was on fire. He promptly called 911 to report the fire. In the calmest voice he could muster, he reported the fire was at his neighbor's house two miles down the road. The dispatcher asked "How do we get there?" The farmer hesitated a few seconds then asked "Don't you, guys, have those big red trucks anymore?" A plumber was called to fix a pipe. He arrived, banged on the pipes for 15 minutes, and said to the homeowner well that'll be $35. The homeownersaid "Thirty five dollars!!! Why that's $140 per hour!!! I'm a lawyer and I only make $100 an hour!!!" The plumber replied "Yeah, that's what I got when I was a lawyer." One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a Judo tournament. Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance, I have Kano, Mifune, Kotani, Kimura and all the greatest players up here". "Yes", snickered the Devil, "but I have all the referees."

10th August 2005, 16:46	#360
haryan BHPian Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: HYDERABAD INDIA Posts: 345 Thanked: 5 Times	A guy is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years!", he says. She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh, man! Is that good!" Then she asked, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?" He replies, "Ten years ! " She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic !" Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had some REAL fun?" And the man replies "My God ! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there !"