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-   -   The Official Joke thread (https://www.team-bhp.com/forum/et-cetera/2439-official-joke-thread-230.html)

Nikhil, Patel's are baying for your blood. You better runlol:

An amazing review of Hyundai i20. See some quotes below... :)

Lheem started making crack...and he also acknowledges that it is not affordable to make. :D

In fact that whole site is a big joke.

In school, teachers used to throw up their hands in frustration at some of my class mates, saying "please read the text book once in a while, else even if we give them to you for copying, you will not know where the answers are!!!".

Looks like one of those gentlemen (my ex-classmates) is now into writing auto reviews!!!

Edit:- Saw this in another page of that site.
Oh god!!!

Wonder if this belongs here. I found it hilarious when I first saw it.

The Hyundai review is what happens if you translate a whole page using Babelfish.

Once Mathai asked Kuttappan, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"

Kuttappan said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other.

Then absolutely there will be no problems."

"Can you explain?" asked Mathai.

Kuttappan said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."
Still not convinced, Mathai asked Kuttappan "Give me some examples"

Kuttappan said, "Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it"

Mathai asked, "Then what is your role?"

Kuttappan said, "My decisions are only for very big issues....

Like whether America should attack Iraq, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire etc. Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects to any of these".

That is the secret of our happy married life !!!

No offence ment to our own kuttapan in dallas ;)

My first post.
Got this as an email forward. I hope I'm not breaking any T-Bhp rules.

What makes you think my scenario is any different? Who do you think told Bush to go ahead and invade Iraq? :I Rule:

That whole site has been bookmarked by me and I think I'm gonna have one helluva weekend reading it. I just hope that my guts don't pop out as I read through this site!!

Gratifications to yourself humbly for shooting such nice linkies in this bharat-famous forum. Please poster more such hilarious linkies so one and all can guffaw with delight and funness.
Yours laughily
Benji

Got this in mail today -

[FONT=Times New Roman]There was a World wide survey of "Most Embarrassing Moment in human life"
The finale had the following three incidents....

Third Place
"It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home,
but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my
girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after
making love, we heard the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to
my girlfriend that I give her a piggy-back ride to the phone. Since we
didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When
we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a
whole crowd of people yelled "SURPRISE!".

My entire family, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all of my
friends were standing there ! My girlfriend and I were frozen to the
spot in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an
eternity.
Since then, no-one in my family has planned a surprise party again.

Second Place
"While in line at the bank one afternoon, my kid decided to release
some pent-up energy and started to run amuck. I was finally able to
grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from
other patrons. I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself
right now, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the
eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go
right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's
pee-pee(dick) last night!".

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the
tellers stopped what they were doing! I mustered the last of my
dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last
thing that I heard as the door closed behind me were the screams of
laughter.

And the Winner is...
This one actually happened at Harvard University in October last year.
In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose
levels found in semen. A young female (freshman), raised her hand and
asked, "If I understand what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose
in male semen, as in sugar?" "That's correct." responded the
professor, going on to add much statistical data. Raising her hand
again, the sweet young thing asked, "Then why doesn't it taste
sweet?".

After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor
girl turned bright red and as she realized exactly what she had
inadvertently said(or rather implied), she picked up her books without
a word and walked out of the class, and never returned.
However , as she was going out of the door, the professor's reply was
a classic. Totally straight- faced, he answered her question, "It
doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the
tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat!
[/FONT]

Background: A firm in Germany ordered macaroni from a firm in the United States. While the macaroni was enroute, a couple of boxes broke open and some rats nested in the macaroni. The German firm sent the following letter concerning the condition of the macaroni.

WILHELMSTRASSEE 135
HAMBURG, GERMANY
BRITISH ZONE

SCHENTLEMENS:

DER LAST TWO PACKESCHES VE GOT FROM YOU OF MACARONI WAS MITT RATTSCHIDT GEMIXT. DER MACARONI MAY BE GUT ENUFF, BUT DER RATTCURDS SCHPOILS DER TRADE. VE DID NOT SEE DER RATTCURDS IN DER SEMBLES VICH YOU SENT US FOR EXAMINASHUM.
VE ORDER DER KLEEN MACARONI AND YOU SHIPT SCHIDT MIT DER MACARONI, IT VAS A MISTAKE, YA? ID TAKES SO MUCH TIME TO PIK DER RATTCURDS FROM DER MACARONI VE LIKE YOU TO SCHIP US DER MACARONI IN VUN SAK UND DER RATTSCHIDT IN DER ODDER SAK, DEN VE MIX IT TO SUIT DER CUSTOMER.
PLEASE WRITE IF VE SHULDT SHIPP DER SCHIDT BAK UND KEEPEN DER MACARONI, OR VE SHULDT KEEP DER SCHIDT UND SCHIPP DER MACARONI BAK OR SCHIPP DER WHOLE SCHIDDEN VORKS BAK.
VE VANT TO DO RITE IN DIS MADDER, BUT VE DUNT LIK DISS RATTSCHIDT BUSINESS.

MIT MUCH REAPAKIS,

Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm.
The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm.

Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat and went about his fishing.

An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth…

A married couple goes to hospital together to have their baby delivered. When they arrive, the doctor says they have just taken delivery of a new machine which transfers a portion of the mother's pain to the father.

"Would you be willing to try it out?" asks the doctor.

"Yes of course," says the husband, who is very much a Sensitive New Age Guy.

As the woman goes into labor, the doctor sets the machine to 10 percent and asks the man if it hurts. "No, it's fine," he says. The doctor raises the setting to 20 per cent. "Still okay," says the man. The doctor gradually lifts the setting to 50 per cent. The husband closes his eyes and grits his teeth, but insists he can cope without any problem, so the doctor raises it gradually to 75 per cent.

"I can take it," says the husband. "Give me the full 100 per cent." So the doctor does, and the wife bears the baby with no pain at all.

The doctor goes off to write up the case for The Medical Journal, while the couple takes their baby home. On the doorstep they find the wife's tennis coach dead.

This starting line "This actually happenned .... " always makes a joke nicer to hear ! :)! Although in most cases, it is never actually true!

Just got this by email...