The Official Joke thread

elf · 27th November 2006, 19:49

Three men were sitting together recounting how they had given their new wives duties.

The first man had married a woman from Albania and boasted that he had told his wife she must do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed to be done at their house. He said that it took a couple of days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Korea. He said he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results but the next day it was better. By the third day his house was clean, the dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married an Irish girl. He said that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day the didn't see anything but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.

aZa · 28th November 2006, 00:46

kkr2k2 · 28th November 2006, 19:18

this, i got in email from a friend of mine.

english translated as is into hindi.

Have a nice day! -----> Achcha din lo!

What's up? -----> Uppar kya hai?

You're kidding! -----> Tum bachche bana rahe ho!

Don't kid me! ----->Mujhe bachcha mat banaao!

Yo, baby! What's up? -----> Beti Yo, uppar kya hai?

Cool man! -----> Thandaa aadmi!

Check this out, man! ----> Iskee chaanbeen karo, aadmi!

Don't mess with me, dude.-----> Mere saath gandagi mat karo, e vyakti.

Listen buddy, that chick's mine, okay!?-----> Suno dost, woh chooza
mera hai, theek hai?

Hey good looking; what's cooking? ----> Arrey sundarta ki devi; kya
pakaa rahee ho?

Son of a gun.-----> Bachcha bandook ka.

How do you do? -----> Kaise karte ho?

And the best ones are.....

Rock the party. ----> Party mein patthar feko.

Are you nuts? -----> Kya aap akhrot hain?

She's so fine! -----> Woh itnee baareek hai!

Keep in touch-----> Chhoote Raho.

Lets hang out!-----> Chalo bahar latakthe hain

pdev29 · 28th November 2006, 19:29

dude please dont start a thread for it, you can post it in the official joke thread.

DRC · 29th November 2006, 12:07

Imagine such sub titles running below the screen on a English movie.

pdev29 · 30th November 2006, 21:22

check out this site its really funny.

Juegos Olímpicos

anarchist · 1st December 2006, 11:06

SMART *** ANSWER #6
It was meal time during a flight on Hooters Airline.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
"What are my choices?" John asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.

SMART *** ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat.
She said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

SMART *** ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

SMART *** ANSWER #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART *** ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead."
Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

SMART *** ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-*** guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
"What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says,
"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand

dr fate · 4th December 2006, 02:02

Engineers vs. Doctors....

7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE to Mumbai. So all of
them gather at Pune Station. Both groups are desperately trying to
prove their superiority.

SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI) :

7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets..

Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come......

When TC arrives, All 7 Engineers get in one toilet SO when TC
knocks, one hand comes out with the ticket and the TC goes
away....Doctors say "Dekh lenge"

NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct train to
PUNE.
So they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, as from there
they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE

SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA) :

Doctors decided, "this time we will prove that we too are equally
SHAANE"....All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket, Engineers don't buy any
ticket at all!!!!!..

TC arrives.... ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET.ALL ENGINEERS IN THE
OPPOSITE ONE..

One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors toilet, One
hand comes with the tickets, he takes the ticket and comes in engg
Bathroom...

TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are heavily
fined........

SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA) :

SO now both the group are on LONAVALA station. Doctors planning
their move for last chance, they board the local to Pune.

This time doctors decide that they will play the same (1 ticket )
trick.

ALL Doctors take 1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7 tickets this
time...

SO TC Comes.. All Engineers show their tickets.....
& Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL
train!!!!!

ajmat · 6th December 2006, 06:24

Problem solving at its most innovative !

**********
Some retired deputy sheriffs went to a retreat in the mountains. To
save money, they decided to sleep two to a room. No one wanted to room with
Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of
them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first deputy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next
morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man,
what happened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and
watched him all night."

The next night it was a different deputy's turn. In the morning, same
thing -- hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. They said, "Man, what
happened to you? You look awful!"

He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I watched him all night."

The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly, ex-football
player; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and
bushy tailed. "Good morning," he said.

They couldn't believe it! They said, "Man, what happened?"

He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into
bed and kissed him good night. He sat up and watched me all night."

aZa · 12th December 2006, 20:13

pdev29 · 12th December 2006, 22:01

Santa Singh knocks the door,
Gangu bai :- Kaun hai ?
Santa Singh :- Main.
Gangu bai :- Main Kaun ?
Santa Singh :- Tu Gangu Bai.......

arif_t01 · 13th December 2006, 14:06

@ Godfather: http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/shifti...tml#post328572 that was one of the best i've read

arif_t01 · 13th December 2006, 14:15

George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech. After his talk he offers question time.One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is.

"Bob".

"And what is your question, Bob?"

"I have 3 questions.

First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?

Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?

And third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?

Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh that's right — question time. Who has a question?"

A different little boy puts up his hand . George points him out and asks him what his name is.

"Steve"

"And what is your question, Steve?"

"I have 5 questions.

First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?

Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?

Third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?

Fourth, Why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?

And fifth, Where is "Bob"? !!

esteem_lover · 13th December 2006, 17:30

Source : email from a friend

There are several men in the locker room of a private club after exercising.

Suddenly a cell phone that was on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:

"Hello?"

"Honey, It´s me. Are you at the club?"

"Yes."

"Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat... It is absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"

"What´s the price?"

"Only $1,500.00"

"Well, OK, go ahead and get, if you like it that much..."

"Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."

"What price did he quote you?"

"Only $60,000..."

"OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

"Great! Before we hang up, something else..."

"What?"

"It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and...I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It´s on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden , acre of park area, beachfront property..."

"How much are they asking?"

"Only $450,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."

"Well, than go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?"

"OK, sweetie... Thanks! I´ll see you later!! I love you!!!"

"Bye... I do too..."

The man hangs up, closes the phone´s flap and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present: "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

Sam Kapasi · 15th December 2006, 19:44

Quote:

Originally Posted by aZa

Have forwarded to my colleagues at harman/kardon - It's REALLYYY funny!! Thank you aZa.

27th November 2006, 19:49	#1636
elf BANNED Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Bombay Posts: 1,039 Thanked: 14 Times View My Garage	And then there was light... Three men were sitting together recounting how they had given their new wives duties. The first man had married a woman from Albania and boasted that he had told his wife she must do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed to be done at their house. He said that it took a couple of days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away. The second man had married a woman from Korea. He said he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results but the next day it was better. By the third day his house was clean, the dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table. The third man had married an Irish girl. He said that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day the didn't see anything but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.

28th November 2006, 19:18	#1638
kkr2k2 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Melbourne, Hyd Posts: 1,294 Thanked: 66 Times View My Garage	english to hindi this, i got in email from a friend of mine. english translated as is into hindi. Have a nice day! -----> Achcha din lo! What's up? -----> Uppar kya hai? You're kidding! -----> Tum bachche bana rahe ho! Don't kid me! ----->Mujhe bachcha mat banaao! Yo, baby! What's up? -----> Beti Yo, uppar kya hai? Cool man! -----> Thandaa aadmi! Check this out, man! ----> Iskee chaanbeen karo, aadmi! Don't mess with me, dude.-----> Mere saath gandagi mat karo, e vyakti. Listen buddy, that chick's mine, okay!?-----> Suno dost, woh chooza mera hai, theek hai? Hey good looking; what's cooking? ----> Arrey sundarta ki devi; kya pakaa rahee ho? Son of a gun.-----> Bachcha bandook ka. How do you do? -----> Kaise karte ho? And the best ones are..... Rock the party. ----> Party mein patthar feko. Are you nuts? -----> Kya aap akhrot hain? She's so fine! -----> Woh itnee baareek hai! Keep in touch-----> Chhoote Raho. Lets hang out!-----> Chalo bahar latakthe hain Last edited by kkr2k2 : 28th November 2006 at 19:20.

30th November 2006, 21:22	#1641
pdev29 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Mumbai Posts: 1,039 Thanked: 289 Times View My Garage	check out this site its really funny. Juegos Olímpicos Last edited by pdev29 : 30th November 2006 at 21:23.

1st December 2006, 11:06	#1642
anarchist BHPian Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Chicago / Namma Bengaluru Posts: 372 Thanked: 6 Times View My Garage	SMART * ANSWER #6 It was meal time during a flight on Hooters Airline. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. "What are my choices?" John asked. "Yes or no," she replied. SMART * ANSWER #5 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat. She said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub." SMART * ANSWER #4 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead." SMART * ANSWER #3 The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. SMART * ANSWER #2 A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas." SMART * ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006 A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-*** guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand Last edited by anarchist : 1st December 2006 at 11:08.

13th December 2006, 17:30	#1649
esteem_lover Senior - BHPian Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Madras/Py Posts: 7,556 Thanked: 507 Times View My Garage	The Perfect Husband... Source : email from a friend There are several men in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone that was on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues: "Hello?" "Honey, It´s me. Are you at the club?" "Yes." "Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat... It is absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?" "What´s the price?" "Only $1,500.00" "Well, OK, go ahead and get, if you like it that much..." "Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..." "What price did he quote you?" "Only $60,000..." "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." "Great! Before we hang up, something else..." "What?" "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and...I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It´s on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden , acre of park area, beachfront property..." "How much are they asking?" "Only $450,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..." "Well, than go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?" "OK, sweetie... Thanks! I´ll see you later!! I love you!!!" "Bye... I do too..." The man hangs up, closes the phone´s flap and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present: "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?" Last edited by esteem_lover : 13th December 2006 at 17:31. Reason: Adding the title

28th November 2006, 00:46	#1637
aZa Senior - BHPian Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Noida / Delhi Posts: 1,595 Thanked: 25 Times View My Garage

28th November 2006, 19:29	#1639
pdev29 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Mumbai Posts: 1,039 Thanked: 289 Times View My Garage	dude please dont start a thread for it, you can post it in the official joke thread.

29th November 2006, 12:07	#1640
DRC BHPian Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Cockpit Posts: 911 Thanked: 66 Times View My Garage	Imagine such sub titles running below the screen on a English movie.

4th December 2006, 02:02	#1643
dr fate BHPian Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: bangalore Posts: 78 Thanked: 6 Times	Engineers vs. Doctors.... 7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE to Mumbai. So all of them gather at Pune Station. Both groups are desperately trying to prove their superiority. SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI) : 7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets.. Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come...... When TC arrives, All 7 Engineers get in one toilet SO when TC knocks, one hand comes out with the ticket and the TC goes away....Doctors say "Dekh lenge" NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct train to PUNE. So they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, as from there they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA) : Doctors decided, "this time we will prove that we too are equally SHAANE"....All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket, Engineers don't buy any ticket at all!!!!!.. TC arrives.... ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET.ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE ONE.. One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors toilet, One hand comes with the tickets, he takes the ticket and comes in engg Bathroom... TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are heavily fined........ SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA) : SO now both the group are on LONAVALA station. Doctors planning their move for last chance, they board the local to Pune. This time doctors decide that they will play the same (1 ticket ) trick. ALL Doctors take 1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7 tickets this time... SO TC Comes.. All Engineers show their tickets..... & Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL train!!!!!

6th December 2006, 06:24	#1644
ajmat Team-BHP Support Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Bangalore Posts: 15,128 Thanked: 30,317 Times View My Garage	Problem solving at its most innovative ! ********** Some retired deputy sheriffs went to a retreat in the mountains. To save money, they decided to sleep two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first deputy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night." The next night it was a different deputy's turn. In the morning, same thing -- hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!" He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I watched him all night." The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly, ex-football player; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. "Good morning," he said. They couldn't believe it! They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and kissed him good night. He sat up and watched me all night."

12th December 2006, 20:13	#1645
aZa Senior - BHPian Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Noida / Delhi Posts: 1,595 Thanked: 25 Times View My Garage

12th December 2006, 22:01	#1646
pdev29 Senior - BHPian Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Mumbai Posts: 1,039 Thanked: 289 Times View My Garage	Santa Singh knocks the door, Gangu bai :- Kaun hai ? Santa Singh :- Main. Gangu bai :- Main Kaun ? Santa Singh :- Tu Gangu Bai.......

13th December 2006, 14:06	#1647
arif_t01 BHPian Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Trivandrum, Ker Posts: 356 Thanked: 343 Times	@ Godfather: http://www.team-bhp.com/forum/shifti...tml#post328572 that was one of the best i've read

13th December 2006, 14:15	#1648
arif_t01 BHPian Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Trivandrum, Ker Posts: 356 Thanked: 343 Times	George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech. After his talk he offers question time.One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is. "Bob". "And what is your question, Bob?" "I have 3 questions. First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes? And third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden? Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh that's right — question time. Who has a question?" A different little boy puts up his hand . George points him out and asks him what his name is. "Steve" "And what is your question, Steve?" "I have 5 questions. First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes? Third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, Why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early? And fifth, Where is "Bob"? !!