The Official Joke thread

n_aditya · 30th July 2007, 12:55

Here is a nice ol' joke. No offence meant to any nationality.

An Indian, a Pakistani and a young hot woman are travelling in the same comparment of a train.

Every time the train goes into a dark tunnel, there is a kissing sound followed by a tight slap sound and when the train exits the tunnel the Paki is red faced from the slap.

The young hot woman thinks to herself - Maybe one of the guys kissed the other by mistake and got slapped.

The Paki thinks - The Indian kissed the woman and I got slapped

The Indian thinks - Let the train go thru another tunnel. I'll make another kissing sound and slap the Paki.

pawan · 30th July 2007, 19:15

this takes the cake this is from a site that sells automotive parts:
KaleCoAuto, Hard to find automotive items!

go through the parts sold.

radiator insulator:
Radiator Insulator - $199.95 : KaleCoAuto, Hard to find automotive items!

the explanation

Quote:

The weakest part of your car is the likely the radiator. It is a simple matter of physics when we tell you this: Energy is lost through heat. Transmissions, as they lose more and more heat, begin to cause more loss of power. However, that's only a small part - The worst part is the radiator! All sorts of heat is lost through the radiator - in essence - losing the horsepower through heat! Not anymore!! KaleCoAuto brings you the Radiator Insulatior - Simply slip over your radiator and enjoy the power! KaleCoAuto radiator insulation is made from only the finest asbestos, and is guaranteed to trap 90% more heat!

cross drilled brake lines:

Quote:

Want improved braking? Why just cross drill those rotors? Introducing KaleCoAuto cross drilled brake lines! Improved airflow through lines provides superior brake cooling. Brake fluid is exposed to cool moving air, almost instantly reducing heat, and providing shorter stopping distances! All lines are made of quality latex. Brake lines come in: Red and Yellow. Please specify color when ordering!! Warning!! You must replace ALL brake lines at once. You may mix colors.

Cross Drilled Brake Lines - $69.95 : KaleCoAuto, Hard to find automotive items!

wiper blade sharpener:

Quote:

Wiper blades not cutting it? Why replace them, when you could sharpen them? This high grade whetstone is all that you would expect from our quality line of KaleCoAuto products. It features three sharpening surfaces for different sizes of wiperblades

piston return spring:

Quote:

KaleCoAuto has produced the highest quality piston return spring to date! High temperance chromed metal resists temperatures up to 300'f. KaleCoAuto piston return springs FORCE the pistons back into the motor, no longer relying on gravity! This effectively increases your revs, horsepower, and peak torque! You must buy one return spring per piston. Rotary engines require install of pistons for full compatibility. One per piston. Please specify if you are using a boxer motor!

muffler bearings:

Quote:

Do you have an annoying rattling in your mufflers? Are they sagging a little? Don't quite sound right? That could be the symptoms of a worn muffler bearing. Allow me to introduce the KaleCoAuto muffler bearing! It's unique iron-graphite composite with pre-grease-packed assembly provides over 200,000 miles of smooth muffler operation! It is most likely they will outlast your mufflers. Also works well on heavy duty exhaust systems. One per muffler.

the one that takes the cake

butt dyno:

Quote:

Just install a great mod like a cold air intake? Electric supercharger? Big Muffler? Magnetic fuel line ionizer? Awesome wing? Are you getting no respect from your friends for your newly found power? As we all know, these are high end and sophisticated modifications. Some may be TOO sophisticated to actually show up on a traditional dyno. So here we have: The Butt Dyno. Simply place it in the seat, and drive fast, weaving in and out of traffic. (On a race course, of course.) Now you can tell your friends with confidence "That oil-saturated air filter gave me 20 horses!"

there are a lot more stuff just go through the site.

from the shipping page:

Quote:

KaleCoAuto makes no guarantees of product delivery or functionality. If you make or use any product like those described here, do so at your own risk. KaleCoAuto assumes no responsibility because you don't get it

toiingg · 30th July 2007, 19:24

Found this to be worth a mention here .. taken from the same site.

Engine Oil Bypass Kit
Modern synthetic oil is very expensive - so why run the risk of getting it dirty by running it through your motor block? KaleCoAuto bypass kit comes with everything you need to run the oil around your motor block where it will do more good. Oil runs cooler, and as a result, there may be horsepower gains!

Lol!

speedmiester · 30th July 2007, 19:28

ROTFLMAO
Is this site a real one or a joke site, i wonder how they are in business. Can't believe how one could even think of coming up with such products

Worst of all i found some people buying such things

pawan · 30th July 2007, 19:34

Quote:

Originally Posted by speedmiester

ROTFLMAO
Is this site a real one or a joke site, i wonder how they are in business. Can't believe how one could even think of coming up with such products

Worst of all i found some people buying such things

probably just a gimic to lure unsuspecting people.

hkanitkar · 30th July 2007, 23:07

Brass b**ls @ Kalecoauto..

Brass ***** - $19.95 : KaleCoAuto, Hard to find automotive items!

ROTFLMAO ! these guys are really funny..

iraghava · 31st July 2007, 01:04

Well the KaleCoAuto seems to be a joke on Ricers! But nice one nevertheless

xinome · 31st July 2007, 01:16

http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/515894-post2136.html

somebody please try this with me next time i am in a flight to somewhere!
some Joke shucks!

joke 2137 is getting the police knocked down silly

theMAG · 31st July 2007, 21:28

WRONG ORIGINAL TITLE. Actual Title: Irish Medical Dictionary

Artery.............................. The study of paintings.

Bacteria............................ Back door to cafeteria.

Barium.............................. What doctors do when patients die.

Benign...............................What you be, after you be eight.

Caesarean Section...............A neighbourhood in Rome.

Catscan............................ Searching for Kitty.

Cauterize.......................... Made eye contact with her.

Colic................................ A sheep dog.

Coma............................... A punctuation mark.

Dilate............................... To live long.

Enema.............................. Not a friend.

Fester.............................. Quicker than someone else.

Fibula............................... A small lie.

Impotent........................... Distinguished, well known. Labour

Pain..................................Getting hurt at work. Medical

Staff.................................. A Doctor's cane.

Morbid............................... A higher offer.

Nitrates............................ Cheaper than day rates.

Node................................ I knew it.

Outpatient......................... A person who has fainted.

Pelvis............................... Second cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative................... A letter carrier.

Recovery Room................... Place to do upholstery.

Rectum............................. Nearly killed him.

Secretion.......................... Hiding something.

Seizure............................. Roman emperor.

Tablet.............................. A small table. Terminal

Illness.............................. Getting sick at the airport.

Tumour.............................One plus one more.

Urine............................... Opposite of you're out.

2xCondoms........................To be sure, to be sure

theMAG · 31st July 2007, 21:59

An American tourist in London was desperate to take a leak. After a long search he couldn't find any public bathroom to relieve himself. So he went down one of the side streets to take care of business. Just as he was unzipping, a London police officer showed up.

"Look here, old chap, what are you doing?" the officer asked.

"I'm sorry," the American replied, "but I really gotta take a leak."

"You can't do that here," the officer told him. "Look, follow me."

The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges. "Here," said the policeman, "whiz away."

The American tourist shrugged, turned, unzipped, and started pissing on the flowers. "Ahhh," he said in relief. Then turning toward the officer, he said, "This is very nice of you. Is this British courtesy?"

"No," replied the policeman. "It's the French Embassy."

benbsb29 · 2nd August 2007, 10:23

Self-explanatory. Enjoy !!
Found at a vending machine.

benbsb29 · 2nd August 2007, 11:00

Another one :

Steeroid · 2nd August 2007, 11:54

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

An American woman is sitting across from them. The woman isn't paying attention to their conversation at first, but her attention is grabbed when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig" shouts the lady indignantly. "In this country....we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives..."

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa?

I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella...

'Mississippi' ."

n_aditya · 2nd August 2007, 13:12

Have read that long back Steeroid, but still manages to make me laugh. Really good one.

I narrated this joke to my colleagues in Italy and they were hysterical with laughter.

cypher · 3rd August 2007, 14:39

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
(Jonah is a character in Old Testament of the Bible.)

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

30th July 2007, 19:28	#2149
speedmiester Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: bangalore Posts: 2,431 Thanked: 6,892 Times	ROTFLMAO Is this site a real one or a joke site, i wonder how they are in business. Can't believe how one could even think of coming up with such products Worst of all i found some people buying such things Last edited by speedmiester : 30th July 2007 at 19:31.

30th July 2007, 23:07	#2151
hkanitkar BHPian Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: pune Posts: 668 Thanked: 110 Times View My Garage	Brass bls @ Kalecoauto.. Brass *** - $19.95 : KaleCoAuto, Hard to find automotive items! ROTFLMAO ! these guys are really funny.. Last edited by hkanitkar : 30th July 2007 at 23:10.

31st July 2007, 21:28	#2154
theMAG Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: May 2006 Location: Avon, CT Posts: 7,219 Thanked: 1,820 Times View My Garage	Pakistani Earthquake WRONG ORIGINAL TITLE. Actual Title: Irish Medical Dictionary Artery.............................. The study of paintings. Bacteria............................ Back door to cafeteria. Barium.............................. What doctors do when patients die. Benign...............................What you be, after you be eight. Caesarean Section...............A neighbourhood in Rome. Catscan............................ Searching for Kitty. Cauterize.......................... Made eye contact with her. Colic................................ A sheep dog. Coma............................... A punctuation mark. Dilate............................... To live long. Enema.............................. Not a friend. Fester.............................. Quicker than someone else. Fibula............................... A small lie. Impotent........................... Distinguished, well known. Labour Pain..................................Getting hurt at work. Medical Staff.................................. A Doctor's cane. Morbid............................... A higher offer. Nitrates............................ Cheaper than day rates. Node................................ I knew it. Outpatient......................... A person who has fainted. Pelvis............................... Second cousin to Elvis. Post Operative................... A letter carrier. Recovery Room................... Place to do upholstery. Rectum............................. Nearly killed him. Secretion.......................... Hiding something. Seizure............................. Roman emperor. Tablet.............................. A small table. Terminal Illness.............................. Getting sick at the airport. Tumour.............................One plus one more. Urine............................... Opposite of you're out. 2xCondoms........................To be sure, to be sure Last edited by theMAG : 31st July 2007 at 21:40.

31st July 2007, 21:59	#2155
theMAG Distinguished - BHPian Join Date: May 2006 Location: Avon, CT Posts: 7,219 Thanked: 1,820 Times View My Garage	American tourist An American tourist in London was desperate to take a leak. After a long search he couldn't find any public bathroom to relieve himself. So he went down one of the side streets to take care of business. Just as he was unzipping, a London police officer showed up. "Look here, old chap, what are you doing?" the officer asked. "I'm sorry," the American replied, "but I really gotta take a leak." "You can't do that here," the officer told him. "Look, follow me." The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges. "Here," said the policeman, "whiz away." The American tourist shrugged, turned, unzipped, and started pissing on the flowers. "Ahhh," he said in relief. Then turning toward the officer, he said, "This is very nice of you. Is this British courtesy?" "No," replied the policeman. "It's the French Embassy."

30th July 2007, 12:55	#2146
n_aditya Senior - BHPian Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Namma Bengaluru Posts: 5,373 Thanked: 3,801 Times View My Garage	Here is a nice ol' joke. No offence meant to any nationality. An Indian, a Pakistani and a young hot woman are travelling in the same comparment of a train. Every time the train goes into a dark tunnel, there is a kissing sound followed by a tight slap sound and when the train exits the tunnel the Paki is red faced from the slap. The young hot woman thinks to herself - Maybe one of the guys kissed the other by mistake and got slapped. The Paki thinks - The Indian kissed the woman and I got slapped The Indian thinks - Let the train go thru another tunnel. I'll make another kissing sound and slap the Paki.

30th July 2007, 19:24	#2148
toiingg BHPian Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Calcutta Posts: 643 Thanked: 306 Times	Found this to be worth a mention here .. taken from the same site. Engine Oil Bypass Kit Modern synthetic oil is very expensive - so why run the risk of getting it dirty by running it through your motor block? KaleCoAuto bypass kit comes with everything you need to run the oil around your motor block where it will do more good. Oil runs cooler, and as a result, there may be horsepower gains! Lol!

31st July 2007, 01:04	#2152
iraghava Senior - BHPian Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Bhaiyyaland Posts: 8,033 Thanked: 278 Times View My Garage	Well the KaleCoAuto seems to be a joke on Ricers! But nice one nevertheless

31st July 2007, 01:16	#2153
xinome BHPian Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: I am lost.... Posts: 339 Thanked: Once	http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/515894-post2136.html somebody please try this with me next time i am in a flight to somewhere! some Joke shucks! joke 2137 is getting the police knocked down silly

2nd August 2007, 10:23	#2156
benbsb29 Team-BHP Support Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Brisbane Posts: 10,078 Thanked: 14,052 Times View My Garage	Self-explanatory. Enjoy !! Found at a vending machine.

2nd August 2007, 11:00	#2157
benbsb29 Team-BHP Support Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Brisbane Posts: 10,078 Thanked: 14,052 Times View My Garage	Another one :

2nd August 2007, 11:54	#2158
Steeroid Senior - BHPian Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: N.A Posts: 7,046 Thanked: 2,756 Times	A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. An American woman is sitting across from them. The woman isn't paying attention to their conversation at first, but her attention is grabbed when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time." "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig" shouts the lady indignantly. "In this country....we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives..." "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella... 'Mississippi' ."

2nd August 2007, 13:12	#2159
n_aditya Senior - BHPian Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Namma Bengaluru Posts: 5,373 Thanked: 3,801 Times View My Garage	Have read that long back Steeroid, but still manages to make me laugh. Really good one. I narrated this joke to my colleagues in Italy and they were hysterical with laughter.

3rd August 2007, 14:39	#2160
cypher BHPian Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Pune Posts: 153 Thanked: 4 Times	A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. (Jonah is a character in Old Testament of the Bible.) Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".