Team-BHP - The Official Joke thread

Quote:

Originally Posted by SumitBahl (Post 955307)

15.) Everyone has a 'massi' in Canada, and a 'bhua' in UK

17.) A new year's bash is incompete without a fight

18.) Any party is incomplete without a fight

19.) Everyone has some political connection

24.) Spending upto Rs 2 lacs on number 0001 for a car's number plate does not raise any eyebrows

25.) Kinetic Honda scooter is referred to as Kiney and Bullet bike as Bullt

32.) Everyone's been to the Rock Garden and hate to show it yet again to family friends/relatives from other cities

36.) A new car, bike etc. first comes to the Gehri route n later to the gurudwara or mandir

48.) A good lookin car turns more heads than a pretty girl

This is soo very true,I noticed in a 6hrs of stay in chandigarah.

Point 48.ohh the girls are soo very pretty :) and sure are the cars :D

FBI job opening

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the
background checks, interviews and testing were done, there
were 3 finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test,
the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door
and handed him a gun. ‘We must know that you will
follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair
. . . Kill her!!’ The man said, ‘You can’t be
serious. I could never shoot my wife.’ The agent said,
‘Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take
your wife and go home.’

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the
gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5
minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, ‘I
tried, but I can’t kill my wife.’ The agent said,
‘You don’t ha ve what it takes. Take your wife home.

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the
same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun
and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after
another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the
walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened
slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her
brow. ‘This gun is loaded with blanks’ she said.
‘I had to beat him to death with the chair.’
MORAL: Women are crazy. Don’t mess with them:D

As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom...
in beer there is freedom...
in water there is bacteria!!!
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) bacteria found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering, fermenting etc etc!
Remember: Water = Poop, Liquor = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink liquor and talk **** than to drink water and be full of ****!
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:
I'm doing it as a public service...

Dear Manager (HR), Vivek, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Vivek works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Vivek never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Vivek takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Vivek is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Vivek can be
classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Vivek be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
sent away as soon as possible.
Signed - Project Leader

NB: That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the report
sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd lines (1, 3, 5, 7, 9,11, 13) for my true assessment for him.

A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The woman took out her bill fold, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?”

“No, I had to stop drinking years ago?”, the homeless woman replied.

“Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?” the woman asked “No, I don’t waste time shopping?”, the homeless woman said.

“I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.”

“Will you spend this at a beauty salon instead of food?” the woman asked. “Are you NUTS?” replied the homeless woman. “I haven’t had my hair done in 20 years!”

“Well,” said the woman, “I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight.

The homeless woman was astounded. “Won’t your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.”

The woman replied, “That’s Okay. It’s important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine”

Universal law of Love:

" Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "

************ *
First law of Love:

" a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy. "

************ *
Second law of Love:

" the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance. "

************ *
Third law of Love:

" the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slapping."